


To See With Closed Eyes

by 21_years_old_lady



Category: Vikings (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:00:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 34
Words: 62,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24728638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/21_years_old_lady/pseuds/21_years_old_lady
Summary: You've been captured by a pageant army to be use as a slave into this cold and grey land. As time goes on, weird things start to happen, leading you to believe that there is more than one reason why you are here. The man leading those who ripped you from your land capture your attention and king Ivar becomes that of which you both fear and reach for.
Relationships: Ivar (Vikings)/Original Character(s), Ivar (Vikings)/Original Female Character(s), Ivar (Vikings)/Reader, Ivar (Vikings)/You
Comments: 30
Kudos: 170





	1. Prisonner

[Day 7506 - Autumn]

It’s so cold outside. The rain feels like ice on your skin and the winds makes it so it freezes right through you. You didn’t have the time to grab your coat before your dad drags you outside. You cab hear the northmen screaming from afar and everyone is running to the church. You stop right in the middle of the way, letting everyone pass beside you. 

Your mom turns around, takes your hand but your feet are stuck to the ground. Something is wrong, you can’t hide there, you feel it. If you do, they’ll know and kill you all. You know you need to run from the village altogether.

“We can’t hide there” you tell her. Your voice shakes. 

She pulls you once again toward the church. But you stand your ground.

“Mom please come; we need to run away! You know what happened to the village on the west…”

“The lord will protect us! Follow me.” 

Your little brother screams, and she goes to him and run with everyone. You stay right where you are. You know, from the sounds of the Viking army breaking into the fragile gates that you don’t have time to run to the forest, however, you can find somewhere to hide inside the village. There is a small cabin, used to store wine near where you are. 

Once you close the door behind you, you open the cupboard, under the floor planks, and crawl inside. Carefully covering the floor door with the furs lying near the entry. The screams of the running people fade away and the sound of the Vikings fighter takes their places. However, In the cabin, you can hear a pin drop. You can see the inside of it between the cracks. You pray silently that no one will find you. You pray for your father, your mother, your brothers, the oldest and the youngest, you pray for you sister and your friends.

Dear lord, please save us from these pagans, for they do no know better. Please forgive our sins, please save us, please forgive us, please save us, please forgive us…

The door open and you try your best not to make any sounds. Pushing your palm into your lips. Their boots make the floor creaks. They laugh and one grab a bottle of wine and drinks heavily. Another grabs as much as he can and drops one on the ground. It breaks and you cover your eyes. Tiny pieces of glass fall and your hair gets covered by the wine escaping from the floor. Both Vikings laugh and you observe them from bellow. 

They talk in a language you don’t understand, and you cover your mouth again when it seems that one lock eyes with you. But they turn around and get out. You let out a sigh, relieved. Your plan worked. As you let yourself breathe again you hear screams from your people coming from the church. You want to scream and to fight but you know that there is no point. You don’t want to die and right in this moment, this will to live, feels like cowardness. You curse yourself and dig your nails into your palms, and with your other hand, cover the sobs trying to escape from your lips. 

The door open, once again, and this time they know where you are. They pull you out of your hiding place as you scream, and you try to hit them with your feet. One hit you in the nose and you feel numb for a second. You are still conscious but so dizzy the world feels like it’s turning around you. When you can move again you feel your dress being lift, you scream at them to stop, knowing full yell they do not understand. 

Another Viking, from outside screams orders at them and they stop. For a second it looks like they are about to fight but the man from outside pushes your rapist and the one holding your arms moves away at once. Your eyes meet his. You do not have the time to think about anything that he turns away and screams order outside. You picture his blue eyes and nothing else as both the men grab you once again and lead you to the church.

You see a dead man at the entry and lock your feet in the ground. You can’t enter, you don’t feel like you are capable of witnessing, of seeing, the outcome of this massacre. There is no screams anymore and you do not need to be reminded of it. But the Vikings pushes you in the back and you fall in the mud. They drag you inside and you scream and kick. It does not matter anymore; you’d prefer to be dead than to see it. But they don’t kill you. And you see it all. 

Your feel numb, bodies are piled up on the ground. As your feet drag on the floor, a trail of blood, none of it yours, follows. Some are still alive, coughing up blood or moaning in pain. A couple of Vikings are walking amongst the bodies, killing those wounded with a quick move of their blade.

They tie you up on a post near two other young girls, also tied up. One’s dress is ripped up and you see blood dripping down her leg, she is not crying, neither is she saying anything. The other one is shaking and whispering prayers.

You don’t want to but your eyes, as if they had a mind of their own, look around. You recognize your mother’s dress and close your eyes. There is no need to keep looking at her body. There is nothing more to do. But you need to know about your siblings, and your dad…

There is a scream resonating inside the church. Two Vikings argue about it and you hope it is who you think. No one helps the toddler; he just stays sitting near a corpse. The corpse, although you can’t tell for sure, looks like your father. When the Vikings blocking your view move, you sigh in relief to see your little brother. You try to get one Viking’s attention.

A big man kicks you in the thigh and you moan in pain. He talks, it sounds like insults. 

“My brother… please, I beg you good sir.”

He answers and you hope he understands. He does not look like he does. You try to point to your brother with your chin. At one point he points back to him with his swords and you freeze. Surely, they would not kill a child. Surely, that fear was disproportionate. When he walks toward him, still pointing with his sword your breath gets shaky.

He picks him up and you scream. “NO!”. he laughs and some other Vikings do too. He does a little dance, to tease you and you scream again. You can feel your face becoming red. “Let him go please.” You know they can’t understand you. 

The Vikings finally put your brother on your lap and gives you a little tap on the head. You kiss your brothers head, unable to hold him in your arms. To comfort him. As he gets closer to hug you, you see that he has a wound on the side of his head. You can’t see clearly how bad it is but your blood boils inside of your vein. Some other Vikings drags another girl inside the church. She’s screaming and fighting them beside her small frame. You recognize your sister and curse the rope keeping you away. They tie her beside you, and she growls at them like a wild animal. 

“Are you okay?” you ask in a whisper. She does not answer. “Margery?” once again, there is no answer. All you can hear is her heavy breath and the other woman’s prayers. This time, you hiss her name with more authority, “Margery.” She turns her head and you see her fleeing bloodshot eyes. You don’t wait for an answer, all you need to know is written in her face. She looks at Philip who’s grabbing onto your dress with his tiny fists and yet, she doesn’t look relieved. 

You want to ask about your other brother, but you fear the answer too much. You know why both of you are alive, you’ve heard about women and girls like you, being sold into slaves by Vikings. You knew that Philip was alive because he was no threat. But Hamond was older than you, stronger than you, braver than you, stupider than you. He didn’t hide, he wouldn’t but he was no match for a Viking army. 

A woman holds her hand toward you, she’s not dead yet, she’s reaching for you to help. A Viking stabs her in the back and you look at him. The words escape you like a snake in a lake “One day, I will kill you.” Your sister turns her head toward you, but you keep your gaze on the killer. He smiles.

“Will you?” 

You freeze, it feels so cold now. You hear a sound, like someone crawling, behind you. He appears, holding himself with both arm and gets right in front of you. He has the same blue eyes the Vikings who saved you had but his are ice. 

“Do you want to kill him right now?”

You want to speak but the words are stuck in your throat. He turns his eyes to your sister. “Or is it you who spoke?”

“Leave her alone.” You whisper.

“What? I didn’t hear you.” He then says something to his troops in his language. All you hear is the word Christian. “You’ll have to speak louder little Mary.”

He grabs a crucifix on the ground and points you with it. “So? Would you kill him now?” You don’t know what to do but fear leads you to nod. Who is this man that can understand you? He, once again, screams something to his Vikings. Someone unties you and before you know it, you’re standing right in front of the Viking you threaten, with an axe the man on the ground gave you. Most Vikings are smiling, some are even clapping. Your sister is screaming to stop.

You step on something and look down to see your brother completely covered in blood, he’s missing an arm. You feel faint and almost drop the axe, but your sister’s scream awakes you. You look at the Viking, but you know that if you run toward him, he would hit you or you’d just die. A strength you didn’t knew you had takes upon you, suddenly you turn, and you throw the axe toward the man on the ground.

It does not touch him, lodging himself over his head on the wood lectern. For a time, there is no sounds in the church. Even the praying girl has stopped her whispers. You meet your sister’s eyes. She looks younger than she is. Your hands are shaking, and your breath has completely stopped.

The man looks at the axes and then at you. He seems shocked at first. A Viking draws his sword next to you and you hope they’ll cut your head quickly, get it over with. You hope they’ll spare your siblings. But the blue-eyed man claps and laugh. He points with the crucifix again and the mood in the church gets lighter. You stare at each other; he looks weirdly proud. Your confusion almost equal to your fear and disgust. The axe falls on the ground with a loud sound.

“Little Mary, what a warrior you are!” he exclaims. Some Vikings laughs with him, but it is not until he talks to all of them that the church resonate with screams and laughter. He points to another who ties you up again.

Your brother starts to cry again and hugs at your leg with all the strength in his little body. You can’t comfort him; you don’t know how. Your own tears falling on their on, leaving streaks down the wine and mud that stained your cheeks. The woman to your right starts to pray in whispers again. The Viking’s laughter and words overcomes the church and you can’t ear the prayers, or your brother or your sister, only them.


	2. Slave

[Day 1 – Automn]

You were five survivors out of a village made of more than fifty peoples. A part of you felt lucky to be alive, the other one felt worse for it. They kept you chained up but they left Margery free so she could carry Philip to the boats. While walking they kept screaming orders at you, laughing or screaming every time you or one of the others tripped. 

Once on the boat, they put your sister’s hand in ropes, and she groaned in frustration. She was about to say something to her captor, but you kicked her, and she didn’t continue her insult. Now that you knew one of them could understand you, who knows if they were others. And if she offended one of them, they might throw her overboard. It was not the time for it. She was a week short from her thirteen birthdays, you wanted her to see it, be alive for it. Now that you were both orphans, you were responsible for that.

They put you in a boat with the one that saved you from the two brutes. You glared at him through the ride, trying to figure out if he was a chance of escape or was simply nice for a glimpse in time. As the night fell, you couldn’t sleep. Your sister’s head was rested on your shoulder and you were caressing your brother’s, holding him tight in the cold dark. The man woke up at one point and turned to you, as if he knew you were looking at him. You quickly lowered your gaze, hugging Philip closer to your chest, concentrating on his breathing. You took a mental note to check his head wound in the morning.

Early in the morning, when the sun had barely started to rise, you woke up. As you went to check Philip, he felt stiff and cold. Your own breath stopped. You didn’t want to make a sound, the scream in your head was loud enough. 

“We’re okay honey” 

You kissed his cold little forehead. “We’re okay.” 

You whispered a prayer for him. It wasn’t a relief that he was dead but… You stopped yourself from thinking further. You couldn’t tell your sister; she would alarm them, and they would throw him overboard. You weren’t ready for it. You kept caressing his head and rocking him slowly, convincing yourself that even in death he could still feel it. 

When Margery woke up, contrary to your belief, she did not make a single sound. She approached her tied hand to his face and caressed his cheeks. She was smart enough to understand what would happen to him once the Vikings would realize what had come of him. 

You saw his blue eyes on you, and you tried your best not to look back. You knew that once you did you would start crying and you would not stop until they rip him from your arms. You heard his boots on the floor and even when Margery looked at him, you kept looking at Philip’s corpse. He was so small, so, so small.

“Is he dead?” his accent was more pronounced than the other one, but he still talked, and you understood. You did not answer. He lowered to your level and you were forced to look at him. “His name?” he reached a hand and you clutched to Philip’s body in response.

“Don’t touch him” you hissed.

“Philip” Margery said in a whisper. 

The man looked truly apologetic. He drew back his hand and he went on his knee in front of you. “I’m sorry”.

Margery started to sob, and you tried to hug her, but it was impossible without putting down Philip. For as long as you kept him in your arms, it was not real, so you couldn’t. Some Vikings started to wake up and you got scared that they’ll do something, so you looked at the man in a last attempt. You wanted him to save you again. 

“Please” you whisper. You didn’t even know what to ask. “Don’t let them take him.”

He nodded and went back to his place. You rocked Philip again, you tried to sing a lullaby to him, but the words got tied in your tongue, so you stopped. It was the nothingness again. By the time the day was through and the sun fell again everyone on the boat knew that you were holding a dead child, but no one cared enough to do something about it. 

When everyone looked asleep you tried your best not to make any sounds and crawled to the side of the boat Holding Philip close to you. You tried to think of something to say but nothing came to mind. “I love you” is the only thing you managed to say before you threw his tiny corpse overboard. It fell without any sounds. From afar, in one of the other boats you think you can discern the figure of the man you tried to kill looking at you. But maybe you are wrong. 

By the time you’re back to your place you’re completely numb to everything. 

You lay down in front of your sister and she takes your hand in hers. “Do you think we’ll make it out alive?” You press your forehead on hers and sigh.

“I won’t let them do anything to you Margery, never.”

She presses her finger in yours and answer with the confidence only a young girl like her has: “I’ll protect you too (Y/N)”

Even if you're exhausted, you can't manage to fall asleep after that. You let yourself get rock by the waves and your sister’s steady breath. The only comfort was her warm body by your side. You kept shivering, the wind was stronger than your dress and you kept thinking of your coat that you left in your house.

A house you’ll probably never see again. 

You jump when you feel something dropping on you. It was a blanket. Confused you exchange a look with the man. 

“I’m Ubbe.”

You nodded slowly, still unsure on how to react. “(Y/N)” you answer, covering yourself and your sister with the blanket. He backs away to where he was and closes his eyes once more. Your heart kept beating so hard in your chest you wonder how it hadn’t jumped out already. 

In the morning they gave you, and all the other prisoner, food and water. You hesitated at first, but you knew that you needed to eat for your sister to do the same. As the day progressed, some man started to get more agitated and when you saw land ahead you realized it was because you were almost to the Viking’s land. 

After a horn was blew, the praying woman said: “We’ve arrived in Satan’s home”

Maybe she was right.

Once on land, they tied you further away from the docks, right near the pigs. You watched the face of each man landing. Every time you closed your eyes you pictured what they did in your village with a clarity that scared you. It was like a lightning bold through your body, the lividity in which those images appeared made your head spin. You saw an insignificant man walking with a bunch of dry meat in a bucket and then you saw him murdering your mother. You tried to shake your head, push those visions away but it would not stop.

“The rope is too tight” your sister whispers to you with a wimp.

“Get used to it girl. It’s as good as it’s going to get now.” Under her matted black hair, the praying woman had started to look like a witch. You remember the wine that probably stained yours and wondered if you did too. 

You were left there for a part of the day, right until they took all of you to a tent. There were only women inside and you sighed in relief about it. You were not ready to get mocked or raped neither were you ready to see your sister suffer those things. You’d never be.

They made all of you strip and wash with a wet cloth. The water was too cold to be comforting. Shivers took upon you quickly and you prayed in silent that your sister’s was warmer but you saw her shaking and hope left you. The silent woman was bruised all over and you tried to cover the sight of her injury from your sister, but you doubt it worked. The dress they gave you was itchy, but it was way warmer than your old one and you took comfort in it.

Then, they led you all to a place where many men and women were harvesting crops and running around. They pushed you in as if they expected you to know what to do. One woman rolled her eyes and gave you a shovel and then pointed at the manure and you got to work. 

You were back home in a way. Doing exactly what you had been doing for your whole life except now, your family was dead, and you were a slave. You had been a farmer family in England, growing whatever you could, mainly wheat. Your sister was very good with the animals and would mostly take care of the horses. She knew how to do the labor, but she was not strong, and you feared how long she would work without making a fuss. She was resilient, she was smart also, but she was hot headed, and you knew that a hot-headed slave would not survive long.

Later in the day, they took you away from the labor and gave you water and food. You were starving and so was every other woman. They took you to a wooden house with a lot of beds, the thought of finally being able to sleep was very welcomed and you did not oppose. Your muscles were hacking, and your mind was so blurry it was hard to even make sense of where you were. The sun was barely set but sleep took upon you quickly enough.

In your dream you saw an older man with a missing eye. He laid a hand on your shoulder and got closer, you felt frightened and intimidated.

“Finally, you’ve arrived!” He said. His voice resonated so loud it felt like thunder in your chest.

“Who are you?”

He did not smile, nor did he answer. He took your face in his hand and looked in your eyes. He looked taller than the trees, it felt as if his head was touching the sky.

“I’m scared.” You whispered.

“Don’t be.” He kissed your eyelid and then he vanished.

The rest of the dream did not matter at all.

In the morning you thought about talking about your dream to your sister but decided against it. She looked more disturbed today than yesterday and her own nightmare were enough. They made you eat breakfast and led you to the crops again.

For the next couple of days, you made your mind about being a slave. The work was easy enough and if it wasn’t for the cold you would have maybe felt as home. The daydreaming was a way to make you feel sane in this madness. It would, although, be often disturbed by the scream in the Norse tongue you despised so much. The same screams that pierces through your town’s gate, the same scream that killed your mother and father, that killed your brother. Your brothers. That imprisoned you and your sister.

You found it difficult to know who a slave was and who was free in the Viking’s town and that was a comfort you tried to hold on to. Maybe one day you and Margery would blend in too and you would be able to leave. Maybe, just maybe, it was enough to keep you standing for now.

Around the same time as yesterday you were led to the wooden house but were stopped by a pretty woman with blond hair and a man with blue eyes. It was the third man you’d seen with eyes this blue.

“Come with me” the woman said with a heavy accent. You were holding your sister’s hand and hesitated.

“Come with me” she repeated. You approached with your sister and the blond-haired woman shook her head. “Come with me” she separated your sister and you and hushed her away. The blue-eyed man pointed to the quiet woman further away and she approached with her head down. 

Once again: “Come with me” it was probably the only phrase she knew in English. You took a last look at your sister, walking away to the communal house, while you followed both of them to the same tent they made you wash in on your first day. 

The same thing happened but the water was warmer and there were less people inside, only this time they led you after, with drinks in your hand, to a Viking feast. 

And just like that, you were thrown into the wolfs dent.


	3. cupbearer

C3 – Server [Day 9 – Automn]

As you walked around, filling drinks, you felt like a ghost. No one was really looking at you, they were pointing you their drinks, but none were doing more. You would not cross any gaze, and no one was crossing yours. The sounds were making your head buzz loudly. You tried, at first, to stay close to the silent woman in the hall but almost as soon as you arrived, a Viking had left, holding her arm firmly and guiding her outside with a loud laughter. You were alone inside a full room; it was almost poetic, and you would have maybe enjoyed parts of it if the noises didn’t make you think of the fact that you would not hear your sister if something was wrong.

You jumped when you felt a hand slapping your ass and then gripping it. Your first reflex was to get away from his hand. When you saw the Viking’s expression it made you question if you should have just gone with it. You were clearly not in any position to refuse someone’s advance, as horrible as they might be. A slave was a slave for everyone, to be used and to be hurt. To be killed, to be raped. But it was stronger than you, that will to fight off their touches. So, when he went back in to pull you closer you took your place with a firm slap on the cheek, the man was so big and muscular he maybe did not feel it. His angry eyes and everyone’s reactions around it shut that thought.

The man got up and looked you down from his impressive height. You first thought was that you would maybe not survive this day, then you wondered if you would have the time to run out of the town or to hide. The banquet had gotten way quieter except for a few whispers. He grabbed your wrist and you let out a wimp. He then slapped you in return and you fell on the cold hard ground, completely stunned. As you regained consciousness, a couple of seconds later, anger took upon you and you punched the man in the balls as hard as you were capable to. He grunted and before you could run or react accordingly, he punched you back on the nose, your blood staining the wood.

As you were regaining your senses you heard a clap and laughs that you recognized. The man was sitting in the king’s chair. He was completely hysterical, and some others followed him in his reaction.

‘’Little Mary is trying to kill my warriors again!’’

When the big man rushed back on you, stomping his feet on the wooden floor you just protected your face with your arms, anticipating a beating for the ages.

‘‘ **NO**!’’ screamed the cripple. He added something you did not understood, and you were dragged gently, by another man, next to him. The party seemed to continue quickly after.

‘‘Do you know who I am Mary?’’

You hesitated to look at him, playing with the bottom of your sleeve. You shook your head in response.

‘’Look at me.’’ You did, trying your best to hide your distain.

‘‘I am king Ivar.’’ He approached his face to yours. He looked drunk. ‘‘Your king now.’’

You bowed your head. You didn’t know what to answer to him because your thoughts would only anger him. He was, and never would be, your king. You could feel his piercing eyes on your head. A drop of blood fell on your lap and you wiped your nose with your sleeve.

Someone gave you a tissue and when you looked at him you wondered how often that man would be kind to you, how often would his favor make your life, in its immense misery, better.

‘’What are you doing with her Ivar?’’

‘‘What? I can have her sit where I want. Might I remind you who’s king?.’’

‘’And? Tormenting her won’t make you a better king.’’

Ivar touched your hair and you clenched your jaw to stop yourself from reacting.

‘’I think she’s interesting, I want to talk to her, is that so wrong?’’ You saw Ubbe roll his eyes and you felt butterflies in your stomach. You didn’t feel interesting, only trapped. Ubbe left soon after, taking a chair somewhere he could still look at you. He took a bite from a piece of bread and you wondered what would happen if you asked for his protection.

‘’So, Mary, tell me, what’s your real name?’’

Ivar pulled you out from you daydreaming and you faced him with your body, looking everywhere but in his ocean eyes, he had a smug look on his face, as if he knew he could do anything to you, anytime.

‘’(Y/N)’’

He repeated it, your name on his lips scared you. A shiver setting itself in your spine.

‘’What were you in England?’’

‘’A farmer.’’

‘’Did you like it?’’

Your frown gave your confusion away. You knew he didn’t really want to know it, but you couldn’t figure out where he was getting.

‘’Yes, I did.’’

‘’And how do you like being a slave?’’

You clutched on the rag Ubbe had given you with all the rage you felt, your fingernails almost ripping into the fabric. His little cocky smile made the exchange even more tense.

‘’Fetch me another drink little Mary.’’

You went and when you gave it to him his finger lightly touched yours. You met his eyes and could not look away. Now that he knew your name the nickname was more condescending.

‘’Has anyone else given you trouble since you’ve arrived?’’

You shook your head. Truth be told, the other slaves were nice enough and the men and women of Kattegat, from the short time you’ve been here, did not give you any trouble. Being a slave here wasn’t as violent as you’d imagine. But you couldn’t admit it, admitting it would be admitting that it was fine to be here, fine that he ripped you from your home, fine that he killed your family, fine that he let your brother die and fine that he was making you sit here right in front of him now.

‘’I think you’ll like it here (Y/N). If you decide to.’’

He once again touched a strand of your hair and caressed it with the tip of his finger.

‘’And what if I don’t?’’ The words escaped your lips in a whisper that he obviously heard. But he did not answer. Instead he concentrated his gaze on the strand of hair he was caressing softly, letting it free a little at a time.

“Would you like to be a free woman one day?”

Your eyes lit up. You were too nervous to answer, to feel this hope fade away. He got closer, his mouth almost touching your ear and whispered: “I could free you one day, if I wanted to.”

You dig your nails on your lap, feeling blood pumping in your veins at a pace you couldn’t keep. When he drew back, he looked at you with a cocky smile. He was torturing you. Ubbe’s eyes on your neck were heavy to bare. You wanted so much to punch him, to run, to take back everything that was taken. You knew, however that he was the key at the end, he was the first reason you were imprisoned, and he would be the last.

“How could I be free…” you had to keep yourself from spitting the last part. “..King Ivar?”

He scratched his chin and laughed. “Do your job little Mary, serve people their drinks.” With a swift hand movement, he sent you off.

As the night progressed no one would try to touch you anymore. You kept looking at Ivar when he wasn’t looking at you. You had no interest in that strange country you were in, you had no interest in the fear that seemed to surround him, but, him, now that you knew he held your freedom in between his fingers, you needed him more than you’d ever needed anybody. You hated it but in the next couple of days you would need to find reason to keep his interest, to make sure the hope he gave you wouldn’t turn in threats.

When the night was over you were sent to go back to your bed alone. Your muscles ached and you were so sleepy the thought of finally finding some sleep was peace enough. As you were walking to your bed you saw, from far away, a man standing at your door. You could recognize the man from the dream you had the first night you were here. His missing eye giving him a sinister look. The closer you got the least you could see him, as if every step made him fade into the wind. When he was at a talking distance, he looked more like a shadow than a man, you could barely see him in the black of night, but his presence was sure.

“Who are you?” You asked, the same question as in your dream.

“Who are you?” he mirrored your question in a whisper. The shadow moved to you and you felt a cold surround you like it never did before. The wind blowing your hood off your head and making your eyes water. When you opened them, it had disappeared as if it had never existed. You knew what you had just experience was very real, but you pinched yourself in case it was a dream. It wasn’t.

When you entered the room, opening the door with a shaky hand, the silent woman looked straight at you. She was sitting on the bed, her eyes wide open. Everyone else was fast asleep. You had to walk by her in order to get to your bed. Her eyes did not stop following you. She grabbed your arm and you stopped, petrified. Maybe she had seen the ghost too, her eyes were filled with tears and your head started to throb. You gripped your head between your finger, trying to stop the pain but it only got worse. You saw flashes of light and fire; a baby with his face bashed in, you saw her stabbing king Ivar in his throne, her laughing with blood in her mouth and three swords at her back.

Once the vision had stopped, your back was at the wall and you had trouble breathing. The silent woman was asleep, as if nothing had ever happened. Emotions filled you and tears dropped on your cheeks without a sound. You were too scared to crawl back to your bed, it wasn’t real, there was no blood, no newborn, no death and yet, everything was inside your head with a clarity that couldn’t be faked. The soft breathing of everyone in the room not managing to make anything better.

As everyone woke up a couple of hours later, they would give you weird look before leaving but none were interested in helping. When it was your sister’s turn to see you, you tried to put on a brave face but the position you were in was not helping.

“What are you doing on the ground?”

“I… I saw…” but the thing is, you didn’t even know what you saw. You knew how real it felt, how terrifying it was but at the end of the day, it was also all in your head and there was no doubt about that. It was the wind, impossible to grasp or to explain. A shadow into the days to come. Maybe it was god sending you a message, a warning into the future.

“Margery, why don’t we pray before working today?”

She looked worryingly around. “I don’t think the Vikings will like it if they found us praying.”

You took her hand in yours and pulled her down in front of you. She kneeled, giving one last look at the door. “Then lets be quiet.”

“(Y/N), is It because you had a bad dream?”

You started to get impatient. The fear was real enough to pray, to make sure you and your sister were protected.

“I am the big sister. I am in charge Margery. Now listen to me, we pray.” A shocked look appeared on her face and she nodded.

You whispered the only Latin prayer you knew together. The words sounded wrong on your tongue; you knew it wasn’t correct, but you couldn’t do better. Would god still listen to you if you were alone, if you were in a land that didn’t believe in him?

“Amen” she finished. Your mouth opened and you tried to finish the prayer, but the words were stuck in your throat. The more you tried to speak the tighter your throat got. You coughed once to try to push that feelings away, but it only got worse. A coughing fit got to you and your whole body was shaking. Your airway completely shut.

“(Y/N)?” your sister rubbed your back. “(Y/N)? are you okay?”

Outside it got darker, the sun hiding quickly behind black clouds. Rain came pouring in, wind opening and closing the door with strength. A lighting bold came as you coughed out a dark liquid. Air finally filling your lungs.

“Amen” you whispered with a rasp voice.

A lighting bold was heard and finally half of the house you were in crashed down, crushed by a huge tree. The sound of the tree falling covering your sister’s scream. The closest branch was a centimetre close to your face.


	4. Nightmares

[Day 14 – Automn]

Because the shed was destroyed, the Vikings had you sleep in a bigger one with the men slaves. You tried your best to protect your sister from them, apprehending a war in the first couple of days but it didn’t happen. Most of them having the same type of life you did. Wake up, eat, work, eat, sleep and repeat. Some were creepy but none were mean or violent. The vast majority keeping to themselves until they were forced to do otherwise.

One of them kept looking at you every time you talked to your sister and you suspected him to understand what you were saying so one day you decided to talk to him, to find out the truth.

He was making his bed, keeping to himself.

“You understand us, don’t you?”

He kept making his bed answering in a nonchalant tone “Yes I do. Don’t think I’m the only one, you girls are loud and annoying.”

“How are we annoying?” Margaery frowned.

“You’re always complaining. We’re all slaves here, none of us are happy, stop complaining.”

As he was leaving you followed him close.

“Where are you from?”

“Why does it matter?”

“Because you speak our language”

“So does King Ivar, Lord Ubbe and earl Bjorn, this slave over here and dozen others, you’re not special and neither am I”

He turned around, almost colliding your nose with his.

“Why don’t any slaves try to escape?”

The man looked around worryingly. He then sighed and took you by the hand and lent you and your sister into a tiny storage shed.

“Number 1, don’t ever mention escape again, if you want to keep your head that is. Number 2, Kattegat is far from the worst place you could have ended up so count yourself lucky and make sure you stay here. Number 3…” he sighed “Dimittrie and I used to be a priest in the west cost.”

“I’m sorry…” You were so tense that you could see fingermarks on Margeary’s shoulders.

He looked remorseful for a second and opened the door to let you out. As he was going you made sure no natives were at eardrops and asked. “I’ll pray for you father.”

He spat on the ground and as he was backing away, he answered, loud enough for others to ears, “God’s gone girls, get used to it.”

You felt a shiver alongside your spine.

As he was walking away you were hypnotised by the reformed Christians figure. The further he went you could see a snake taking his place in the horizon of the field.

“He’s scary.” Margaery made you jump out of your daydream.

“Let’s go to work now…”

\--

Later in the day you were asked to get a water bucket to one of the houses. Before you could arrive, a familiar voice stopped you.

“Little mary!”

You turned to the sound of feet dragging on the ground.

“King Ivar.” You bowed, trying your best to keep the water from spilling.

“Come sit with me.”

Again? What was his fascination with you? You looked one more time at the water bucket and simply left it on the side of the road, if there was someone who could forgive you for not finishing your task it was him.

He lends you to a bench with a view on the field. From here you could see your sister helping the men by shoveling.

“I heard you were there when the slave’s shed was destroyed a couple of nights ago…”

“Me and my sister yes”

“How are you feeling?”

He sounded unsure of himself like the boys at home were when they tried to talk to the girls. He didn’t sound like last time he spoke to you. Surely it wasn’t that he was into you, it couldn’t be. You remembered that one time you found your brother talking to the blacksmith’s daughter in your old village. His face was beet red by the time the conversation was over. King Ivar looked a bit like that right now.

“I’m well, the tree didn’t hurt neither of us. We were very lucky”

Lucky for slaves.

“Good.”

An awkward silence grew between you too. As he was looking away you tried to study his face and body quickly as to not offend. He was wearing a leather coat covering his broad shoulders. His lack of facial hair made him look younger than he probably was. You’d given him your age if you didn’t know better. He turned abruptly and caught you staring at him, but you couldn’t look away, preferring to drown in his blue eyes and risk to be beat for it.

“And your sister, how is she doing?”

You felt the hair on your neck dressing.

“She’s a very hard worker.”

“That’s not what I was asking.”

“I’m sorry… she was scared, it was very sudden.”

You felt his eyes on you, the weight was heavy.

“Some people are saying that you were responsible.”

Oh.

That’s why he was talking to you. He wasn’t a boy with a crush, he was a king ready to burn you or your sister alive. The moment you found him appealing felt completely stupid now.

“They say you are a witch.”

You were trying to find a way out of this conversation, something to stop being incriminated by actions that weren’t yours. Words that hadn’t even reached you yet.

‘‘Don’t worry, I don’t think you are.’’

But you weren’t relieved because his smug smile meant more than what he was telling you.

‘’What do you think happened Mary?’’

‘’It was a storm.’’ Truth be told you hadn’t tried to pray after the incident. It couldn’t be that, it was impossible, but it wasn’t normal. You, you couldn’t be responsible for this, not as you were, but the coincidence was daring. You knew it wasn’t just a storm but thinking about what it could be made your head spin.

‘‘I don’t want you to work on the field anymore.’’

You frowned in disbelief. ‘’Where do you want me to work my king?’’

‘’Be my cupbearer. Is that okay with you?’’

You didn’t really have a choice in the matter. ‘’Of course’’ You’d maybe be better off since the work would be easier for your hands and you wouldn’t be obligated to work in the cold wind anymore. But your sister… You’d be forced to leave your sister alone for longer periods and that worried you. King Ivar probably saw you starring at her from afar.

‘’Don’t worry about her. Besides, you can’t help even if you’re right next to her.’’

Was that suppose to be reassuring? Because it wasn’t, far from it.

‘’I’ll wait for you tonight for supper.’’ Before he went he stroke your hand softly with his and it hit you. Why did it took you so long, you didn’t knew but now it did. You weren’t a cupbearer; you would become his whore. The thought was infuriating not because it was degrading but because, in a way, the whole time he was next to you, you where drawn onto him.

\--

The night came and you were ready for every eventuality. You made sure, to the best of your capacity, that Margeary was safe. You didn’t know if you would sleep in your bed tonight so you gave her your coat for the night. In the eventuality that you’d sleep here you’d just take it back and if not… At least she would be warmer.

The supper was way calmer than last time, there were only four man and you’d already met two. Ubbe almost looked disappointed to see you, he tried his hardest not to give you any attention. Luckily for you, so was Ivar. You couldn’t understand a word they were saying but by their tones you knew this meeting was not going well.

Ivar was looking particularly angry, stomping his fist on the table multiple time, making you jump worse with each hit. After a while he seemed to calm down. You tried to recognize the words, but nothing was raising any bells. You heard the names of countries but there was no way to know if they were in good graces or bad ones, seeing that King Ivar looked angry at every mention.

As you went to get more ale outside of the room you came face to face with the silent woman. She was holding something in her coat. She put a finger in front of her mouth, and you stayed silent. She took the ale from your hand and kissed your cheek. You knew what was about to happen, you’d seen it five nights ago. You also knew this would not end well for one of them.

But it was impossible. There were no ways visions were real, not coming from you.

She walked inside and you stroked your cheek, trying to find some sense in what you were about to do.

You turned back quickly, running behind her and screamed ‘’STOP HER!’’

Everyone got quiet and turned to you. The silent woman especially. You would never forget the look of betrayal she gave you. She acted quickly, running to Ivar with the knife held high. She was held back by Ubbe and thrown across the room. She hit her head and screamed ‘’HE KILLED MY BABY!’’

Ivar rolled his eyes and with only a swift hand gesture he commanded one of the men in the room to kill her. The sword slid in and out of her back with a ease that made your stomach turn. Ivar rubbed his face with his hand and got up, limping to the throne in which he sat, the same way he was sat in your vision but this time there was no blood.

‘‘Thank you little mary’‘

Quickly you gagged and threw up in the side of the room.


	5. Longing for freedom

[Day 35 – Autumn]

You felt incredibly guilty about the ordeal but at the end of the day, you were safer because of it. Ivar granted you a favor and now you could sleep in your own room in a small abandoned shed next to his room with Margaery. The shed was very cold because you were alone, but you quickly figured out how to warm it up with furs that you found and fire. You didn’t disclose what had happened to Margaery, but you had a feeling she knew.

‘’I need to go warm up water for the king’’ you pushed her to make way out of the bed.

‘’Is he nice to you?’’

‘’Well, I am a slave so, as good as he can be I guess’’

‘‘but does he forces you to…’’ she pointed to your crotch and you bit your tongue. She was too young to be talking about that.

‘’No’’

It was also a surprise to you. You had thought about it when he first asked you to be his personnel slave, but it had been weeks and he hadn’t try anything. Not even a touch. You weren’t complaining but it was discerning and left you wondering if something worse was waiting for you in the long run.

‘’Good. I worry for you.’’

‘’Don’t. I should be worrying for you, not the other way around.’’ You ruffled her hair and she grinned.

‘’The other slaves… they say he’s dangerous, like very dangerous.’’

‘’Of course, he is. Doesn’t mean I’m in danger.’’ You got dressed, trying to hurry without scaring her. ‘’You’re the one who should be careful of the others. Don’t get too close to them, we don’t know if they’re bad.’’

‘’I’m old enough to make that choice…’’

You rolled your eyes, kissing her cheek as a goodbye gesture before going out to work. You had forgotten quickly that she was more mature than you made her out to be.

\--

The supper was very calm this time, only the man you’d see multiple time, Hvitserk was his name from what you’d heard, was here. The two of them talked quietly, almost whispering at time. The atmosphere was tense, but you didn’t feel threatened.

At one-point Hvitserk gave you a sign to put more ale in his cup and as you did, he gave you a large smile. You smiled back shyly, not wanting Ivar to see this interaction. Ivar might have not given you any signs of it since the first time you served him, but you could see that he was possessive of you. Like a man to his horse, like a king to his slave. But still, Ivar was an angry man, one who would not hesitate to start a fight for less and you heard horrible things in the village about what he did… You even dreamed often about them, feeling them to be too realistic to be imaginary.

Once you went to Ivar’s side you could understood that he’d seen it and he wasn’t happy. He looked at Hvitserk with a stern look on his face. He told him something in a grave voice. Hvitserk’s answer seemed defensive. After a few back and forth you saw Ivar sit back and he looked at you mischievously.

‘’Little Mary, my brother Hvitserk has a question for you.’’

‘’I’ll answer it gladly my king.’’

Your answer looked like It amused him, Hvitserk, on the other hand, looked embarrassed, turning his head with a sigh, ready to quit the room.

‘’Would you fuck him?’’

You were shocked. You weren’t expecting it. You tried to find the right answer in this scenario, which would be the least dangerous or humiliating.

‘’I… I… I can’t answer that….’’

‘’Is that a yes or a no?’’ he turned his head to his brother. ‘’Don’t leave Hvitserk, you want to know her answer, don’t you?’’

Hvitserk rolled his eyes and answered with a broken English. ‘’You humiliate her, brother. She does not need to be asked this question...’’

‘’It is your fault I’m asking. All I want is your happiness and if you want her I can’t stop you from getting it. But I think we should know what she thinks first.’’

Ivar brushed you hand with his finger quickly and you wondered if it was an accident and why did it raise the hair at the back of your head.

Their confrontation resumed in their language and you were, again, lost. It looked heated and the calm dinner looked more and more like the others. How much could this family fight? It was a mystery how no one had killed each other yet.

The voices raised and you got a bad feeling. You felt a cold from behind and when you looked it was the man from your dream. He had not appeared since the incident. He approached and this time you weren’t scared. He put both hand on your eyes and you saw.

You saw so much.

So much your head started spinning and you almost fell but you weren’t in the same place in the room anymore. This time you were a spectator, watching from farther. You could see Ivar and Hvitserk but also yourself standing by their side.

You saw Ivar pound three time on the table and then get a axe out and point it at Hvitserk. You saw yourself gasp and Ivar pushing you away before Hvitserk got a knife.

Then you were in your body again.

There was no one behind you and they were both so concentrated on their fight that they surely wouldn’t have seen what you seen even if was real. But it felt real.

Then, it happened. Ivar knocked once, twice and then…

‘’NO!’’ you screamed. Both brothers looked at you in silence.

‘’What do you mean no?’’ Ivar asked. You couldn’t tell if he was offended that you had intersected or if he was simply just angry from the verbal fight with his brother, but he did not look happy.

‘’I would not…’’ you took a pause, the word stuck in your throat. ‘’I would not lay with him… my king.’’

That looked to softened Ivar a little, a smile appeared on his lips and he leaned back on his chair. Hvitserk raised both hand and got up, he bowed sarcastically and walked out. He looked way more frustrated in his brother than in you and that was a relief. He knew where your sister was and to make sure she was protected was the most important thing.

As you were watching him get out you started to feel humiliated. Humiliated that you even had to answer this question. As a woman from a village somewhat far from the kingdom the morals were looser and so, you were pretty used to the idea of sex, having already lost your virginity to a local boy the same age as you years ago. But this time it was different, the power dynamic made it that you would lose in either situation, you couldn’t lie, nor could you tell the truth. If they desired, they could rape you in second and no one would come help you. Rage started to boil your vein, but you couldn’t do nothing about that, not here, not while Ivar was there.

You went to put more ale in his cup, but he took your wrist in his hand and you clenched your other fist, trying to contain the rage.

‘’Did you tell the truth?’’

You licked your lips, trying to contain your heart pounding in your chest, trying to crack open your ribs. His blue eyes looked gentler than his tone, but you weren’t sure which to trust.

‘’Yes, I told you I would answer anything.’’

‘’You didn’t say you wouldn’t lie.’’

You frowned and he let go of your hand. If he was anyone else, you would have left the room. His incriminating tone made it hard to believe that you weren’t in trouble. You knew from the couple of time you’d served him that he could easily shift from a calm attitude to an angry one in split seconds, without a warning.

He laid back again and turned his head on the side, choosing a slower and smoother voice: ‘’You’re scared of me.’’ It wasn’t a question, he knew it. There were no points in answering him. A smile formed on his lips. Yours parted in return and fear transformed into something else, something warmer and messier.

‘’Sit down.’’

You did and observed the food in the middle of the table. You were hungry, the Vikings usually made you eat after the dinners and early in the morning. Your last meal felt very far away.

‘’You can eat, I don’t mind.’’

You hesitated but quickly grabbed one of the chicken legs, devouring it, as to not waste any pieces. You could feel his gaze on you and you still weren’t sure of his intention but went along with it because you had no other choices.

‘’Why are you afraid of me little Mary? Have I hurt you?’’

‘’No my king…’’

‘’Do you feel mistreated here?’’

You could hear the scream coming from the church the day they came. The day Ivar called you little Mary for the first time, the day they killed your parents and your brother.

‘’No’’ it came in a whisper. It wasn’t a lie, but he wasn’t asking for the truth either.

‘’Then why can I see the fear behind your eyes every time I talk to you?’’

You were trying hard to find what to answer, the best thing to put him at ease, to keep this position you were in. He answered before you could.

‘’Could it be just about the day we met?’’ The way he said it, like it was a personal thing. Like he didn’t meet dozens of others, like he didn’t kill more than he had to. You clenched your jaw in a last attempt to keep the tears at bay. ‘’Oh’’ he raised a finger and pointed at you, leaning over the table. ‘’I think I found why.’’

‘’I’m sorry king…’’

‘’How could I change this?’’ This time, he was calmer. You’d grown able to see, by the way his eyes followed someone if he was about to hurt the one he talked to or not. In this case, it didn’t look like it, but why were you still terrified to answer him.

‘’Well…’’

‘’Speak freely (Y/N), I won’t hurt you.’’ At the mention of your name you turned your eyes to him. He rarely called you by your real name and every time he did, it felt like a weapon he could use against you but not this time, this time it felt sincere and intimate.

You didn’t know how to respond. The only thing that really mattered to you was your freedom and your sister, that was it. But asking the man you made you a slave to free you felt too much. It felt dangerous.

‘’My sister…’’ you took a pause, wondering if even asking was too much.

‘’Yes, your sister?’’ he encouraged you to continue.

‘’I’d feel safer if she didn’t have to work in the field or with men… she’s too young and I’m afraid of what they could do to her.’’

For a moment Ivar looked like he was deciding, and your hand clutched to your dress and you bit your lips, wondering if this decision involved doing the opposite, to tempt you.

‘’I could have her work with the women, drawing the baths, taking cares of the children… could we thrust her with that.’’

You couldn’t contain your smile of relief, hoping dearly that it wasn’t a farce. ‘’Yes, Of course, I’ll make sure she does everything they ask of her.’’

Ivar looked proud of himself and for a moment, because he gave you something, you didn’t feel like a slave. When you looked at the table and saw all the food that was yours to clean that feeling went away.

‘’What else?’’

Freedom.

‘’I don’t know my king, this was generous enough, I don’t want or need to ask for further.’’

Freedom.

‘’There must be something else, I understand you fear for your sister, but I know that I scare You. I want to see **you** happy.’’

Freedom.

‘’Happy?’’ He was starting to say things that you didn’t believe a king would ever say to a slave, it didn’t made sense.

‘’That day that we arrived, you almost killed me. Many peoples have tried, that didn’t surprise me but what did is that you had no experience. You didn’t look like you held many weapons in your life and yet you threw that axe with a rage I recognize. I feel it, everyday. Yet you, I have never seen you angry after that day. Annoyed maybe, sad obviously, angry that day you hit poor Hegber but that fiery rage is so controlled and yet I can see it in you. I want you close to me because I want to learn from you. I want to know how you do it.’’

He reached a hand and laid it on top of yours and you saw something.

You saw yourself getting up and walking to him. You had no reason to believe you were doing the right thing, even a remotely reasonable one but every muscle felt like they were moving on their own. You grabbed his face and kissed him. A slow kiss that doesn’t ask for more, one that takes warmth and lust. Then you drew back and he looked shock. A good shock, one that asks why but doesn’t judge. A look that asks for more and yet does not oblige.

You put your mouth next to his ear and whispered.

‘’I want to be free.’’

And in that image, he granted it to you. And he loved you.

As you came back to reality your vision was blurry, almost dark. You got up, surprised and spun around, trying to look at your hands, trying to feel them as real. You fell and lost consciousness. 


	6. Odin

[Day 36 – Autumn]

\-- IVAR’S POV –

When the slave girl fell, he wasn’t sure what to do. At first, he wanted to go to her, help her, but he wouldn’t be of great help, he was past the shame of asking for someone else. He asked the two men to bring her to his chamber. Both assumed the worse for that girl and it was better, for his reputation, to keep those assumptions alive. They laid her on the bed and were asked to bring one of the women to help change her out of her old clothes.

As she started, Ivar turned around, almost embarrassed that he was here. He promised himself that after Freydis there would be no one else. No one to lust after, no one to care for, no one to hurt and be hurt. But this wasn’t caring. No, he had managed to convince himself that this was only curiosity. That it was a message from the gods, that he had found a part of himself in someone else and had to found how to be better because of it.

When the woman walked out, he stayed there, looking at the wall. He could hear her breathing slowly. He didn’t know what he was waiting for. He walked into the hallway and as he closed the door he couldn’t leave. He sat down, his back to the door and listened. He thought about the fact that the last woman in his bed, before her, was his dead wife.

He would not sleep tonight.

Instead he listened to every sound he could. From the slave cleaning the dinner room to the men and woman walking to their beds. At one point, later in the night, a sound, faith enough to be disregard, came out of the room. He tried to ignore it at first but when the hair at the back of his neck raised, he put his ear directly on the door. She was talking, he couldn’t understand about what, the door muffling the sounds.

He got up, trying not to make too much noise and entered, walking as slow as he could to her. Something was off in her voice. She wasn’t talking English, she was speaking norse. Ivar approached her and listened. She was saying a tale about Odin. She sounded completely lucid and yet, her face was letting no sign that she was awake. A streak of hair was covering part of her face and Ivar, almost as a reflect, approached a hand and brushed it off her face slowly. His fingers barely touching her soft cheek. As he took his hand away, he felt compelled to touch her again. Her tale sounding almost like a song.

He waited till the tale was over, to see if she would continue. She did not.

It was time to leave now. Yet, he wanted to touch her again, to know more. When he did, he was almost ashamed to be there, as if he had no right, not now.

\--End of POV—

Waking up the bed was soft. Too soft. In your little tent the animal fur you’d laid down for you and your sister was old, rugged and stank from humidity. But no such smell irritated your nose this time. You opened your eyes slowly, scared to find that your vision would still be blurry. But you managed to see, as clear as day, that you weren’t where you were supposed to be.

This place was warmer and safer. No wind was entering by loose cracks in the wood. You were wearing a whitish night gown, and someone had left a water cup next to the bed. You smelt it carefully and gulped the entire thing. You found yesterday’s clothes on a chair in the corner of the room, right next to the door. As you went to pick it up it opened, and you jumped.

‘’I see you’ve finally awake.’’

You clutched the clothes tighter to your chest.

‘’Yes, I’m feeling much better.’’

Ivar walked to the bed and sat down; he laid his crutches right next to him before looking at you with his blue eyes. For a couple of seconds, too much, no one spoke. You considered walking out and getting dress in a dark corner but since he was the king and you were a slave. You had to wait for him to decide what was going to happen.

He broke the silence by saying: ‘’What happened?’’

‘’I must’ve hit my head.’’ It was an easier excuse than the truth.

He looked… shy? No. Couldn’t be. Maybe he was annoyed. But you’d seen him annoyed, this wasn’t it.

‘’May I ask something my king?’’

‘’Yes, you may’’ his face changed completely. Now that you talked to him as if he had the control, he looked much more confident. A half smile taking place back in his face.

‘’Why am I here?’’

‘’Why not?’’

‘’Because I usually sleep in…’’

‘’Oh, that cold thing that you share with you little sister?’’

‘’Yes.’’

‘’This was closer.’’ He shrugged and took back his crutches, ready to leave. ‘’By the way, you talk in your sleep.’’

‘’You were here?’’ of course. He had the right to do anything he wanted but you wanted to know, you needed to know why you? Why weren’t you throwed to your sister? Why would he have notice you talking?

‘’No, I didn’t watch you sleep. But I came by to see if you were fine in the night and I heard you whispering something about Odin.’’

‘’Odin?’’ you had vaguely heard that name being said around Kattegat a couple of time, but you still didn’t know what or who it was.

As he was walking out, he put a hand on your shoulder and took a pause, as if he wasn’t sure about touching you. ‘’Take the night off little Mary, see you tomorrow’’

You nodded at him and he left.

\--

You searched for your sister for almost an hour before finally finding her safe, boiling some water with another woman. She ran to you and almost knocked you over. One of the ladies working gave you a dark eye and you went to help them.

She gave you a puzzled look and you answered: ‘’King Ivar, he sent me.’’ She didn’t understood at first but when you repeated the name she nodded and went away.

He hadn’t sent you. But you needed an excuse to talk to your sister.

‘’Where were you? I almost didn’t sleep at all, I was worried sick!’’

‘’I’m fine. I just…’’ you bit your lips, wondering how much you should say to her. ‘’I fell and hit my head and must’ve lost consciousness’’

Margery immediately went to look at your head trying to find the source of the problem but you brushed her off and pointed to the task at hand. Both of you lifted a large water pot off the fire and put in another.

‘’Then king Ivar… well, I’m not sure what he did but… I woke up and I was in his chamber.’’

‘’You lied to me!’’ she frowned.

‘’What do you mean?’’

‘’You ARE his whore.’’

You turned to her, offended, thinking of slapping her but you restrained yourself. ‘’Margery!’’

‘’Well?’’

‘’NO. I am not his whore… I don’t think… I don’t even think he touched me at all, I would remember it, I think.’’ A shiver went to your spine at the idea that Ivar would’ve taken advantage of you. But there was no pain, there was no tenderness. Then you started thinking of Ivar touching you while you’d agree, and the shiver went downward…

‘’So, he just put you in his bed and that’s it?’’

‘’Yes. It’s very weird’’

You continued the rest of the task in silence, both not knowing what was appropriate to assume.

Later in the day as you were getting ready to go to bed you where picking your nails when a question arose.

‘’Margery?’’

‘’Mmh?’’

‘’Do you ever ear me speak during the night?’’

She shrugged and nonchalantly answered: ‘’I wouldn’t know. I’m such a heavy sleeper, I wouldn’t even wake up when… when Philip was born, I was the only one he wouldn’t wake up when he screamed at night. Henry would say that even the pigs didn’t squeak that loud. But me…’’

At the mention of your brothers you felt a knot in your throat and both of you looked at each other, knowing it was enough for today. As you went to sleep you thought about that name he said. ‘’Odin’’. It sounded natural on his lips, familiar. But you… you didn’t know. You’d heard it but in the same way as you’d heard other words around the town.

You whispered the word before falling asleep, hoping you’d find answer in your dreams.

\--

The man with one eye had become a familiar figure. Even after a period without seeing him in your dreams you almost expected him to be here at the end of the day.

‘’Who are you?’’

He didn’t answer, again. ‘’It’s been weeks, why can’t you tell me?’’

He opened his mouth and you got hopeful but then, he turned around and walked away. You ran after him.

‘’I know you’re not just a dream.’’ He ignored you. ‘’I saw you yesterday, you were there. Right next to king Ivar.’’

‘’Who is Odin?’’ this time he stopped and turned toward you. His figure grew, like a shadow with the sun. You followed him with your eyes until your neck hurt.

His voice resonated so loudly; your feet shook under you **‘’ME’’**

As he walked away the ground shook and opened. When you looked in the cracks you saw the past and the future. Thousands of newborns mangling with even more dead people, both screaming at the tops of their lunges.

Odin was gone and you were left here, terrified of being able to see it all.


	7. Freedom

[Day 51 – Autumn]

Odin. Maybe it was just a dream. Maybe you have no idea who Odin was still. You thought about him everyday of this slave life you had.

This morning you woke up earlier than the sun itself, unable to fall back asleep, you put on the biggest fur you could and went to find answers. Usually, the slaves had every right to move around the city if they did their work, unless someone had claimed them as their own. In your case, since Ivar had done just that, no one would bat an eye on where you were going, afraid to offend the king himself. You still put on your hood in case someone was to ask questions.

You knew who you wanted to find but you had no ideas where he could be. You hadn’t seen him since the first time you served Ivar. You worried he maybe had left the city since he had not even been on any of the dinner after that. On your way to the river you saw Dimittri washing himself near the boats. You hesitated to ask him, but you had no other options.

‘’Hi’’

He looked up, whilst washing himself. ‘’Hey’’

‘’Can ask you something?’’

‘’If I answer will I end up hurt?’’

‘’I don’t think so’’

‘’Then ask away.’’

‘’Would you know where to find lord Ubbe?’’

Dimittri looked around for a time then looked back at you. The water on his naked chest was glistering in the early sun’s rays. You looked at him for long, too long. Up until he must’ve realized and got out the water, fully naked and you turned around, ashamed to be looking at him this way.

‘’Haven’t seen him for a while so no.’’ you could ear him putting up fabric, but you didn’t want to turn around yet.

‘’Is he in the village at all?’’

‘’Probably gone on a raid, heard a couple of other people talking about it’’

When you finally turned to him your hood fell, revealing your entire face. Dimittri was wearing a big fur coat, as if he wasn’t naked a couple of seconds ago. He made a puzzled face,

‘’Oh… Well,’’ you weren’t sure if you should ask him out of all people, but you were too scared of Ivar to ask him and there was no one now…

‘’You’re the English girl! The one who broke the shed aren’t you?’’

‘’I didn’t break anything’’ you replied, in defence.

‘’You know what they say about you?’’

You hesitated before continuing. ‘’King Ivar has told me’’

Dimittri let out a chuckle before going away. You kept walking by his side.

‘’And you? You think I did it?’’

‘’Don’t know but…’’ he stopped.

‘’But what?’’

He looked into your eyes, you felt intimidated but stayed.

‘’Do **you** think you did it?’’

That’s where he got you. You knew that this black liquid wasn’t normal, you knew that you hadn’t try to pray after the accident. You couldn’t convince yourself you were innocent and yet; you couldn’t talk yourself into the idea that you weren’t. As if Dimittri could read your thoughts he smiled and went away again. You still followed.

‘’Who’s Odin?’’

‘’Its one of their gods’’

‘’One of them?’’

‘’The main one you could say. He has one eye and he has the power over everything and everyone. He controls the outcome of wars, the future and everything you could think of’’

That’s when you stopped following. Dimittri didn’t looked bothered at all. He just kept going to wherever he was already heading to.

Odin. One eye.

Far away, you could see his figure in the field, looking at you.

\--

Maybe it was the short night, maybe it was the revelation from earlier but tonight you kept messing up. Tripping over your own feet, dropping some hail on the ground. Neither Ivar nor the other men and woman present in the feast looked to notice but some of the other slave did. As the night progressed, your head started to throb horribly and all you could think was your bed waiting for you once this was over.

Everytime one of them would scream, announce a toast or anything of that matter you would have to close your eyes to concentrate on not throwing up. As the dinner was getting to an end you felt relieved. Nothing had happened this time. Maybe the incident was an isolated one, maybe it was fatigue. Odin was nothing really, he was a fragment of your imagination, he was…

He was right there. Standing behind King Ivar.

You couldn’t keep your eyes off him. Ivar must’ve thought you were looking at him because he gave you a sign to get closer.

‘’How are you feeling today little Mary?’’

‘’Very good my king.’’

He wasn’t convinced. You kept glaring at Odin’s figure, now standing a few feet from you.

‘’You know I could punish you for lying to me’’

This time you tried to ignore the presence and concentrate all you had on the king. ‘’Well… I am a little tired, I’ve been having a lot of dreams’’

He smiled, genuinely interested. ‘’Yes? Why don’t you tell me about them’’

You were about to begin but then Ivar declared something to the people attending and they all left, even the slaves. Leaving you two alone.

‘’Sit down, don’t be afraid’’

As you did, you got scared that something like last time would happen. It was awfully silent now, the absence of everything was overwhelming and a shiver set itself on your back.

‘’I dream about…’’ you didn’t know how to begin. ‘’I dream about Odin, he comes to me in my dreams and he talks to me’’

His smile grew even more. Behind him, the figure had now disappeared.

‘’I didn’t know who it was, then today, someone told me he was a god and now… I don’t know what it means’’

‘’So, the night you fell, did you know who Odin was? What he meant’’

‘’No, not at all. I had just seen him in my dreams, and I heard the name a couple of time but I didn’t know anything beyond that.’’

‘’Tell me, little Mary, do you understand when I speak Norse?’’

You shook your head.

‘’So, you don’t speak it either?’’

‘’No, why?’’

His eyes lit up. He looked amaze by what you just told him.

‘’You are special little Mary, very special, that’s why.’’ His excitement didn’t match your fear. You had no idea what was going to happen. Different scenarios playing in your head all at once. ‘’I think you have been chosen by gods, we need to find out why’’

Chosen by gods. It felt sacrilegious to even hear it.

‘’I am just a slave my king, I am sorry…’’

He took your had in his and you got scared the same thing would happen but fortunately, this time, there were no visions.

‘’That’s where you are wrong little Mary.’’ He took a pause and looked around before continuing, in a quieter tone. ‘’You didn’t just fall and hit your head two days ago didn’t you.’’

You started to panic. He could do anything to you if he wanted. You’d heard a couple of time about Viking’s affection for sacrifice. And if he believed you holy… you didn’t want to end up with your throat opened for everyone to see.

‘’And the shed. I know it wasn’t an accident.’’

There was a long pause. You couldn’t lie. You couldn’t talk.

‘’Are you going to kill me?’’

Ivar backed away slowly, his body loosening up.

‘’Kill you? If you are chosen, like me, you can’t be killed, I wouldn’t even attempt it’’

That’s when it hit you, the realisation of power, his eyes on you, the admiration. It wasn’t you who should be afraid, you were the one who could look into time. Maybe you didn’t have any control over it, but you would one day find out how and they would all fall.

You got up, now towering over him, your shadow covering his face. His smile meaning he wasn’t intimated one bit and he did nothing to stop you.

‘’Ask me what I want’’

‘’Why would I?’’

‘’If you say that I am chosen from gods, if you say I am special, ask me what I want, Ivar the boneless’’

His name, said like that, slithered out of your mouth. His smile faded and this time, he seemed smaller. He took a long breath, probably wondering if he was doing the right thing at all.

‘’What do you want?’’

You walked to him and approached to his face, he let you. Without any vision, you could still see him, his back to the halter, clapping at you hysterically next to thousand of cadavers, cadavers from lives you used to know. One of his hand raised to your face but before he could even touch you, you grabbed his face with both of yours and kissed him. His mouth opened and you let your tongue mingle with his. You could taste the sour liquor on his tongue. One of his hand went to your lower back and that’s when you pulled away.

You hesitated for a second and then put your lips next to his ear and whispered:

‘’I want to be free’’

You had already seen this, but you didn’t know about the desire to kiss him more, the throbbing sensation between your legs and his taste lingering on your tongue. You didn’t know about his answer or the fact that he would look more vulnerable than ever, at your mercy right now.

After a silence that felt everlasting. He opened his mouth and ‘’I will give you everything you ask’’

You closed your eyes, feeling the joy from your lips to your toes. You felt like your body was floating in the room. Then, despite your desire you left the room and went to your sister, eager to tell her about the news. This time, without Odin, you could see Ivar, in his chair, thinking about you and you thought about him, from the first day you saw him, all the violence and humiliation, to now.

\--

‘’Margery wake up’’

You pulled her cover and shook her body until she did.

‘’WHAT? WHAT?’’

She looked more annoyed than scared.

‘’I’m free’’

‘’What?’’

‘’King Ivar, he gave me my freedom, I can leave’’

A large smile covered her face at once. As you took your hand in hers, she got more serious, until she finally pulled back, frowning. You thought it had something to do with your new state so you tried to reassure her, but little did you know it was not what she was worried about.

‘’Don’t worry Margery, I won’t leave without you. We’ll find a way to make you free, or I’ll buy you and give it to you if I have too…’’

‘’Why did he give you your freedom?’’

‘’He thinks… you know what, it doesn’t matter, what matters is that I am free again. We’ll be able to go back to England’’

‘’And what? See our family?’’

Suddenly, happiness had left the tent. Under the candlelight, she looked almost as old as you. Her hair was longer than you remembered, her eyes didn’t shine as much.

‘’Why are you saying those things Margery? This is a good thing; do you want to be a slave all your life? Be at their mercy, do anything they ask forever?’’

She crossed her arms and you swore you could have seen a tear in her eye.

‘’This is not about that (Y/N). Of course, I want to be free. What worries me is that you don’t know. You don’t know everything I have been told’’

‘’What do you mean?’’

‘’Why don’t you talk to me about what happened, the tree? The black… thing’’ she made a disgust face. ‘’I was with someone yesterday who said that you stopped someone from killing king Ivar’’

‘’Yes… but… If she had we would…’’

‘’Would have seen the corpse of the man who killed our entire family? Yes, I would have hated that.’’ The look she gave you could’ve killed. ‘’why didn’t you tell me?’’

Why didn’t you? There was no reason to keep anything from her. Maybe you hadn’t considered that she would have been against anything like that. But then again, her reaction was weird, feral.

‘’Because I’m not sure how it happened, I was scared.’’

‘’Why were you scared?’’

Now you were stuck. You either would have to tell her and sound crazy or not and once again, lie to her. The risk to lose her was strong either way.

‘’Because I saw it happen before it happened.’’

She didn’t look weirded out, or scared. There were no emotions behind her eyes.

‘’They call you a witch’’

‘’Yes. I’ve heard’’

But what mattered was her. It was her opinion you were worried about.

‘’Are you?’’

You took a pause to think about it, think about everything you had learned about. Think about the consequences of either way.

‘’I don’t know’’

Against all odds, Margery grabbed you slowly by the arm and pulled you onto the bed. She held you there like you did for many nights. She didn’t say a word, she just went and played your role. She became the big sister and you both fell asleep, rocked slowly by the answers you didn’t had, the doubt and the pain to come. Just two orphan sisters from England trying to be good for one night.


	8. The bear

[Day 63 – Autumn]

You weren’t sure what to do with your newfound freedom. You were trying to find a way to free Margery but that meant asking to Ivar again and he still scared you. The power you felt the night of the kiss was short live and every time there was a chance you could see him, you’d panic.

As for the dreams, they were still there but there had been no visions. They were becoming weirder by the day. More people were involved and very few ended well. Many wars and pain.

Something happened, at first you didn’t believe it, but it was real. Your vision was worsening. You could still see but, when your sister was far away, her figure was harder to identify. Your mother had complained about her poor vision a couple of time, especially as she became older, but you never had that problem before. This morning, you were trying to test that theory by watching your sister walking away to her work. Studying when it was difficult to identify her. A hand on your shoulder made you jump and turn quickly, you had to put a hand on your mouth to stop a surprised scream.

“I heard you’re free now”

It was Dimittri, the priest.

“Yes. King Ivar has been…”

He cut you off, not impress by your show of politeness. “You’re lucky”

“I suppose I am.”

“OR, it’s not just luck.” He looked you up and down and instantly, you felt threatened.

“I am not his whor…”

“Have you heard the story of his ex-wife?”

He looked around for a bit then took you by the arm and lend you to a little storage cabin. Inside it was almost colder than outside. In the smallness of the cabin, his face was close to yours, too close for your comfort. But curiosity kept you there.

“Before his wife was his wife, she was a slave. They say she seduced him, made him fall in love. Then, after he gave her freedom. She didn’t have enough, she wanted more. She knew who the cruel Ivar was and yet she desired what he could give to her. She told him lies that went to his head, told him he was a god. Then, because he couldn’t give her children, she faked it. Fucked one of the slaves and killed him. When the child was born, he was deformed, and Ivar killed him.”

Your breath was becoming uneasy, Dimittri, weirdly, looked to be enjoying the tale, enjoying scaring you.

“Then, she betrayed him, and the town was broken into by his brother. Now, you must understand that Bjorn was unsuccessful, and Ivar is still king but what do you think happened to Freydis? What happened to his wife? The wife whose child he killed?”

You knew the answer but didn’t want to continue. The priest approached his mouth to your ear and said “He killed her.”

His smile gave you chills. “Some say he raped her corpse afterward, but I don’t believe it. I believe more the tales that say that our precious king’s cock doesn’t work”

“Why are you telling me this?”

Dimittri smile faded and he approached one of his hand to your cheeks. You were ready to pull back, but the caress wasn’t threatening. For a couple of second, he looked more like a father. The lights entering by the wood’s cracks showed his wrinkles. He wasn’t very old but with a few more years he could have been your father, or an older brother with a few less. He looked sad.

“I am just saying, be careful (Y/N)” on that, he left the shed, dust lifting as he walked away to his work.

\--

You thought about the story of Ivar’s wife all day. And then some more about the kiss. Trying to find intentions behind it, reasons why you wanted more. When someone came to you and told you, you were invited to Ivar’s dinner tonight you froze. Wondering if you could find a way to steal a boat and your sister, run away to England. Maybe you could join a monastery, become nuns. Or maybe find a small village and marry who you could, find a great suiter for your sister. Just to avoid dinner.

As the day went on, you realized someone was following you. One of Ivar’s guard who would assist each of his dinners. You knew who it was and if he was following you, there was a reason. You couldn’t escape. That was freedom? The frustration was immeasurable, especially when you approached the boats and he got closer, making himself known.

“King Ivar has told me you can take a bath in the main house if you want”

“And if I don’t”

“You’re not stupid. You know the answer”

You followed him into the main house, almost dragging your feet till you were there. When you arrived, the bath was hot and inviting. There was a gown right next to it, you assumed it was for you. But even then, the guard would not leave. He wasn’t threatening but his presence was enough to make you uneasy.

“You’re staying here? I can’t bath alone?”

He turned around and sat, his face to the door. There was no other way out.

“You can’t stay outside the door?”

“No”

You sighed loud enough for him to hear and quickly disrobed. Immersing yourself in the water. You started rubbing, looking at the guard every now and then.

“How did you learn to speak English?”

“Lots of raid in England.”

His answer gave you goosebumps. Beside the hot water, a cold chill started at your neck, all the way to your legs.

“Who taught you? Is it Ivar”

“I am older than his father would be, of course not.”

As you scrubbed the dirt off your nails you wondered about his father. You knew the Vikings as a nation before they came and took you away but that was it. You didn’t know their gods, their tradition, their peoples. Ivar the boneless was a stranger before. His father even more.

“Then who”

He didn’t answer. You kept scrubbing and waiting. “You’re invading my privacy and you know it, the least you could do would be to answer me.”

“No one. I learned everywhere. I wasn’t close to any of them, particularly to his father, I hated his affection to his fucking priest but… It was useful to learn.”

“So you could hurt us more?”

The guard turned and you sunk deeper in the water, hiding your body to him. You hid your naked breast with your hands, somehow more worried about your nakedness than an inevitable hit.

But you were free. And Ivar liked you. You could say anything. The power you felt many nights ago filed you once again.

“How many England villagers have you killed?”

“Many”

He wasn’t scared of you but now you weren’t scared either. You crossed your arms over the edge of the bath, laying your chin on it, looking him from down there you felt better, stronger. Even if he was to hit you, you’d know what would happen at the end. Even with a black eye someone would burn, and his screams wouldn’t ring like yours.

“Touch my hand” you reached your arm further, ready for him to do so. From his reaction, you knew he’d heard. He heard the rumors, the aura surrounding you. From the eyes he gave you, he heard the worst one, for him you didn’t mean peace.

“Why? I won’t”

“Haven’t you heard? I can see the future; I can see what will happen to you”

“I don’t believe it”

He turned around once again. Facing the wall, his back straight as an arrow. As you continued to scrub your body you resumed: ‘’Sure you do. Besides, I’ll advice you to be careful around Ivar, he isn’t as keen to you as you think’’ you smiled to yourself. It was bullshit. There were no visions, you had no control over those but teasing a murderer was the most fun you could have in this cruel world.

\--

Once inside you were greeted by more people than you envisioned. Ivar was there but so was Hvitserk and to your surprise, Ubbe and a stranger you had never seen before.

You bowed your head to him, unsure where to go. He was taller than the brothers, his hair was lighter but the eyes, it was the same.

The vibe in the tent was off, intensely off. They all seemed to follow you with their matching eyes, leaving a heavy weight for you to bare. There was hail in the middle of the table and almost as a reflex, you grabbed it, you went to pour it into Ivar’s cup, but he put his hand on top, stopping you.

“Stop. Sit down.” He pointed a chair at the table, between him and Hvitserk.

You hesitated, looking around, trying to get a grasp of the level of danger you were in. All the eyes were focusing on you, they looked like they knew too much.

“Sit down.” Mirrored Ubbe. Then you did, looking at the food on the table, hearing your breath in the silence of the room.

“So? What is that big announcement you had? Why is it so important that I come here, for you?” the stranger said, looking at you with his blue eyes. Eyes you recognized.

“It’s not for me. It’s for her.” Ivar said, pointing at you with his fork whilst he ate. He was the only one to do so.

You looked around, Hvitserk looked deeply uncomfortable. It must’ve something to do with the night your freedom was given. Ubbe, on the other hand, looked more scared of Ivar than anything and for the stranger, you couldn’t quite figure out what was his deal.

“Why her?”

“I found another god”

That’s when you turned to the king, this wasn’t discussed before. “I’m sorry my king, I’m not a god…”

“Well maybe not directly but you talk to them don’t you”

“I… I’m not sure”

“That’s not the same as being a god, brother” The stranger looked frustrated, his frame towering over the other ones.

“She saw Odin himself”

That got their attentions, you knew they were waiting for you to say something, but you didn’t know where to begin. If you were truthful, you didn’t even know if you could explain what was going on to yourself.

“so, is it true?” Ubbe was calm, you looked at him in his eyes, and saw when he threw the blanket at you, on the boat. Then when he defended you to Ivar. A shadow grew behind him but there was no real form to it. It wasn’t Odin, it wasn’t anyone, it was doom.

“I think so”

“I heard you made a tree fall”

“That’s a lie”

Ivar looked pleased with himself in his chair now that his brothers were interested. You disliked the idea of being a play toy, resenting him for it. With a smile, he asked: “If so, what were you doing when it happened?”

Your fingers started to shake, you tried to hide it, but your fear was transparent. “I can’t tell you”

“You’re losing my time” The stranger got up and was ready to leave but Ivar called him by his name. Bjorn. And then they started arguing in Norse. As they did, you felt a headache starting. You started to see things as you did before. Clear as day, the man, Bjorn, on a journey on his boat, arriving to a beautiful scenery, one you had never seen before. The grass was green, the trees higher than what you’d ever see. The water bluer than anything. Then you saw him, younger, surrounded by snow, battling for his life with a bear, winning beside the cut at his side.

You got up and the words flew out of your mouth, they weren’t yours and yet, this was your voice.

“Bjorn Ironside. It’s been many years since you’ve killed that bear, it’ll be many mores until another one does the same to you.”

“What bear? Why are you…”

“I saw you kill it. You were so cold, almost dying. How awful of a death would it have been, don’t you agree?”

Even behind you, you could tell Ivar was smiling.

“This doesn’t prove anything”

“Oh, brother. Why must you always be against me?”

Bjorn left the room angrily and you sat back down, unsure of your role in what had occur.

“I can’t control what I see, it just happens.”

“I believe you” Ubbe hadn’t move at all, yet, even if his tone was calm, you knew he had doubt. Hvitserk’s doubt were even more apparent. If what Dimittri had told you was true about his ex wife, Hvitserk must’ve witnessed it. He must be weary about a woman coming into Ivar’s life, proclaiming higher things than what the eyes could see.

_I fear what is happening to me._

It Would be the thing you said if you felt truly free, but it wasn’t the case. You had no intention of being a toy anymore. Not a curiosity. Even if during dinner, the questions flew and you did your best to answer them, you knew that before the morning had come, you would be gone, completely gone from this god’s forsaken country.


	9. Escape

[Day 63 – Autumn]

After dinner, you walked calmly to your home, making sure no one was following you. You woke your sister up, explained what was going on. You couldn’t panic, it wasn’t the right time. She understood everything, feeding from your calmness. You walked to the boats, looking like two women, simply taking a walk in the dark town. You saw a couple of drunk man, stumbling to find their ways back home. When you saw guards on the dock, you stopped your tracks.

It was Margery who took your hand and lend you to a farm. Four horses were grazing outside.

“I know where they keep the saddles, wait for me.” She whispered. She went in, unbothered. You looked around but no suspicion seemed to have been raised. When she came back, she saddled them on, picking the two tallest. Without question, you knew she had found a way to care for them in those two months. They were used to her at this point.

“Do you know the way out?”

You did but barely, especially in the dark, it was going to be easy to lose yourself. All you knew is that you needed to find another village and buy a boat, that was it. Or, if you could find a way to get someone to get you there, it was even better. She helped you up and easily got herself on after. You went slowly at first, walking to the road, making sure, once again, no one was suspecting anything. Then trotting and before anyone could say anything, you were galloping, speeding off to the roads until there were none.

Suddenly, as you were almost completely out of Kattegat, further you’d ever been, your horse stopped, blocking his four hooves on the ground, sending you a few feet forward on the ground. The horse sped away, returning to his home. A sharp pain took your left arm and you grabbed it, groaning. You looked and the bone was sticking out, a gruesome spectacle of blood and pain. You tried your best not to make any sound, but it was hard given the gravity.

You could hear your sister struggle with her horses behind you. “Don’t get down!” you said, keeping your voice on the lower end.

That’s when you saw the bush in front of you move.

“Are you okay?”

You shushed her, focusing on the leaves moving. Alone in the woods, no weapons to defend yourself with, this could be your downfall. Petrified, you stayed in place, wounded, in the middle of the road until you saw them get out. Two wolves, the biggest you had ever seen. One showed his impressive teeth and you knew it was over.

“Margery, go.”

“What? No!” You could hear her horse pacing behind you, nervous noises coming out of its nostrils.

Both of the wolves eyes were entirely on you, completely ignoring your sister and the horse. But why hadn’t they attacked yet? It was an easy kill and yet, they stayed there.

“If you get off that horse I will never forgive you” One of the wolf approached, you could see, in the moonlight’s light, his huge paw. And the nails that could easily rip out your eyes.

“I can’t leave you” she whispered. The tears at the back of her throat making themselves heard.

You saw one of the wolves look at her and lick his lips.

That’s when you lost it. You screamed and threw yourself to it, the growl of the animal sending your sister’s horse into a frantic run, completely ignoring her request to stop. It crawled your face and you screamed at the burning sensation.

The other one took one of your legs in his mouth and pulled you away, He put himself over you and growled at the other one. As you felt blood pouring out of your cheek you tried to crawl away with your unhurt arm, but the wolf stepped on top of you. The weight stopping your breath for a second before he laid down, his head on your belly.

The other one was angry but seemed to have accepted defeat, going back in the bushes. The real pain hit you not long after, your arm was crushed under the weight, every time the wolf breathed, the bone moved. Your foot was also badly injured and the cut on your cheek would not stop bleeding, warming your cheek as quickly as it freezes it.

You wanted to scream but you had to leave a chance for your sister to find a way back, without consequences. The tears started to fall silently, and you waited till the wolf would end it, kill you, maul you, eat you. But he never did, instead, he started to lick the tears with its large tongue. Before losing consciousness, you saw that he had one eye missing.

\--

It was all white. From up to down, left to right. The whole place was white and blinding. Was this heaven? Were you finally dead? You looked to your arm and saw that beside not feeling any pain at all, it was still contorted and bloody, the bone snapped in half. You were sitting down, contemplating the whiteness of it all, the purity and sadness of this empty place.

“What is this?”

Suddenly, a woman appeared, right in front of you. Locks of beautiful blond hair long enough to cover her chest. She sat down in front of you, her white gown almost blending into the ground.

“Am I dead?”

She slowly shook her head from left to right and gave you a soft smile, one that is meant for calm and peace. Her beauty was inviting, not intimidating. She did not scare you.

“Should I be afraid?”

“Not of me”

You took a long pause and thought about it. About everything, clearly. About the dreams and the visions, the fears and the doubt. Every emotions and word that you controlled and those you didn’t.

“Are you another god?”

She smiled and nodded. You had no intention to ask about which one.

“Can you tell me what is happening to me?”

“Not yet. But you’ll learn.”

“why am I here if I’m not dead?”

“Because we want you to know that we forgive you.”

“For what?”

“for trying to leave”

You reached to your foot and examined the bite marks, wondering if it was broken. Now that you didn’t feel anything, it was easy to see the extend of your injury.

“What if I try again?”

“there is going to be a time when you won’t have a reason to leave”

“what do you mean?” almost on cue, A coughing fit caught up to you and you started to spat out a dark liquid, the same one you did when you prayed. It didn’t last long but the meaning was clear. 

“Is that all you can tell me?”

She took a long pause; you saw that the blood from your cheek had left a mark on the white grown.

“I can tell you they will become more and more, until you are none”

“why me?”

She gave you a smile and left you alone in the emptiness. You felt yourself floating _. until you are none_ kept repeating in your head. The white englobed you, making it one with your skin and your injury, your dirty clothes and hair.

\--

When you woke up you were in Kattegat right inside the gates. You had no idea how you managed to drag yourself there. It didn’t take long before the pain caught up. You groaned, holding your arm with your other, dragging yourself with your healthy foot. You fell in the mud, wondering what exactly was going on.

It was one of the women you knew from the pig farm who saw you first. She looked shocked at the sight of you, putting a hand on her mouth before running away, presumably to find help. When she came back, there was two adolescents with her.

“Bring me to one of ragnar’s sons” It wasn’t you speaking. 

Once again, as they picked you up, dragging you somewhere, you lost consciousness but this time there was no meetings with gods, only darkness and silence.


	10. Bedside encounters

[Day 64 – Autumn]

There were so many people in the room, all tending to your wounds. The overwhelming frantic keeping you from recognizing the room or who it belonged to. You raised a hand to your cheek and felt a large rag covering it.

“This will hurt”

You didn’t have any time to react before you heard the noise of your bone cracking. Then you screamed, feeling the pain everywhere in your body. You tried to concentrate on your breathing but was overwhelmed by everyone around you and the pain. Oh god the pain. After a time, it got quieter, more and more people leaving until there was no one in the room, or so you believed. You moaned in pain as you attempted to move your foot.

“I think it’s better if you stay still” It was the stranger’s voice, Bjorn. You laid still, finding him with your eyes. “What happened to you?”

“I was attacked by wolves”

“Where?”

It was too late to lie; he probably already knew everything that happened. But if it could, maybe, protect your sister to do so, you were ready.

“When I came back from dinner”

Bjorn took a seat beside the bed and you turned your face to him, looking right into his eyes. He looked calm but you could see, from the way he stared at you, he knew. He knew it was a lie. Like the goddess promised, you saw things, more than before. But you saw mostly Ivar. You saw Ivar, a little older, battling in cold weather, Hvitserk by his side. But then, you also saw him younger, almost as young as he looked now, with you. Kissing you, holding you, loving you. Hurt by you. Crying alone, thinking of the end. Instantly, the vision was cut and you saw, clear as day, Ivar stabbing Bjorn in the chest with a sword.

“Are you in a lot of pain right now?”

You came back to reality and you couldn’t answer. He didn’t wait.

“Where, exactly, in the village were you attacked?”

“Near the front of my door”

“mmh”

“It was quick and then I tried to find help but, none came”

“It’s weird.” He sighed and then got up closer to you. His frame towering over you. “You see it’s weird because in my decades of living here, in Kattegat, I’ve never seen a single wolf inside the gates.”

You blinked, seeing the game of power being played. You were a wounded woman, half naked on a bed. Completely vulnerable.

“It’s like king Ivar told you, I’m special”

But Bjorn did not look impressed. Examining you with those blue eyes he shared with his brothers.

“Do you really believe you are special?”

A woman came back in the room and showed you something to drink, you hesitated to move but she told you something in norse with a calm tone. “She says it’s for the pain” Bjorn mirrored in english. Then you drank. The liquid was thick, and you could taste de bitter herbs, you almost gagged at the texture. As you laid your head back down, the woman left.

“So, are you special?”

“Well… No but… maybe” you laughed and quickly stopped, feeling the bone moving as you did so. You could already feel your eyelids getting heavy. “Bjorn Ironside. Believe it or not, I know more than you”

“Prove it”

You turned your face to him and smiled but the medicine was stronger. You fell asleep and the pain for those multiple hours was completely gone.

\--

For two days you slept. You’d wake up for maybe a feverish minute, barely recognizing the person by your side, if there was actually a person, before going back to a dreamless emptiness. For a moment it was your sister, then your mother, Bjorn, Ivar, your father, Henry, Dimittri even little Philip. You saw everyone you met here or before. You knew they were illusions, but it felt so real each time.

On the third day, when you actually did wake up, there was no one in the room. You sat down on the bed, your head spinning from the movement. You had to close your eyes to keep from falling off. You grabbed the blanket to get a better look at your foot. The bite marks were completely covered by a whitish rag, same for your face. Your arm on the other hand, was wrapped with something ticker and pined close to your chest. Fortunately, it didn’t looked bend anymore. You touched the rag and lifted it; it was painful to do but curiosity had gotten a hold of you.

The bite was apparent, and you could trace each of the wolf’s teeth on your ankle. The wound was dry at least. You did the same for your face but when you touched it with your finger, you hissed at the pain. You could trace it from under the outer corner your eyes, almost to your nose. A straight line.

Someone came in the room and almost dropped whatever she was holding when she saw you. If she looked shocked at first, she then gave you a large smile before going out. When she came back, she had a large glass of water in her hand. You drank avidly, thanking her after.

You didn’t really know what to do after that. You were hungry, really hungry, but you weren’t sure if you would be able to stand you your feet. You tried, at least, but abandoned quickly. Sitting on the chair beside the bed instead. Looking into the place you had been laying down for so long, unsure of the next step.

You heard the familiar sound of crutches approaching. As he came in, he had a worried look on his face, one you’d only seen rarely. Seeing that you were doing fine, he was back to his smug face quickly. He sat down on the bed, right in front of you. You realized at that moment that you were just in your undergarment, but it was too late to care.

“Finally, I’m not the only cripple in Kattegat”

A joke. The king, the violent king, had just told a joke. You smiled and almost laughed but pride had taken hold. In more serious tone, he added: “How are you?”

“I’m… alive, Thank you”

“Since what happened did, I sent some hunters to find the wolves who did this to you”

“Did you find them”

“And more” Your heart stopped at that exact moment.

“Did… Is…” you didn’t even know how to word it.

Ivar reached out to the chair and approached you. You could feel the tears at the back of your throat. It was becoming harder to breathe.

“She is okay.”

That’s when you really started to cry, covering your face with your hand, trying to hide the sound of your sobs.

“I just send her back to work and told her you were doing… that you were alive”

His voice was soft over your relief. You didn’t hesitate, reached to his neck and hugged him, supporting yourself on your foot and on him. It was a long time before he hugged back but when he did, it was protecting, warm, soft, calm. His arms around your waist, pulling you closer.

“Thank you” you whispered. You felt him putting his face in the crest of your neck, breathing hot on your skin. When you finally pulled back and sat back down, you weren’t sure how to act.

“I don’t want you to hate me”

He looked to you with big puppy eyes. You could see the sadness behind them.

“My king…”

“Don’t.” he was about to grab his crutches to walk away but you stopped him in his track.

“I want to hate you. But I don’t”

“How so?”

“Because you killed… You did things, horrible things. To me, to people I love. You humiliate me, you enslave me, play with me.’’ You sighed. “But also, I see future you and I know I’m there. I see you kissing me and loving me and… it’s beautiful, it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, and I haven’t lived it. I want to live it”

‘’I like you little Mary, I think about you…’’

“You scare me Ivar, you terrify me. You need to help me elevate that fear, then I’ll love you. I know it”

He nodded and took your hand in his, stroking your palm with his thumb.

“I need to see her”

He nodded and slowly left the room. You took your place back on your bed and thought about what he said. Feeling his arm on your waist and finger in your palm.

“I’m so sorry”

She was right there, in the front door. Her eyes were red and puffy, and she looked like she hadn’t slept since it happened, but she was alive, at least. She looked you up and down, her breath shaky. When you smiled, she ran quickly to hug you.

“I’m so sorry I left” she sobbed. “I was sure you were dead”

“yeah… me too” you kissed the top of her head, holding her tight. “I’m okay now, you don’t worry yourself anymore. It was just a bad dream.”

She crawled on the bed and you held her close to you. Brushing her hair with your finger.

“I was so afraid they would kill me too” She finally led out. “I haven’t slept since, I thought they would kill me in my sleep”

“They won’t”

“They wouldn’t let me see you…”

“Now they will… you can sleep easy now”

“They killed the horse”

“What?”

“After the horse ran away and I couldn’t stop it… it brought me away from here. For a day, it was just me and the horse. I wasn’t sure where to go. I wanted to go back for you, at first. But I was scared to have to see you… to see you like… So, I tried to do like you said, find a little village, then buy a boat and without any money, maybe I’ll be able to sell the horse for it. But I got sad because, if my family is dead, if my friends are dead if you… then I have nothing. All I have is this horse that I took a little bit care of for a couple of weeks prior. And If I must sell it, then I’ll really have… nothing.”

You saw tears coming out of her eyes, but her voice was still calm.

“Then I heard them. I knew I had to run away but I was very tired and the horse too, so we were no match. We didn’t get very far before they caught me and one of them took me on his shoulder to carry me and when I looked at the horse behind, I saw that they shot an arrow through its eye. It fell and it died.”

“But you don’t have nothing… I’m here.”

“I know now. I just don’t understand why they killed it. They could’ve used it, bring it back. But instead, they just killed it and left it there.”


	11. Sacrifice

[Day 85 – Autumn]

They made your sister take care of you. It was easy work, your wounds were healing up nicely and the pain was becoming more and more manageable as the days passed. One day, Ivar came by and introduced you to a weird table game. At first you hated it, finding it way too complicated for its own good but he persevered in trying to teach you and after a couple of weeks you could almost say you enjoyed it.

“I win!”

Ivar look up and raise an eyebrow, studying the board and his fallen piece. You started to smile, seeing he didn’t seem to have any counter move. It would be the second time you’ve won, if it’s the case. Then, he moved one of his pieces and knocked down your king.

“No, I win”

You let out a sigh, unhappy about the result. Your sister appears in the door frame, carrying a water bucket.

“Hello Margery”

She nodded at him and laid down the bucket. You can tell that she looks at him with a side eye. Since the accident she rarely talked to you about her feeling towards Ivar, but you can tell that they have hardly changed. Without even addressing you she leaves the room.

It’s not because she must, it’s because of him.

“She does not like me, does she?”

“Why should she?”

He puts the pieces back in their places slowly.

“I’m her king am I not?”

“It’s not like it was her choice”

“Doesn’t change anything. I feed her, I keep her safe…”

“She’s my sister Ivar.”

He gets silent and finishes placing the pieces.

“My turn to start” You move your horse to position. “I’ll tell her to be nicer if you want”

“That’s not what I mean, you know it. “

“I can’t force her to like you”

“You’re kind of forcing yourself to like me…”

“I am not! I am not forcing myself to feel anything, I just… feel’’

He nocks down one of your pieces and you frown, not seeing his move prior.

“So you like me now?”

“I am less afraid of you, that’s true”

Ivar had come every couple of day at first to spend time with you, using the pretext of the game. After a while, he started to come everyday, sometimes even coming twice in the same day, always saying he wants to play. If, at first, his presence intimidated you, now it was comforting. He was cocky sometimes but it had grown on you. He’d teach you about the gods and you would listen with an open mind, seeing all the similarities from your dreams. Secluded as you were, the vision were close to none. You’d see some about you and Ivar but they always looked the same, it was a wonder if it wasn’t just a broken disk in your head.

“But do you like me?”

Looking up, he had a smile on his face. You did, you liked him.

“I walked last night, all on my own. I stayed inside and Margery was watching me but I was able to stand on my feet and it didn’t hurt. Apart from my arm, I think I’m doing great.”

“That’s good. Tomorrow I’d love for you to come to this… celebration” He looked unfaced by your change of conversation.

“Of course. What is it?”

“I’m sending some men on a voyage to the west, this is to say goodbye”

“Sweet”

“I’d like for your sister to come too”

“Why so?”

This time you managed to knock one of his pieces and hit the board with your hand happily.

“So maybe she will warm up to our culture, see more than what the slaves have shown her”

“I’ll ask her.”

Seeing the board, you already knew the game was lost.

“You’re too good at this. It’s discouraging”

“You need more practice, that’s it”

He knocked down your king again and didn’t even bother to state the obvious. He simply started to pick the pieces and lay them away, where you usually left them.

“Thank you for spending time with me Ivar, it feels good to have you here.”

He smiled shyly, picking up his crutches, ready to leave. As he was at the door you got up, barely limping, walking to him slowly.

“And I do like you.” You kissed him on the cheek, feeling the warmth move to yours. His eyes moved from yours to your lips, but he stopped himself and went away with a smile.

\--

“I am not going!”

“It’s one night, Margery. If not for you, do it for me”

“I already do enough for you, don’t I?”

You grabbed her by the shoulder and made her sit down next to you.

“Yeah you’re right”

“Besides, I’m not doing anything this vile man tells me, I’d rather die”

“you don’t mean that”

“yes!’’ she had an offended look on her face. ‘’You might want to fuck him, but I remember what he did, I can’t believe you can’t!”

“Margery!”

You went to grab your clothes, pulling them over your head, angry about her attitude.

“I’m sorry… I know it’s more complicated than that.”

“Yes, it is.” You sighed and took a long pause, looking at the door. “I didn’t forget either… I just… I don’t know what to tell you. It’s the way it is, and it won’t go back to the way it was.”

“It was you who made us leave first…”

“I know”

You turned back around and sat down on the chair in the corner.

“Don’t you want to go back anymore”

“I do but also… Some part of me never left and wants you and me to go back. But another part, this voice in my head, is screaming to stay, and I can’t ignore it, it’s stronger than me.”

‘’You’re weird”

You chuckled and she did to.

“Yeah… I know.”

“Why would the king wants me to come anyway”

“He told me it’s because he wants you to see more of the culture”

“Oh, I’ve seen enough. I’ve been cleaning their culture and bowling water for their culture; I don’t want to see more.”

“You know what I mean”

She sat her arms crossed. “I don’t want to. They’re loud and they’re scary.”

You let out a loud sigh. “Alright.”

“Alright?”

“I’ll go alone, you can stay here.’’ She bit her lips, looking stressed out. ‘’What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Why do you need to go?”

“Because the king asked me. Because maybe it will be interesting. Because I have been stuck inside for weeks now. Is that enough reasons for you?”

With that same look on her face she took a long pause before pushing out a long groan. “Alright! I’ll come”

With a smile and rolling your eyes you got back on the bed and started to braid her hair. Getting her ready for later in the night.

\--

It looked like the whole town was there. As the night went on, even more people came. When you arrived in the hall, Ivar’s face lit up. He asked you to sit down next to him and you obliged. He even left a chair for your sister a little off the side. There was no food, only people. Some introduced themselves to king Ivar and you looked at them, interested about some of their attired. You must’ve been staring too long because one started to talk to you.

Panicked, you turned to Ivar, looking for a translation. Ivar talked for you but, again, none of what had been said made sense to you. The man gave you a smile before going away.

“What did he say?”

“Nothing important. He asked who you were”

“And what did you tell him?”

“I told him to go somewhere else”

The apparent jealousy coming from him made your belly tingle. You bit your tongue to prevent any kind of reaction. Off to the side, your sister looked completely lost.

“Come, it’s time for the sacrifice”

‘’The what?” he was already gone, and the crowd was following.

You quickly grabbed your sister by the hand and let both of you be absorbed by the ocean of people navigating in the town. The overwhelming aura from the townsmen made it all come back. As you were walking, every time you would close your eyes you would see things. The faces and fates of all those strangers coming to you until the reality of being suffocated in the crowd looked to be another one of those vision. Happiness and horrors, death and birth all coming at once.

When it all came to a stop you were met by a scene so surreal you couldn’t figure out if it was a vision or not. Two men painted all in black, white and red holding a man half naked by the shoulder. A music, like a loud humming and some drums started to resonate as the crowd looked in awe. Farther to your right was Ivar, holding his hand up, asking for silence. When the music seized You could hear the bugs and the fire in the pit in the silence of the town.

You saw Ivar open his mouth and a loud buzzing took place in your ears. You tried to scratch it off, but it only got louder.

“What are you doing?” your sister tugged on your dress.

“I don’t…” you couldn’t even ear yourself.

“…For Odin to help us in the raids…” The loud cheers of the crowd took place of the buzzing and you were shocked. Thinking of an illusion, you concentred your attention on Ivar, waiting for him to talk again.

“We gift this man to do what he please in his world, All father.”

You could understand. You couldn’t even close your mouth, dumbfounded. The music started again, and all eyes went to the man on display. The painted man raised a sword high and the crowd cheered. The half naked man looked pleased, even when the sword was planted in his chest and blood came out of his mouth, looking like a snake poisoning his insides.

Your sister gasped and quickly turned her face to you. Her eyes went from yours to your side.

“(Y/N), you have something on your neck.”

You traced the liquid to your ears and feeling the thick texture between your fingers, you already knew what it was.

\--

Back in the hall, you couldn’t touch the food, your sister either. The image of the man being killed would play again and again in your head. It felt as thought you could feel the warmth of his blood in your mouth. The cheers in the room would make the ground shake but you felt so apart from it. Your sister’s face was stuck in a permanent frown as she would judge every man or woman who would dare approach her.

“You don’t like the food?”

You didn’t even turn to Ivar. Simply picking a chicken thigh, biting into it without any appetite. You had no desire to speak to him about the complexity of your mind. Maybe if you ate a little, he would leave you alone.

He didn’t.

“What is wrong?”

“I’m fine.”

“No. You were fine an hour ago, now you… you’re silent, and weird.”

As you turned to him you were met by concern in his eyes.

“I am sorry my king. I am feeling a little tired, I think I will go to my bed, if you’ll excuse me.”

Your tone was not lost on him, as you tried to get up, he put a hand on your arm and made you sit down again.

“No, you’re not excuse. Why are you like this?”

You looked around the room to the party still going hard. No one was paying any attention to you and Ivar.

“I…” you bit the inside of your cheeks, almost drawing blood. This time you knew your sister had felt something was off. Her eyes on you and Ivar on his finger holding your arm firmly in place.

“Tell me!”

“Let me go.”

He let your arm free, frowning at you until you walked out, closely followed by your sister.


	12. Stranger

[Day 107 – Winter]

It was a travesty of a feeling.

That feeling of gloom and fear slowly becoming bigger, filling you with doubt about everything you would see. The reality around you would often collapse with visions, almost taking over your own thoughts, as if there was no place for both at the same time.

The truth and the emotions mixing into a bloody cocktail of painful imagery. You didn’t believe of the vision of love from Ivar anymore, nor did you in your past or even the present. Your own sister sometimes feeling like a stranger to you.

Paranoia and the exhaustion from being the vessel of visions kept you inside, you barricaded the door, only letting Margery in and out for work.

“Please talk to me.”

Your back turned to her, you would place your finger in your ears to keep you from earing anything.

“This is ridiculous, it has been weeks!”

Even as she shook you, as she pinched your arms, you would look away.

“(Y/N)!” only the call of your name would generate a reaction. A simple look in her direction. Her eyes were filled with tears but what was it really. At least with her there was no look into the future, only the past. For which you have shared but it feels so distant and yet so close. As if two sides of you were fighting about the validity of this knowledge.

Were your own eyes deceiving you? There was no answer.

“Please tell me what to do!” sobbing she hugged you, but you couldn’t hug her back, petrified.

Later in the night, whispers awoke you.

“please… me” you turned to it, trying to understand what she was saying.

“… what to do, please give me strength. I will repent for any of my sin, Jesus in heaven please hear my prayer for I love you and worship you...”

“Stop” you said.

“…Please Mary sweet mother protect me in your infinite love”

“Margery, I said stop”

You could see her in the dark reacting to the first words you said in weeks but she continued, never interrupting her prayer. You could feel in the bottom of your belly something growing, a pain like a canker sore, an embrace like a knife.

“…Protect my sister from those who would harm her…”

You threw the heavy fur blanket on the ground, turning to face her in the dark. Her face lit from the soft moonlight coming in through the cracks of the wooden room.

“…And God whose love I ache for, please don’t let our pain be in vain. In the name of the father, the son…”

You were shaking. Coming to your sense at the same rate you were losing them. All the liquids in your body turning to black, fading your skin to grey. Or it felt like it. Looking at your hand, it was true, it felt true. It was a word, it can’t hurt. It might have destroyed a house last time, it might have made you vomit your guts, but it was just a word. You could say it.

Odin was a farce.

It was all a farce.

All you had to do was to say the words and the gods would be proven to be jokes.

“..and the holy spirit..”

Your sister crawled to you, studying your expression, the words you did not spoke.

In unison, you finished “Amen”

The word was left in your mouth and nothing happened.

That’s when you started laughing, softly at first. Margery following your expression, in her in was relief. But then your laugh turned hysterical, resonating into the wall, surely waking a few people close by. It would not stop, even when your cheeks hurt, and your sister got scared. If this was the punishment, it did not feel like it. The laugh was real, so was the confusion.

She slapped you hard on the cheek and it stopped for a moment.

“I’m sorry, are you…”

The laugh started again, and you pushed her aside and destroyed the small barricade you had made to keep anyone out and stepped out yourself. Only when you felt the cold ground of Kattegat under your feet that you calmed down. The thin layer of snow between your toes. The laugh toned down to a small chuckled that you had no control over.

“What are you doing?”

You did not wait and started walking where your feet would take you. You had no control over them and it was fine because there was no violence only the slight pain from your frosted toes.

“It’s too cold outside, you need to get back in (Y/N)”

There was a small road that you had seen a couple of time and you saw the wind blow into the remaining leaves of the tree surrounding it. You smiled and followed it.

“You will freeze! Please!”

“I will be fine.” You looked at your feet and even if they were cold, they weren’t even red. Your sister, further away was already frozen, her nose completely red even if she had the fur around her shoulder. “Look at my feet”

“You’re crazy (Y/N).” she shook her head. “Please… just…”

This time you went for real and she did not follow you. You walked into the trail and it became less and less clear if it was a road. The trees getting closer and closer together. But you weren’t lost. It was still sure, for some reason, in which direction you were meant to go.

You got tired at one point and sat down on the snowy ground, your back to a tree, to take a break. Until you felt something creep up on your shoulder.

The snake slithered from down the tree to make its way on your shoulder. Its black scale shinning in the moonlight. It went slowly, wrapping itself on your arm before getting to the grown. You got up and followed it, it was hard to really see but every time you lost it, it would make the snow, or the dead leaves move. Before you even knew it, you were in a road once again

The sun had taken its place in the horizon and you could feel your eyelids closing by themselves. When you finally lost the snake, for real this time, you laid back down. Closing your eyes, wrapping yourself in a ball to feel a little bit of warmth.

Before you could even feel calm, a warm wet caress on your cheek made you open your eyes. A black wolf, the biggest you have ever seen was standing next to you. Its tongue still hanging out of its mouth. The moment it saw you, it walked away. It stopped not long after and you understood you were supposed to follow it. So, you did. Again. You had to climb some rocks and the wolf did it without any problem, waiting for you every time you would trip over some branch or even your own feet.

The sun was almost down again when you arrived somewhere. A little house, right next to the water. This time the wolf went back into the path and left you there. You stayed far away still, not knowing what was to come from this dream.

But the thing is that it wasn’t a dream.

And now your feet were turning red and your skin was hurting where the sun wasn’t touching it which, currently, was almost everywhere. Your nostril freezing when a gush of wind flood threw the trees. It was not the time to study this situation now. Even you just had spent a night and a day walking on frozen grown, feeling no pain at all. Now, if you didn’t at least try to get inside that little house, you would die.

When you were in front of the door, your legs would move no more. It was a miracle that you manage to get there. You knocked.

Then knocked harder.

You knew that the pain meant that blood was still flowing through your veins, but your toes were getting numb.

“Who is this?” a voice, muffled by the door finally called out.

There was no time to understand why you understood him.

“Please mister, could I warm myself inside, I am very cold.

“No! I don’t know you”

“Please, I will give you everything I have!”

“And what is that?”

“I will die outside tonight, please”

This time he opened the door and you were greeted by a man with black paint around his eyes. But he still did not let you in.

“My name is Angrboda”

This was not what you wanted to say and yet that is what came out. But it looked to have worked, the man looked pained. He got serious and then stepped away, letting you in. You fell to the ground next to the fire. Letting it warm you up.

As your finger and toes warmed up, you flinched at the pain but ultimately welcomed it.

“Thank you” You closed your eyes.

“Where are you from, Angrboda?”

“Kattegat or… Somewhere else”

“And why are you here”

“I don’t know kind sir. I was…” you think about lying but then forget why you should. “I followed the wind and then I followed a snake and after it was a wolf who made me a path. Now I am here.”

“That is a strange story”

He was an older man, maybe fifty maybe even more, skinny, the time had been rough on him. There was no hair left on his head, but his beard was full.

“I have had a strange life”

“But you are so young”

“Maybe it will get even stranger then”

He chuckled. A little laugh that sounded more like an involuntary sound than a real one. He gave you a cup of water and sat down, studying you through his blue eyes. As you drank, you listened to the fire burning. The light making your shadow grow.

“Why do you live so far away from the town? Are not afraid alone?”

“I like to be alone and I am away because it makes it easier for my work?”

“What work? I did not see a farm or crops.”

“I am not a farmer Angrboda”

“Then what do you do?”

“I am a boatbuilder. Floki the boatbuilder”


	13. Floki

[Day 108 – Winter]

You slept next to the fire inside of Floki’s house without any problem. It was warm and cozy, even if it was on the floor. The man had laid a fur for you and you had thanked him dearly for it. The next morning, he even gave you something to eat. A soup, not a good one, far from it, but it helped with your belly aching from hunger.

“I shall not be a pain any longer, I will go back after eating. Thank you Floki for keeping me warm tonight, it saved my life”

“Oh… Angrborda, but you don’t have any shoes, you can’t go back like this”

Looking at your naked feet and the thin underdress, it was a surprise you had made it this far. It wasn’t the strangest thing that had happened this far, but it was far too late to question anything now. The fact that you could hear and speak this language when it was Floki who would talk with you was a welcomed miracle. A gift or a curse, it wasn’t known yet.

“I shall make one pair before I go then, would you help me find…”

“Let me make you shoes, and I will lend you clothes”

“This is too much, you’ve already done enough, I can’t offer you enough to repay…”

“It’s nothing. In exchange tell me of that strange life of yours. Your story of coming here intrigued me so much, I hardly slept last night thinking about it, I want to know more”

“I thank you and I shall”

The man had a strange demeanor about him, his hand moving slowly but with more theater than most people. Gesticulating his thoughts as he went. Quickly after offering to help, he gathered some furs and leather and began stitching them, very slowly, probably slower than he could do them.

“Which stories do you want me to tell to you first?”

“Your name! I wonder, this name is not a common name, I have only met one person called after her”

After her. Why did you even chose this name? why did the power inside of you had made you call yourself after someone you didn’t know?

“I don’t know why this is my name. Most people don’t”

“You never asked your parents why they called you after Loki’s lover?”

Loki was a god. Ivar had told you about him, but Angrboda was no one for you still. He never talked about a lover.

“No, I never did. This is not a very interesting story I’m afraid…”

“On the contrary. Angrborda is a powerful giantess but a scary one, the fact that someone named you after her is already interesting enough”

“I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?”

“I lied to you… I named myself Angrborda, just now. My real name is (Y/N).”

A true look of confusion was instantly drawn on his face but his hands kept moving, carefully sewing the shoe.

“That is not a name from here”

“No, it isn’t.”

He didn’t investigate any further than that but his hand moved faster, insinuating his frustration in your lies.

“What other stories can you tell me (Y/N)” the way he spit out your name made you regret telling him the truth. It was clear now that the name that was given to you was a protection and you had ruined it.

“I can see the future… and the past!”

Floki stopped what he was doing and turned, his curiosity sparked.

“You can see my future then”

“Yes, well… not always but, sometimes it happens when I am close from someone, I can see their faith.”

“If I get closer, will you see mine?”

“Maybe.”

He walked over to the fire and sat right in front of you, but nothing happened. Embarrassed you looked into his eyes, thinking it would maybe help but nothing. Emptiness.

“I’m sorry, it doesn’t always work, it is not a trick as much as it is a curse”

He did not look disappointed at last.

“Is it another lie”

“No… not at all, it started when I first arrived in Kattegat”

“Has anything you have foreseen happened”

“Some, yes”

“I wouldn’t call it a trick nor a curse then”

“What would you call it?”

“A gift, from the gods”

He went back to work and you started to think about the gods. About the one-eyed Odin and the sweet Freyja who forgave you for you offense. The traps they laid for you, their crookedness and how much you had grown to hate them in the last couple of weeks.

“Gods are not as generous as you think”

“They’re gods, they may not be generous, but they gave us everything we have, and we must thank them for it.”

“They didn’t”

“Careful girl. I let you in and I fed you and now I am making you clothes I could also throw you out naked. In my house we do not insults the gods.”

His threat was made calmly. Something you could see did not happen often.

“I’m sorry, you’re right.”

After a little silence, he started again.

“Besides, if it wasn’t for the gods you would be dead, frozen outside. You said you walked from Kattegat to here half naked and barefoot.”

“Yes, that’s true.” You bit your cheek to not contradict him. You where already on thin ice, there was no reason to make it even more tense.

“But?”

“No, I won’t…”

“I know you want to add something, go ahead, just be careful.”

“But the gods they’re the one who sent me here, I know it so should I thank them for this even if it is their fault?”

“Yes! Do you know why they did it?”

“No, not at all.”

“Then we should find out”

“We?”

“It’s me they sent to help you, there must be a reason”

His excited tone was refreshing. The ambiance had started to grow tense and this involvement made it a little easier to digest.

“I have seen the gods”

“You have? When?”

“I have seen a one-eyed man, in my dreams at first, and then in real life, watching me. I didn’t understand it in the beginning, but it has come sure that it is Odin that I see. I also saw Freyja once, after two wolves attacked me in the forest”

“why did the wolves attacked you?”

“I tried to leave the city with my sister”

“And why is that?”

“I don’t know if I should say.”

“what did you do?”

“I didn’t DO anything… I wanted to go back to my old life”

“Where?”

“England”

This time, he dropped the makeshift boots on the ground and so did he the needle. Moving his hand to his side quickly. Probably a warrior habit, looking to hold an axe that wasn’t there. You shifted away, toward the door, ready to run out in the eventuality he would try to kill you.

“You’re a Christian”

But, were you? Now that you’d seen the other gods, were the proofs of their existence a proof that your old god wasn’t real? You couldn’t just erase a part of your identity that was so important before, one you still tried to hold on into a day before. Your Christianity wasn’t enough to really define you, but it was a part of you still.

“I let a Christian into my home?” For him, your silence was answer enough, he grabbed the axe laying on his table and you knew you had to run away. You didn’t hesitate and opened the door wide, the cold wind hitting you hard in the face.

You ran far and fast, ignoring your feet hurting by the snow. You weren’t sure if he was following you and when you took a breath, holding yourself on a large tree, an axe lodged itself in the wood with a brute force you. You knew there was no way you could outrun him in these conditions, and even if you did, you would die soon after. As the sun still shined in the sky in this morning, you had to fight him.

You grabbed the axe and pulled. It was so deep in there you needed to apply all the weight your body had to offer in order to dislodge it. When it was finally free, Floki was already behind you. You faced him, ready to strike if he approached. Your breath hard to control still and the weapon was heavy, but you managed to hold it high.

“Floki I am not a danger to you”

“Your false god is. I killed many christens before, I am not afraid to do it again”

“Let me take the shoes and leave, I will never come to you again.”

Behind him was the Odin figure, studying the scene. He gave you a smile and then transformed into Floki. Your eyes went from one to the others, confused. The other floki was mimicking the real one’s angry expression.

“You are a liar, trying to take everything from us, and I hate you for it”

As he leaped forward to attack you, he was pushed away into the snow, crashing down harshly. The other Floki made a snow ball with his hand and threw it in his face. Floki, confused tried to get up but then started to gag. With a smile, the false figure disappeared, and you realised who it might be.

Floki kept on gagging, he was looking for air but couldn’t find it. Still holding the axe, you stayed away, unsure if you needed to help him or not. It would be the perfect time to run away and grab the shoes, but you were stuck here, watching him.

Something came out of its mouth, slithering away quickly, a black snake, long as floki was tall. He was completely shocked, only looking at the snake going away now, as if he hadn’t been trying to kill you minutes prior.

“What did I tell you Floki, stranger things are to come where I go.”

Turning slowly to you, his pupils dilated, eyes black like a night’s sky. Floki made a sound just like a laughter and then went quickly to you, grabbing you by the shoulders with a joy in his face. You gripped the axe tight but he did not try to take it back.

“Come, I want to know more about your stories”

Like that, he led you back to his house, calmly, ready to understand what his role was toward you.


	14. Angrboda

[Day 159 – Winter]

Floki finished the shoes but he never gave them to you. Instead, he took him upon himself to teach you everything he knew about the gods. He would talk from early in the morning to well into the night and you would listen. Silently, for the first couple of days, and then you started to let yourself ask away what you wanted. You tried stay non-confrontational, but it wasn’t always easy. Floki would get easily offended whenever you would dare question the stories he swore by.

“Why would gods choose simple men to fight for them once Ragnarock arise? Why wouldn’t they do it themselves if they are so powerful?”

“Because they need an army still. Besides, they are not simple men, they chose brave men, ones who would fight and gladly give their life on the battlefield as they once did”

“And you? Would you go to Valhalla to fight?”

“Oh… I hope so! Maybe before if I had died when I fought besides Ragnar and his sons, but now… I am but a boat builder”

“a boat builder who knows everything about the gods”

You got up and took Floki’s empty soup bowl and yours to put away. After a couple of days, you’d grown tired of the state of Floki’s little house and had started to clean a little. It was now an unwritten rule that you would keep the place nice and he would feed you and keep you warm.

But the real exchange that mattered was the knowledge being passed around, most times, it felt more important to him than to you, but it was alright. Floki’s tales where keeping you out of thinking of what was going on back in Kattegat, what Ivar was thinking, how Margery was hanging on.

As you sat back down next to the fire, it was silent. It had been a long time since Floki hadn’t shut up about the god. Even if you welcomed a little pause, it made you wonder what he was thinking about.

“How long as it been since you saw them?”

“Who?”

“The sons of Ragnar”

“A couple of years I think…”

“Did you know them well”

“Well? I practically raised those boys, loved them as if they were my own. Especially the younger one, his mother asked me to make him a man, I think I did well, I hope.”

“Ivar?”

“Yes. Your king.”

At the mention of him you felt sad. You missed him, the idea of him, the idea of his love for you, of a future in which you held each other into the night. You missed the way he always beat you at his stupid game, the way he would almost be afraid of touching you, the way your eyes would meet for a second.

“So, you miss them?”

“What a stupid question Angorboda, of course I miss them.”

In the weeks following your first encounter with Floki, not once did he make this mistake. That name on his lips didn’t fazed him like it did for you but somehow, a sadness formed on his face, one that wasn’t there a second ago, one that could only be seen behind the light moving by the fire.

“Who is Angorboda, Floki?”

“I told you many times, she is the giantess, the wife of Loki and mother of his magical children”

“No, not that one, the other one.”

“There is no other one.”

You let him time to talk again, but he didn’t. You remembered him saying he knew someone else by that name once. But tonight, that name brought pain to him.

“I’m going to bed now, Tomorrow I’ll teach you something new”

“Goodnight Floki.”

In the flames you tried to look for an answer but in this empty cabin in the middle of nowhere, the gods did not grand you any visions, any idea of future or past. Only protection from the man who habited it and a deadly silence that you knew meant that the storm would both be horrible and impressive.

\--

“It’s cold Floki” he had dragged you outside, almost throwing the boots at you in excitement. He wouldn’t tell you what he wanted to teach you, but he was surely happy about it. You weren’t so excited. The Kattagat’s winter was cruel and incredibly cold, and even if spring was showing sign of arrival, your breath was still leaving cloud in the air.

“Stop complaining, I gave you my warmest coat”

Floki was moving some logs around to clear a path and he then laid down his axe and threw his arms in the air.

“TADA!”

Confused you looked around and then back at him, unsure of the surprise.

“What?”

“Today, you are learning to fight!”

“What? Why?”

“Because you’re going to go back to Kattegat soon and you need to be safe there”

“I was fairly safe before, Floki, I thank you for your concern, but I’m not sure I need to learn to fight.”

“But now you’re going to use your gift to help the people and that can be dangerous, people can get angry at you for what you will tell them.”

“Alright” you walked toward the axe to pick it up but Floki got it first.

“Not so fast! First, you need to learn how to hold it.”

“That’s what I was getting at.”

He gave you his axe. It was a small thing, way heavier than it looked. Your arm fell as you took it.

“It’s heavy.”

“You need to get strong! That’s why”

“I guess yes.”

Floki would brush out all of your complains easily. He was firm but showed a patience that was rare for him. He was soft in his blow and it was fine for the first couple of training but as you gained skilled, you got more and more eager to fight for real. Encouraging him to go harder, to stop being afraid of hurting you. Sometimes he wouldn’t be.

“Look, there’s a flower in the tree! Spring is here”

You turned to look but he pushed you back and you fell on your butt. “That’s not fair Floki! I wasn’t ready”

“No one’s ready for anything in the real world!” you rolled your eyes and he helped you up.

“I’m not good at this!”

“No! you are!”

“No, clearly, I’m not! And I already told you, I don’t see very well, My eyes don’t work well enough to see when you’re going to hit me”

“That’s why you have to see with your head, not your eyes.”

“That doesn’t make any sense”

He put an arm around your neck and led you back inside.

“You may not be the best fighter, but I just want you to be ready in case you get in trouble once you’re back”

“I don’t know if I’ll go back”

“Of course, you will! You have to.”

“Amongst the people… It’s so overwhelming. And when I left, I abandoned people and I’m scared of what I’ll find when I see them again.”

“That’s why you’re here right now, so that you can understand what the gods want from you”

“But do I understand? I don’t think I do Floki, I really don’t.”

He closed the door behind him, and you fell on the fur.

“You understand the gods”

“Yes, but what about me? What am I to them? I didn’t learn to control what I see; I haven’t even seen anything here.”

“You are their voices! They make you see things and it is your power to tell the people what you’ve seen”

You thought about what Freya told you after the wolves attacked you. About you being none.

“What if I’m just a vessel for their voices? What if they only want my body and that is it?”

Floki, stirring up the bowling pot, stopped for a second. He looked a bit sad but then continued.

“Then it is it.”

You sighed and started to rub your pained leg.

“My body hurts”

“Eat, it’ll pass”

You stopped massaging your leg to take the bowl he gave you. Again, it was that horrible tasting soup, but you couldn’t complain, he was feeding you his own ration at the end of the day. You didn’t want to go further into the conversation, deciding instead you needed a distraction from the gods.

“You always tell me about what you know about the gods but never about you”

“Because there is not much to tell”

“But you fought with Ragnar and his sons, there must be amazing stories about that”

“There are but it’s not about me, it’s about them”

“Ok, well… what about other stories?”

“What other stories?”

“Were you always alone here, you must need help to build the boats”

“Sometimes I bought some slaves for it, but I prefer to build alone.”

“You’ve always been alone? Must be hard.”

“Not always”

A hint of a smile was drawn on his face which quickly faded.

“Did you have a lover Floki?” you asked with a smile, teasing him about his own, thinking it was about a fling long gone.

“This not the time to talk about that” He looked angry now, his finger digging into his palm and his brows clouding the light in his eyes.

“Why?”

“(Y/N), I said no.”

He took a pause and you laid back, abandoning quickly the questioning, going back to massaging your tender muscles.

“Angrboda was my daughter” he wasn’t touching his food, looking longingly into the fire. “She was, along with my sweet Helga, the best things that happened to me.”

You didn’t know what to say, scared that your words would make it worse. He had decided to confide in you and your responsibility was to listen now, only that.

“When they died, I died too.”

You put your bowl away and walked to his chair. You kneeled next to him and hugged him without a word. He didn’t move at first but then, he wrapped his arms around your waist and held you firmly.

You weren’t his daughter, you weren’t his wife, but you were someone willing to be comforting, just for an instant, just because he needed it.

\--

Once spring was at the door, it was time to go back to the town. You knew how to fight well enough according to Floki and you suspected that he was eager to be alone again. You weren’t so eager yourself.

“I need you to come with me.”

“Kattegat is east. It’s an easy trail, you don’t need me to find the way”

That wasn’t what you were afraid of. What scared you was the fact that you would be alone again, forced to face people who you let down. That fear would probably enough to make you take a different trail, one leading you away once and forever.

“What about animals, and…”

“That’s not what you fear is it?”

Your silence was answer enough. You’d made the decision to leave the next day but now that you were about to sleep. You couldn’t think about anything else but the pit in your stomach.

“Please Floki, come back with me.” A little tear fell slowly on your cheek and Floki took a long pause before getting closer and putting a hand on your shoulder. 

It was a long moment and neither you nor Floki talked. You weren’t sure if it was okay but after a while, you felt like more and more tired and you eventually fell asleep.

During your dream, for the first time since you arrived here, you saw Odin. He was far away but that was him, you were sure.

“It’s been a long time”

Without any answer you started to walk in his direction, but every step made him further away.

“Now that Floki has made me learn things about you, I’m finally going back to town”

The white floor became softer and grass started to grow.

“Will we meet there?”

The grass got so tall; it was hard to see the god’s figure.

“Why me?”

Everything stopped growing and you saw the top of its head approaching until his body could be seen just in front of you. “You were here at the right time and the Vikings need a seer.”

“oh… is it over for me?”

“Not for a couple of years”

The figure transformed and it was now yourself you were looking at.

“You’re Loki, right?”

With a smile and a nod, the mirror answered and then disappeared. You got left in this dream of tall grass and white sky until you woke up yourself.

\--

“Time to go!”

Floki was dressed himself and you couldn’t contain your joy, he had decided, against all odds to come after all. You jumped to hug him, kissing his cheek in the process, and got dressed yourself.

“Thank you Floki!”

“Now get dressed quickly, don’t make me regret following you”

The walk was long and hard. As the sun grew in the sky, so did the heat. It wasn’t unbearable but it was one of the hottest days of the year and you almost regretted picking today to go back. Sweat covering the inside of your fur.

When it was almost night, you saw from far away lights coming from the village and you stopped abruptly.

“I’m sure it’s going to be okay”

“Floki you don’t know…”

“Yes, I do. Now get your chin up and become the seer you need to become for the town”

He walked away without you and you got obligated to follow him. You grabbed with more strength the small axe that Floki had given you and walked in the village. The tent of Ivar was still lit and you could hear a party going on.

“Go first.”

“Do you want me to introduce you”

In the month you stayed inside you’d kept to yourself your previous relation with the king, only briefly mentioning people you might had left back in the town.

“Well… He knows me, maybe a little more than you think”

“Will he remember you?”

“Believe me, he will”

Floki got inside and you could hear people cheering. You tried to manage your breath before entering yourself. The tent got silent until Ivar locked eyes on you, his gaze confused and stand petrified.

“Hello Ivar.”


	15. Back

[Day 183 – Spring]

“Everybody out”

The Vikings were looking at you side eyed as they walked out. Nobody liked you here, you were just a Christian temptress for them, causing more misery than good. When it was just you, Floki and Ivar you could feel the tension in the air.

“Where were you?” you could tell that he was trying very hard not to explode.

“At Floki’s.”

He rubbed his face with a hand, to get rid of some of the frustration. Meanwhile, Floki was trying to understand the situation but failing miserably.

“I tried to look for you…”

“Well… I’m here now.”

“You know her well?”

“Well?” he chuckled and hit the armrest of his chair, making you jump.

“Somewhat” you answered for him.

“Why are you back?”

“Because I have a role here and I need to play it.”

“What are you even talking about?”

“I’m the new seer”

You looked at Floki for support, but this one looked more concentrated on the king.

“We don’t need a new seer.”

“Of course, you do” Floki stepped up. “The gods talk to her; she is chosen, and you must respect that.”

“Oh, I must” he rolled his eyes and took his crutches to get up. As he was leaving you stepped closer.

“Stop acting like a baby Ivar! You don’t have to forgive me for leaving but I’m special and important and **that** you need to respect.”

“Now you want to say you’re special?”

“Am I not?”

You could see that face full of anger that you saw the day you met him. But today, he had miraculously gotten the self control to turn around and leave but not before spitting at you: “I don’t care where you end up, I want you gone tomorrow morning”

There was a long silence in the hall; for longer than you’d want it. You could feel your blood physically boiling in your veins and your finger drawing blood in your palm.

“So, I guess you did knew him”

“Yes… Somewhat.”

“Let me talk to him.”

“Why does it even matter, Ivar doesn’t listen to anyone… I’ll be gone before morning.”

“Shut it. You don’t need to leave. I told you I’m not giving up on my role on you, this goes as far as this.” He took you by the shoulders so you could face him. “I’ll go talk to him; you stay here.”

You sighed, not up to giving an answer. You weren’t expecting a warm welcome but never this.

“Promise?”

“Fine.”

He caressed your cheek before going back to the king’s room, leaving you alone in the empty hall. Alone with your doubts of it all.

It wasn’t long before a figure appeared at the door. You squinted, trying to understand who it was but it wasn’t until he spoke that you understood who it was.

“Wouldn’t be your first fight wouldn’t it?”

“Ubbe?”

“Saw everyone getting out and thought Ivar had gotten into a fight or… stopped one.”

“More or less of the same”

He walked over and took a seat across from you, studying your fur and axe.

“When did you get back?”

“Just now.”

Ubbe laid a hand for you to shake. “Welcome back”

You did with a sad laugh.

“Where were you?”

“I got lost in the forest and I found a man. I’ve been told you know him; his name is Floki”

Ubbe raised his eyebrows and gave you a smile. “Of course, I know him”

There was a little silent and you debated if you should tell him everything, in every detail. He looked like he could handle most of it but maybe the stories weren’t necessaries, only the ending.

“I’m the new seer”

“Floki told you that?”

“No” Ubbe wasn’t convince, he was the same way he looked the night Ivar presented you to his brothers like an animal. “He made me see that I was.” You grabbed the axe’s handle firmly, feeling power from your stance. “You don’t believe me? I do and so does Floki and soon so will everyone. I don’t care what the king says, Floki is right, I’m not going anywhere.”

There was a calmness that could be trusted behind his eyes, one that made you believe he would change his mind soon enough and would be on your side.

“Do you want to know something Ubbe, about yourself?”

“Will you tell me a lie?”

“I’ll tell you what the gods tell me to say”

There was a long pause which Ubbe thought long and hard about his question. In the meantime, you started to get scared that nothing would be transmitted to you, that after all these months, you were right in the fear that it was all a farce.

“If I explore on my own, will I find something big like my father?”

With a smile you realized that your fears were wrong. You started to ear whispers and with your head turned back you also saw behind your eyelids. It was all black and warm inside your mouth and hard to talk, but once you let it flow out, without fighting, you managed to answer.

“You will find bigger, richer places, some that’ll make you wonder if you should leave them at all”

He smiled, visibly content with your answer.

“I hope you’re right”

“I’m not. The gods are.”

“Now” he got back up. “Where’s Floki? Haven’t seen that bastard in years!”

“He’s with Ivar back in his room, I think. He’s trying to convince him of my place here back”

“I should wait then, wouldn’t be a big help in that area”

“Not like Ivar listens to anyone anyway”

“Is that something the gods told you?”

“No… That’s me.”

He chuckled and left the hall, making the wise decision to see Floki after the storm has pass.

“Hey Ubbe?” he stopped in the doorway.

“Yes?”

“Have you seen my sister anywhere?”

He sighed and walked slowly back toward you.

“Maybe you should ask Ivar about that… once he’s calmed down.”

“What’s that suppose to mean?”

You got to eye level to him. He refused to look you directly in the eyes and it only made you grip the axe tighter.

“Ubbe, Where is my sister?” you made sure that each one of your words were heard.

“Alive… I think”

“That’s not an answer.”

“That’s the one I can give you.”

The rage building up in you got to a boiling point and if it wasn’t for Floki making his way back to you, Ubbe would have seen every shade of red.

“You can stay… kind of.”

“Floki!” Ubbe gave him a warm hug. You were watching the scene with fire in your eyes.

“Is he in his bed?”

“Yes”

You started to make your way with heavy feet, ignoring the calls of Floki and Ubbe behind you. The wooden floor cracking under your weight, powered by the anger in you.

The door opened in a gush of wind and Ivar looked confusedly at you. He was laying in his bed, taking off his braces.

“Where. Is. She?”

“What are you talking about? Get out of my room”

“Not until I know where my sister is.”

His face calmed down and with a sigh he pointed the chair by the side of his bed. You reluctantly sat down.

“I don’t know where she is. Maybe she got back to England.”

“What do you mean? It’s impossible, she wouldn’t do it alone”

“And she wasn’t.”

Your breath got heavier and you looked around, trying to find a clue you missed. Something that happened before you left but all that you could find were those weeks looking at the door of you shed, terrified, and your sister trying everything she could to make you better.

“You need to tell me… I… I need to know…”

“All I know is that after I tried to find you, I asked her, and she disappeared. Her and another one of the slaves. They stole a boat and they left, and no one has found them since.”

“Did you look?”

He didn’t answer and you just threw the axe on the bed in a fit of rage, destroying the mattress of straw as you screamed at the top of your lounges. Going again and again until Ivar finally stopped you, throwing the axe to the other side of the room.

The worst part was that you couldn’t be angry at him, it was you who left, and it was you who now needed to stay.

Watching the axe on the ground you collected your breath.

“I’ll be back as soon as Bjorn arrives to talk about my role here.”

Calmly you walked out. It wasn’t until you found yourself outside, away from Floki, Ubbe and everyone who could lay eyes on you that you cried. Cried until no sound came out.

In the mud and the dark, in the hurt and the loneliness.


	16. Margery

[Day 108 – Winter]

[ _Margery POV_ ]

Margery was scared for her sister but in the morning, as she watched the sun rise to the east, she got scared for herself too. She hated the town, hated the Vikings and their gods but she wanted to live so much, to feel the sun on her skin, the wind in her hair, warmth of love and the coldness of anger. Even if (Y/N) was gone, she had to find a way to feel those things and if she was to never come back, she had to find a way to find those things alone.

She had no one to take care of her but that wasn’t that big of a change, given that she had been the caregiver for long enough now. The town might’ve broken her sister, but she wouldn’t let it break her. She did as usual in the day, taking care of the house. Drawing baths, washing the clothes, boiling water for supper. Keeping her head down every time she would cross path with a Viking. She did for three days, thinking maybe that her sister would be back by then.

But when, on the third day, she came back after work and she saw that the door was open, it wasn’t who she thought. Hope had time to fill her blood before it was ripped out by her throat. Sitting on the bed was Ivar and one of his guard.

“Where is she?”

But she didn’t know, it was the truth. She hated him, more than anyone here. But he terrified her, every time he spoke, she could see the limp body of her mother, the fight her brother gave for her to run away, too late.

Ivar gave a sign to the guard who grabbed Margery by the arm and dragged her into the hall. She didn’t resist, there was no reason to. A flashback of the day they forced her into the church occupied her mind for a second. She watched closely as he limped to his wooden throne, the sound of his cane resonating on the floor.

“How long has she gone?”

“Three days.”

Why lie? He liked her sister; he wouldn’t hurt her if she was to be found. 

“Where is she?”

“I don’t know.”

To her surprise, she felt a warm tear roll on her cheek.

“Margery, I’m going to ask you nicely but only once: What happened to (Y/N)?”

“She walked away into the forest three nights ago. She hasn’t come back since.”

She watched as he pointed to her, unsure of what was to happen. She fell after feeling a sharp pain on the back of her head took her. As she turned around, she saw the guard’s hand still raised.

“Lie!”

“I promise you! She was troubled, she tried to… She prayed and then she ran off into the forest.”

“If it’s the truth, why haven’t you followed her?”

“I… I wanted to but… She had been so troubled for so long and now she looked alive. I didn’t know what to do. It was the middle of the night! What was I supposed to do?”

“Tell me! That’s what you were supposed to do! I would’ve found her”

He wasn’t looking for an answer back and he started to speak to his guard. Some walked out, following his orders while others remained. Margery kept her eyes to the floor, feeling her blood boiling by the seconds. If she wasn’t scared of him, she would have already killed him, who cared if she would die after, if this pageant was rotting in the hell waiting for him.

“Go back to work now, we’ll find her.”

She got up and dusted the dirt off her skirt. Still looking at the ground, she turned around and felt ashamed of it all. Maybe he was right, maybe she should have told him, tried more. Maybe, because she didn’t do anything, her sister was now dead.

But maybe she was free. Free as she should be, and it was better that way.

“I hope for your sake we find her.”

Those few words, this threat. It was too much, she wouldn’t let him do that to her. He might’ve killed her sister, she might be rotting because of him, but she wouldn’t let him do that to her without a fight.

“She doesn’t want you to find her.”

“what?”

She faced him again, raising her eyes to his level.

“She hates you. All she ever spoke before she left was how she would give anything to see you dead.” She spit out the last word, wanting him to hear it, to feel it.

“It’s a lie” he said between pinched lips. He didn’t believe it, but neither did he believe it was false.

“Does it matter if it is? She’s gone, she left us.”

Us. Because now, Margery knew he was hurt too. It was the only comfort in her sister’s disappearance, to know he was hurt because of it.

“My king” she bowed and turned her heels. Her breath becoming shakier as she wondered if they would arrest her. A hint of hope appeared in her heart as her hand was almost on the door. It was quickly stopped when Ivar told something to his guard who took her by the shoulder and dragged her closer to him.

Ivar got a knife and put it on her neck, it took every once of courage in her not to cry and every once of restrain to not spit in his face.

“If we…”

“If you kill me, she will never, **ever** , forgive you.” Even in death, even in suffering, Margery’s murder would not be in vain.

Ivar clenched his jaw and tightened the grip on his knife before motioning to his guard to take her away. She was walked to her cabin where they chained her to the bed.

\--

For a week they made her stay there. Her only interaction was with the slave bringing her food. They made sure, to torture her even more, that none could speak her language. Even if she had gotten better in understanding the Norse tongue, it was too rough to speak freely. So, she couldn’t form any relations with any of them. For the first couple of days she managed to stay sane but every day after that first week, the boredom and loneliness of her cabin was becoming too much.

She was just a kid.

Just a kid who lost everything. She would talk to herself, try to imagine it was her sister answering, or her mother or anyone at all. One night, as they changed the guard, she managed to look in between the cracks in the wood to the outside. The Viking was a younger man, the age of her sister maybe.

“Did they find her?”

When he didn’t answer, she knocked on the door. He knew she was talking to him, but he couldn’t understand her, nor did he believed he should answer.

“Please, just… anything at all.”

She could only see part of his side profile, nothing more. He had curly brown hair, just like her brother had. Longer maybe, or maybe not, she wasn’t even sure if she remembered him correctly. The guard moved out of the way with a nod and a loud knock on the door made her jump.

As she moved to answer it, the shackles on the floor dragging behind her.

It was Ivar and he made his way to the bed, sitting on it. He had been here before, she’d seen him coming in to see her sister, but it felt wrong, how comfortable he looked here. Margery took a seat on the stool in the corner. By his grave expression, she worried about the worse.

“Is she…”

“We haven’t found her”

A breath escaped her lips. She wasn’t sure how she really felt about it but at least, there was still a chance.

“Are you going to keep me here?”

“No. I’ll make them unshackle you once I’m out, then you’re free to leave.”

Free? His expression was sad, defeated. A man whose pain was worse than hers and yet, she once desired to see him in such pain. She still did, but she just wished her sister wasn’t the one causing it, not like this, not now.

“Free? What do you mean… Am I still a…”

“No, you’re not a slave. Stay, leave, I don’t care where you go.”

She swallowed the ball stuck in her throat. It was like she had forgotten how to breathe. She was happy but also completely dead inside. Like a dream inside of a nightmare.

“Did she really said she hated me?”

Margery thought about it, because she didn’t know, she didn’t really know how (Y/N) felt about him. Finally, in a whisper she let it out: “No”

“Did she say anything about me”

Margery shook her head from left to right, slowly. The answer too cruel to escape her lips. Indifference. Maybe her sister liked him, maybe even she loved him, but she couldn’t talk for her and for those last week all the tales were silent.

He nodded and left. After he went, like he said, they let her free. In the cold weather, she walked barefoot on the ground. Happy to finally feel the sun on her cheeks and mud between her toes. Not long after, she took her warmest coat and her boots, and she found the man she wanted to.

“Hey.”

“What are you doing here? I thought the king had locked you away”

“I am a free woman now.”

“You’re a free child.”

She chuckled at his remark.

“Have you ever thought about going back to England?”

“I’m a slave, I can’t leave. Besides, I have nowhere to go.”

“I would. Leave I mean.”

He stayed focus on his work.

“Would you help a child if she asked you, a free child.”

Dimittri raised his eyes from his working table. He looked around, hesitantly.

“You want me to help you leave?”

“Yes.”

Just like that, without even answering her, they left. Took one of the small boats, a few provisions and they drifted into the sea. No one tried to stop them, Ivar even looked at her as she left, and it wasn’t until they were an hour out that she started to cry. Looking at the land she dreaded so much and the one she had to leave behind.


	17. ale and more

[Day 184– Spring]

You were pacing back and forth in your little cabin. You’d refused Ubbe’s invitation to have supper with him and his brothers, preferring the day to grieve the loss of your sister and to prepare yourself for your talk with all the ragnarsons. You weren’t even sure what needed to be said. Floki would be there to back your claim but what if they didn’t believe you? What if they thought you were just trying to make a place for yourself and that’s all? What if you couldn’t prove your worth to them?

The sun was completely gone now, and the usual cold of the town was cut open by a warm breeze of the summer to come. It was fine enough to take a walk without a coat and so you went. You might have left for only a season, but it looked different. The houses were glistening under the rain from last night, the leaves, green as can be, had already covered most of the trees. The forest was pretty much uniformly green, it felt weird. Had it ever been this vibrant? From what you could remember, Kattegat was grey, all of it. The people, the trees, the ground. Now there were more colors, more life.

It wasn’t better.

It was different. It felt like a new place, maybe because you were a new person. Floki had succeeded in making you aware of your worth in this town, now, by looking around, you could see it.

You sat down on the dock, looking at the blue water and the boats floating peacefully in it. Your sister had gone that way, you’d close your eyes, trying to imagine her happy, peaceful. You couldn’t even remember what the last thing you said to her, you knew it wasn’t enough, she deserved to know that you loved her, but she never got the chance to ear it. Maybe one day you would see her again and you’d empty your heart to her, like she should.

“Can I sit next to you?”

The thick accent made you turn around. It was Ivar’s brother, Hvitserk. You nodded at him and he did, he didn’t talk for a moment, leaving you two to hear the calmness of the water.

“I can speak your language now.” You finally said in the Nordic tongue.

“Floki teach you?”

“No… the gods did.”

He believed in the gods but not in this, not in magic and weirdness. Not in the aura that emanated out of you. You could see that without anyone, not Odin, not Freyja, not Loki having to tell you.

“When will Bjorn arrive?”

“We send words this morning, we expect him in one or two days”

That meant that tomorrow, or the day after that, you would have to face them all. The knot in your stomach got tighter thinking about it. Belief and proof do not come hand in hand, neither did they in your head. Farther away, two children were playing near the water, splashing each other, their laughter resonating loudly in the working town.

“Ivar is angry.” He said, his voice full of worry.

“Ivar is always angry.”

“Maybe but…”

“You’re worried for me or about me?”

“Can it be a little bit of both?”

“I suppose.”

You gave him a smile and he did one back.

“I’m not here to corrupt anyone you know. I don’t want power, I don’t want war, I don’t even want peace, I don’t want anything.”

“Then why are even here?”

“Because…” you took a pause. You knew why you were here, the answer was simple, but it wasn’t what **you** wanted. The thought saddened you. “I’m here to play my role, I’m your new seer.”

He waited a little and you thought he would fight you on it, debunk your claim.

“You’re prettier than our last one.”

He put a hand on your arm and then left you there, a smile slowly drawing on your lips. From far away you watched as the sun calmly went down, leaving the sky blooming with pink and orange light.

\--

It was already night when you decided to leave the waterside. The cold had come back in and you were now shivering, having to hold your arms around your body as you walked to your cabin. But you stopped as you stepped in front of the main hall. A fire was still burning inside and yet, there were no sounds. You hesitated for a little while, your instinct telling you to walk on, but something deeper made you enter.

You didn’t saw anyone at first, he blended in the background so well, sitting on his throne. You could hear your heart beating in your chest and feel the blood pump in your veins. He was drinking from a curved horn, looking at his sword, playing with it. It felt like an eternity before one of you broke the silence.

“What are you doing here?”

“I don’t know”

“Then leave, I don’t want you here.”

You considered listening to him but again, that feeling, that something lodged deep inside you, locked you in place, urging you to stay.

“Did Floki talked about me at dinner”

He threw the horn away and you watched as it rolled away, the rest of the ale spilling on the floor.

“Is that a yes?”

He rolled his eyes and you could now clearly see that it wasn’t his first cup of the night. You looked around and located an almost full pitcher. Taking it with both hand you took large gulps off it. The liquid was burning your throat, but you still downed as much of it as you could. When you finally put it down to take a breath, Ivar was looking at you with visible confusion.

“Hvitserk told me you were angry. He didn’t have to, I’d already seen it yesterday and besides, when are you not? But still, he paid me a little visit and I couldn’t help but feel like I need to make it better… before Bjorn arrives. You know?”

Again, he did not answer and so you went to take more ale. You had almost downed the whole thing now and you could feel your head turning. Wiping the droplets that escaped your lips you studied his face. You knew him, you knew that if he really, really wanted you gone, you would already be out of the town. He wouldn’t have listened to Floki or anyone.

“I missed you when I was away.”

You looked at the floor in shame. You weren’t sure if you really wanted to know how he felt in return. If your sister was able to leave when you were gone, what was a man like him able to feel. But the desire to be sure of it was too strong.

“Did you miss me?” your breath was shaky and when you raised your head you were met with his ocean gaze.

“I thought you were dead.”

“I’m sorry about that.” It was necessary, but that, you didn’t need to say that. “I shouldn’t have left without a word, I know that. But it…”

“Why did you?”

“What?”

“Why did you leave?”

“The gods…”

“No. I don’t want to know what the gods are thinking. I want to know you, why did **you** leave?”

You left before walking into that forest. You left when you barricaded yourself in your room, when you refused help, when you stopped talking, stopped looking at those who loved you.

“I got scared.”

“Scared of what?”

He was angry, unwilling to empathise. Your blood started to boil, and angry tears silently dropped down, your face becoming red and your frustration was pushing the lump in your throat almost to your lips.

“I gave you your freedom. I played with you, talked to you, I wanted you and then you left.” He resumed, raising his tone.

“Ivar…” you wanted to stop him, warn him that it was becoming too much now but didn’t know how. Maybe you were already drunk, a part of you wanted to explode In this room right now.

“Get out of my hall before I send you away”

“You told me you would help me forget that I was scared of you and then you went and killed a man before my eyes.”

“This is about the sacrifice?” He laughed, dropping his sword with a clumsy hand.

“That and everything else, you killed my entire family. You murdered everyone I knew! You think I could just forget like that, with a snap of your finger. And now, now you made the only one I had left run away.”

He shook his head, clenching his jaw and looking at you with a dark gaze. You approached him, your nails digging into your palm in a last effort to stop the anger overflowing you.

“You are a hateful man Ivar.”

You were close enough to punch him, to hurt him but your eyes were trapped in his. Until they went to his lips, his hands, his chest. The tension was palpable, and you could see him eyeing you too. Your breath sinking for a moment.

“But you still missed me”

It was enough to send you over the edge and you grabbed his face and connected your lips with his, his mouth opening just enough for your tongue to intertwined. Kissing with a passion that let breath rare and intense in between. His hands grabbed your waist, pulling you forward on to his lap. There was just enough space on the throne for both of your legs on either side of his.

You trusted your hips forward, pushing yourself onto his crotch, feeling his finger digging into the curve of your ass, urging you to continue. You ran yours in his hair, taking a hold of it and pulling him away from your face. You looked at each other, the heavy breathing was the only things that you could hear at this moment and you stayed at it, admiring the intensity of it all for a moment. One moment stuck in time, passion guiding your next move. You let go of him to kiss his neck, grabbing his skin in between your teeth just hard enough to hear him silently moan.

You felt his hand pulling your dress up your legs to touch your skin directly. Slowly riding up your thigh until he could catch a hold of your ass again, this time you could feel all the roughness of his skin on yours.

You went and undid the lace of his pants and put your hand inside, breathing out as you touched his hard cock in between your fingers. You stroked it a few times slowly before attacking his face again, kissing him with a breathless passion. He guided himself into you and you lowered yourself on him inch by inch, adjusting slowly to his girth.

You moaned into his ear and started to ride him with more speed, one of his hand was massaging your clit just right while the other one was at your hips. He kissed the part of your chest busting off your dress, unwilling to stop long enough it would take you to completely take it off. His breath was becoming jerkier, so was yours.

“fas…” you didn’t have the time to finish your command that he started to rub you at the exact rhythm that you needed to send you into your orgasm. And right as you climaxed and called out his name, he bit your neck and you threw your head backward. It wasn’t long before he came too, grabbing you so hard you knew there were going to be bruises on your hips and ass the next morning.

You both collected your breath, slowly getting back to your senses. After a minute you pulled back from him, staying on his lap. You looked into his eyes and you knew you both had the same idea of the next step.

“I still think we need to make it better between us a little more… before Bjorn arrives?”

“Do you mind if we do it in my bed?”

You smiled and kissed him before running into his chamber, him following you as fast as he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ouffff, ok. I have so muuuuuuuch trouble with writting smut. It is 120% the worst thing I do, so publishing this chapter is like putting salt in a cut. I'm just gonna close my eyes and pray those who read it don't cringe too much.


	18. Lazy day

[Day 185 – Spring]  
  


The next day, you woke up first. Turning to the man laying next to you, it took a minute to remember and process that it really happened, that it wasn’t a dream. Your head hurt but the sheer glee you felt about being next to him for the first time, finally, was enough to make you forget it. He had never looked this calm ever since you met him, his breathing barely noticeable in the already silent room. You wanted to touch his neck, to kiss him, but also didn’t want to wake him just yet. You observed the drawing on Ivar’s chest, trying to figure out what they represented for him.

As you looked at them, you remembered how last night you kissed them all till you reached his cock. How he pushed your head down until you chocked for him. How he reciprocated by eating you out until you came again and again. How he…

He sighed and moved, pulling you out of your daydream. With a sleepy voice he asked: “Did you sleep well?” his eyes barely open as he turned to his side, facing you.

“Yes, even if I didn’t sleep much. Did you?”

He nodded and smiled. Even if you already spent the night kissing him, this smile was just asking for more. You reached for him and planted a sweet kiss on his lips. Just as he started to kiss you in return you moved back, watching as he slowly opened his eyes, visibly frustrated but still smiling.

“I think I have to talk to Floki today.”

“Why?”

“Because I need his help, for… all of this.”

“We don’t need him to convince my brothers of your place here…”

“Maybe not, but then, after your brothers, it’s the whole town.”

“I’ll convince the town”

“I know you would be able to, but I don’t want it to happen your way.”

“What’s that suppose mean?”

You got on top of him, your naked body feeling at the right place touching his. You kissed his mouth, then his neck, your tongue barely touching that soft skin of his. His hand making their way to your hips, gripping your tender skin, the bruises palpable under his touch.

“You like to be in charge”

His eyes almost predatory, making you wet without having to do any more. but still doing it by barely moving his lower half closer to you, his hardening cock pushing on your entrance.

“You like it a little too much”

He pulled your face closer to his, not kissing you but slowly getting his mouth closer to yours.

“I don’t want you to force them to accept me as the seer.”

His look softened up a bit and he loosened his grip on you, at the great misery of your sexual need but it was the right answer.

“I want them to accept me because they do, not because they are afraid of you.”

“My people are not afraid of me.”

You rolled off him and looked at the ceiling. Ivar turned to his side, his hand caressing the skin of your chest.

“Promise me you will let me do it at my pace and that you won’t get angry about their answers. I might know I’m right, but it doesn’t mean that they will”

“ok.” He sighed. “I promise you.”

It was silent for a little bit and then he kissed your neck and you started laughing.

“Why are you laughing?”

“Does that mean I made it better now?”

“I’m not as angry, I guess”

“Shut up” you laughed and went back on top of him to kiss him, parting his lips with your tongue.

\--

After a quick breakfast you went to take a walk in the town. It was a hot day, the sun shinning, and everyone was out to enjoy it. Now that you could understand them it was fun to listen; it made the little visions easier to digest. You weren’t sure where you would find Floki at this hour but, even if Bjorn was to arrive right now, it wasn’t a guaranty that even he would be able to help.

At one point you saw something move in the bushes, near the entrance of the wood. Wondering what it was you went to investigate. There was nothing in sight, but you weren’t so sure that it wasn’t the wind before. A kid screamed loudly behind you and you jumped and turned. You sighed in relief when you saw him laughing with others. The sound of leaf moving got you to look back.

A serpent with red, black and white stripe creeped out of its hiding place, making ways into the town. Even as the children played, they did not pay any mind to it. You followed it curiously, determinate this time to not get lost. It got you to the deck and then went in the cold water. Your eyes immediately went to the horizon where you saw a large boat slowly making its way to the coast.

“Fuck…” you muttered, thinking it was Bjorn already coming in.

You went directly back to find Floki, there was no time to waste now. As you speed walked through the town, trying to find the man, a raven flew over your head.

You ran into Hvitserk, not looking at where you were going, and he caught you in his arms.

“Where’s Floki?”

“I don’t know, haven’t seen him all morning. Maybe he’s in my dad’s old cabin.”

“And where’s that?”

“A couple of houses to the right. There’s a sword nailed to the door; you can’t miss it.”

“Thank you, I’ll check”

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, I just need to find Floki”

“You look…”

You knew how you looked. You looked panicked and stressed, out of breath and shocked.

“Bjorn has arrived… I think”

“Good!” Hvitserk smiled and made his way to the coast while you went the other way.

The distinct door was, like Hvitserk said, not easily missed. Furthermore, it was halfway opened, meaning someone was probably inside. You finally relaxed when you saw the man you were looking for.

“Floki…”

When he turned, you saw a glimpse of emotions behind his eyes. He whipped his face quickly, erasing the thing there was a second ago.

“Are you okay”

“Yes, of course. What do you want?”

You’d grown used to Floki; you knew there was no one that could make him talk if he didn’t want it.

“I think Bjorn has arrived”

“That’s good news! Where is he?”

He made his way to the door, but you talked and he stopped.

“I’m scared.”

“What are you scared of?”

“Of what will happen now… of not being able to make my way. For this to be all for nothing.”

“Why wouldn’t they believe you?”

“Why would they?”

“(Y/N), I didn’t house you freely for months for you to abandon your destiny.”

“I wont but…”

“But what?”

You shook your head and looked at the ground. Outside you could hear people laughing.

“Tonight, you will sit down next to some of the most important men of our land and you will prove to them that you are even better than them. That you are chosen from everyone by the gods and you deserve protection and acceptance.”

“Ok.”

Floki took you by the shoulders and he walked out with you, staying by your side even if one of the boys he considered like his own was coming back after years of not seeing him. Just that was enough proof that if it wasn’t for anyone else, at least for Floki it was real.

\--

Floki had made sure that everything was arranged for the night and you just stayed the furthest away you could to any of them, even from Ivar. He had sent word for you to meet him before, but you refused, preferring to take a bath instead.

So, he went to you.

You were closed eyes, head thrown back and a foot outside the tub into the hot water when you heard the door open slowly. You were ready to jump out but calmed down when the familiar sound of crutches followed.

“Ivar I’m taking a bath…”

“That’s why I’m here”

He sat down on the stool next to it, eyeing you slowly.

“I need to be alone, I’m too stressed out to be talking to anyone right now”

“Stressed out about what? Bjorn won’t be here for another day at least.”

“What? I don’t understand, I saw his boat this morning@

“It wasn’t his boat it’s his mother’s”

“Oh… I thought your mother was…”

“We do not have the same mother” he said sharply.

“Why has she come?”

“I don’t know yet. I haven’t talked to her.”

“Why?”

“She’s a cunt. I don’t talk to cunts”

“Wh…”

“Ubbe is with her (Y/N). Theres no more questions to answer.”

You rolled your eyes and let yourself slide into the water till your head was submerged, staying in the calm warm abyss for a bit. Hearing the silence. Ivar’s hand pulled you out and your eyes met. Gods he was beautiful.

His hand was behind your neck and if he wanted to, he could pull you closer to kiss him, but he didn’t. You so wanted him to do that so bad, but at the same time, it was too perfect to see him.

“Take off your shirt”

He smirked and did it. His muscles defined well under the candlelight. He took hold onto the edge of the bath and leaned over you inch by inch, his lips following yours, keeping a cruel distance between you. Teasing for more.

When he was the furthest, he could be, you pulled him in the water with both hands. He fell with a splash, visibly unhappy about it. You managed to turn him over quickly, getting over him, your bust outside in the cold while your lower half was submerged with his body.

“Tonight, after we eat, I want you to do that same thing you did yesterday.”

“What thing?”

He kissed your neck and you bit your lips.

“You know, with your tongue.”

“You liked it?” he asked with a knowing smile.

“yes”

“you sounded like it yesterday”

“No one had ever kissed me there”

“Men from England don’t?”

“No that I know of.”

“That’s because they’re weak.”

You kissed him, your tongue meeting for a long embrace. The water flooding on the floor as your movement became hectic and you undid his pants.


	19. Lagertha

[Day 186 Spring]

The next day, you weren’t sure if you should see Lagertha, the woman Ivar talked to you about. He refused categorically to be at dinner Floki planned with the others, but he wouldn’t tell you why. Instead he disappeared in the town and you were left alone to decide.

A knock on the door pulled you out of your thoughts.

“Yes?”

“It’s Floki”

“You can come in”

He entered, a smile on his face.

“Are you coming to dinner with us?”

“should I?”

“Yes. Lagertha is a very important woman, she deserves to know about you.”

“Why is she here?”

“For Bjorn I believe. He must’ve asked her to come.”

“So, you don’t know?”

“No…”

You continued to brush your hair nonchalantly, still unsure of your decision.

“Ivar doesn’t seem to like her very much”

“What did he tell you?”

“He told me she was a cunt.”

“She’s not.”

You knew Ivar and that’s why you thrusted Floki’s opinion. You left by his side, not totally convince but willing to try.

“So, you and Ivar made up”

“How do you know?”

“He looked… Jovial today”

A bit ashamed you looked away from him.

“You like him?”

“Can we not talk about it now?” besides, looking at the face he was making he knew everything that didn’t need to be said.

“Ok, but we will talk about it later”

You sighed and he pushed the door of the hall, making way for you to enter.

Inside, there were the two brothers, Ubbe and Hvitserk, and three people you had never met. Two women and one man.

They stood up as you walked toward them, and you tried your best to smile at them.

“(Y/N)” you said, shaking their hands.

“We know.” She was a beautiful woman, blond hair braided out of her face and blue eyes and pale eyebrows. “I’m Largertha, this is Torvi, she is Ubbe’s wife, as well as one of my close friend, and this is one of my warrior, Ulf”

“It’s a pleasure.”

You sat down and they followed. “Please eat, it’s time” You felt like a kid next to all of them, younger but also innocent. You hadn’t seen war, you hadn’t seen great voyage. They wouldn’t listen to you.

“The king will not join us?” Lagertha asked.

“I wouldn’t count on that.” Floki answered.

A silence grew while all waited for the slaves to put food in the dish, the only sound being of the utensils on the plates.

“Ubbe has told me great things about you (Y/N)”

“He has?” you looked at him, a smile drawn on his face and then back at Lagertha. It warmed your heart to ear it.

“He said you can see things.”

“Yes, it’s… it’s difficult to explain.”

You had rehearsed how you would present your role so often in your head now that it was time to do it your mind was blank.

“Please try! I’d love to know more!” Torvi’s eyes were kind she looked like a flower the golden petals making her shine in candlelight.

“I don’t think it’s that difficult, she’s the new seer, that is all.” Floki ended his sentence with a short laugh. Lagertha’s brows joined together in confusion.

“So, you could answer questions about me? About Torvi? About…”

“About whatever and whoever the gods want me to know. Given what I’ve seen, they want me to know a lot.” You wanted to add a joke, lighten the room but it would not leave your lips.

“Wonderful!” Torvi exclaimed. And you were so tense just her voice was enough to make you jump.

You could feel something in the room, a future that hadn’t come yet, one that would end badly. One that no one predicted and all you were given was red and blue. Blood and water under a cold moon, a sword planting in the ground like a flower in the spring. Roots deep in despair.

“Maybe we should wait for Bjorn to arrive before we talk about me.”

Lagertha didn’t trust you. Without hearing it from anyone or anything you knew. Without seeing it in her or the others. You could tell she wasn’t convinced, not at all. The way she would look you up and down just for an instant, her eyes back to her warrior when you spoke.

But you could see something beautiful in her. The gods made sure to change your mind. They stopped the time long enough so that you could see her in all her greatness. Taking care of others like they were all she had, loving those that didn’t deserve it, choosing what was right when every options were wrong. A strength that was directly given from the gods, they told you that. Then that vision was broken into by one of Ivar whispering that he would kill her.

“He must be coming here soon, isn’t he?” you continued.

“Probably tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow it shall be then. For now, let’s eat!” Hvitserk said between two bites. As he did you realised that she was looking at you still without any bad intentions, any good ones.

Behind her, your eyes fixated on something that was barely moving. Behind the curtain you started to understand what the shadow was. Ivar was sitting, observing you all in silence. He knew that you saw him but didn’t move.

“Why are you here Lagertha?”

Everyone got silent and looked up from their plate. Looking at you through confused eyes.

“To see my son.”

“Is that all?”

Torvi whispered something to Ubbe who took the place. “(Y/N)…”

“I have nothing against you Lagertha. But Ivar does and I want to know why.”

“Then ask him.”

You clenched your jaw and Ivar approached to the table.

“Ask me what?”

Lagertha bowed her head and watched carefully as he sat down on the vacant seat next to you. “King Ivar, you’ve finally decided to join us!”

“Lagertha? I don’t remember me inviting you to meet me in my city.”

She gave him a smile and Ubbe rolled his eyes.

“I invited myself.”

You saw, behind your eyelids, a woman caring for a newborn and then getting a bow stuck in her back.

“How about you leave and never come back.”

“I think I should stay. See my son tomorrow.”

“I think you should leave before I kill you.”

“Ivar stop” Ubbe said.

“oh no Ubbe, I don’t think I will”

There was a palpable tension in the room while only Hvitserk kept slowly eating, watching the scene with annoyed eyes. Then, your lips started to move on their own and you didn’t fight it.

“ _In my vision we are always together._ ”

“What was that?” her smug look turned sad in an instant.

“That’s what you told him, Ragnar. Am I wrong?” there was no answer, her chest lifted slowly but heavily. “That’s why you had to kill her. Because she took him from you. It had nothing to do with the town, it was only him.”

“Why are you saying that?”

“I’m not saying anything. The gods are, the gods know.”

“You see why she deserves…”

“No, she doesn’t” you cut Ivar off.

“What?” he was upset, offended beyond.

“Freyja loves her, she adores her. We must respect her because of it, or risk getting the privilege she gives us taken away.”

“Shut your mouth” Ivar screamed, stumping on the table with a fist.

“Don’t talk to me this way. I’m only the messenger” his anger was in complete opposition to the empty serenity you were feeling right now, the certitude of doing the right thing.

He gave you an angry look and then left, making sure to knock one of the stools on his way out. When the silence was back no one had the guts to speak first.

“You know what was one of the first thing she said one I met her?” no one answered Floki. “She’s had a strange life and it will only get stranger”

“I can see that” Lagertha said a warm smile slowly drawing itself on her lips. One that you answered shortly after, continuing the supper calmly. You talked about stories from before, about the lands and curiosity. It went to calm and steady places without escalading and you understood from that night that Lagertha was on your side now, on the god’s if anything.

\--

The next day, Bjorn arrived, followed by a dozen of his warriors. You met him when he arrived, standing next to his mother who approached him with a warm hug. The look he gave you was cold and distrustful. When he asked about Ivar’s absence all you had to answer was a shrug. Ivar was angry, furious even, you did not join his bed and he did not ask for you either.

You couldn’t really blame him, but neither could you appreciate his silence. You’d just earn back his thrust and now you ached for forgiveness even if you hadn’t done anything wrong. The righteousness you felt yesterday was gone.

“He will maybe join his tonight, for supper.”

“You believe that?” Lagertha had followed you to the hall, leaving Bjorn to arrange his arrival, where you were now sat down with only her for company.

“No… but I have to.”

“He’s an angry boy… He hasn’t changed since I knew him”

“Does he look like his father at all?”

Lagertha took a long time to think. In the meantime, you observed the braids in her hair, the shapes of roses on the side of her head. An intricate look that you’d never seen before in England.

“He has his eyes… but I know it’s not what you’re asking about. Parts of him does, yes. He’s intelligent, strategic but also he can be selfish like my ex husband could.”

“I don’t think he is selfish. Not always anyway.”

“You know him better than I do (Y/N), maybe I’m not the best one to describe him to you.”

“I don’t know if I know him that well Lagertha… I know what my eyes have seen, what the gods have told me but… Sometimes I don’t believe I know him at all.”

“Do you love him?”

You were taken back by her question and blurred out: “Love? I don’t…”

“Don’t worry, you’re safe talking to me.”

You had met this woman only a day ago and yet you believe what she told you, you felt it.

You let out a breath and managed to express it to this stranger, letting your guards down for just this time.

“When I met Ivar, I tried to kill him, and he tried to kill me, then he saved me. I was terrified of him. Then I was curious, this curiosity blossomed, and the gods told me, they showed me, that he would give me love beyond compare… I tried so hard to believe it and now… I don’t know what I should do.”

“You love the idea of him then?”

“I guess so. But… it’s more complicated than that. I can see it, it comes to me in flashes, in butterflies when I’m next to him. When I’m with him, when he sees me and I can see him, not Ivar the boneless but the real Ivar, I trust that I really do and now it scares me more than it used to. When it was just a dream.”

She put a hand on top of your and you had to bite your cheek not to cry.

“It’s okay to not be sure. I wasn’t sure for many years with many people. Love does not happen all at once, it does not happen at one time to one person, it’s everywhere in many forms. You will question when you do, and you will question when you don’t. It’s okay to allow yourself to stop questioning for a second, it makes you human.”

“Thank you Lagertha”

She smiled and it was one of the first time since you left your sister that someone had look at you with this much sincerity.


	20. Lonely but not alone

[Day 187 Spring]

Like you predicted, Ivar was nowhere to be seen tonight. So, you had to face the sons of Ragnar and the most famous shieldmaiden in the world alone. Apart from Floki, of course.

You felt uncomfortable at the idea of being neither a guest nor a hostess. Just a stranger that had the difficult task of convincing a whole town that she was more important than anyone.

“We’ve already met, all of us, I know... But I didn’t ask for you to come tonight, some from here some from far…” you gave a look to Bjorn. “to meet me. I am no one, I am a voice and this voice, the awareness of my voice now, is what matters today and for many years to come.”

“This is…”

“Let her talk Bjorn.” Floki said, not taking his eyes off you. He gave you a small nod and you persevered.

“The gods talk to me, they do not come only once in a blue moon, they do not give me brief images, they **talk** to me. In return, they’ve chosen me to talk to you all. To be their voices on earth. I know some of you here do not believe me, and I know that even after many proofs, they still wont. But you guys are the future of Vikings, of the legacy that your father has started. You need to know what the gods envisioned; you need to let me see you for them to know you better.”

“Is that all you need (Y/N)? to be heard?”

“No Hvitserk, of course not. I also need your protection; I need your voices to become what the gods want for me.”

You walked from your chair at the dinner table to the thrones, to the back of it, brushing your finger on the wood. His heat seemingly still here.

“I don’t need much. But, I need you.”

“You have my protection.” Ubbe said, raising his glass to you.

“I knew I did Ubbe, thank you” you remembered the day he gave you warmth in the cold ocean. A comfort you always would be thankful for.

“mine too” Hvitserk followed his brother with a smile.

It was now up to Bjorn and his mother.

“How can we know you’re not just profiting from this? How can we be sure that this is a good thing?”

“You can’t. Because Bjorn, it is not a good thing, it is not a bad thing either. No one but the gods are profiting from this. I, for one, never wanted this, I never asked for it and yet it’s in my hands now.”

“I believe you (Y/N).” Lagertha nodded her head slowly and you had to hold your breath while you looked at Bjorn, studying his face, trying to know if he was really going to go against this. And if he was, sure thing a lot would follow.

“I believe my mother’s judgment. Hay, I’ll protect you too.”

You let out a sigh and thanked all of them, finally feeling good enough to eat.

Later, after supper, Bjorn followed you to your shed and entered without knocking. You grabbed the axe you usually left on your nightstand but didn’t point it at him, just letting it rest on your side.

“How was I?”

“convincing” He replied, his face serious as usual.

“Then why did you follow me?”

“Please, don’t be afraid of me”

It took a little time before you finally put the axe back, your shoulders still tense. Your fingers still holding an imaginary weapon.

“I want to know something”

“Ok?”

He sat down on the bed and for a split second you were afraid he was going to do something bad.

“Will I ever govern over Kattegat?”

Somehow it was worse. If you were to know, it meant you were to know a bad thing about a man you cared for. If it was false, it meant you were to tell him something he wouldn’t like, and you didn’t know him enough to be prepared for his reaction

But you had a duty. If Floki was here, he would yell at you to do what was right and to be the vessel of gods you were meant to be. You joined him on the bed and took his hand.

To your surprise nothing was shown to you. Instead, it came in a whisper, a phrase you knew you had to repeat.

“ _For a time. Then time will be cut short and everyone will fall”_

“What do you mean”

“I’m only the messenger ironside. Think about it.”

He got up, visibly confused but before stepping out he turned sideway and a thank you got out from his lips and lodged into your chest. Breathless, you felt weird but not unhappy.

\--

Somewhere inside you couldn’t be happy about your night. Sure, you were relieved but that was all. You knew exactly why but couldn’t bring yourself to do anything about it. It felt completely out of your control.

It might have gotten warmer in the town, but the weather was cruel in Kattegat. This night especially, you were shivering in your fur, trying to cozy up but failing to. The absence of your sister even more apparent now than yesterday. Your teeth were grinding together and your muscles shaking uncontrollably.

You needed to move; you would never be able to sleep in these conditions.

You decided to go on a walk, grabbing the fur and covering your shoulders with it. The cold wind hit your face and it took a big sigh for you to start walking. It was cold. Cold and silent. Only sound coming from houses getting to sleep and drunks stumbling to their homes.

One of these drunks looked wobblier than the others. He fell and you swore you could’ve seen a stick or something falling the opposite way. You had no intention to give the man any attention until you passed by him and realized that the stick wasn’t one at all. It was a crutch and you’d seen it many times now.

“What are you…” he sniffled, covering his mouth to let a hiccup out. “… doing here”

“I couldn’t sleep. What are **you** doing here?”

He tried to sit down but it looked way harder than usual. You debated to help him but it was no use, he would be angry any way.

“what does it look like I’m doing?”

He gave you a dark eye and finally was able to sit, leaning his back onto the wall.

“I know what she did Ivar… I unde..”

“And you still defended her.”

‘Yes. I’m not going to say I’m sorry for it.’

Your breath left cloud in the dark night and you got on your knees in front of him, the dirt getting on your dress and cooling your leg.

“then what are you doing here. Get out of my sight” his voice cracked at the last part.

“Do you really want me to go?”

He frowned and you looked into each others’ eyes. Lagertha was right, you loved him.

Real love. Love that gives into our deepest insecurities and passion, one that gives everything and takes it all. Love that hurts and ache but heals all. More than the gods he was the reason you were still here, the reason why you didn’t run away.

And if he was to tell you to go you probably wouldn’t be able to continue.

But he said nothing.


	21. Love

[Day 270 summer]

Almost three months had passed since that night. It was finally warm enough in the town to walk around without a coat on. More people were out and around, and the word about your gift had slowly spread to most. It took a while for the people to put their thrust into a _Christian,_ but most did. Those who didn’t well…

Ivar didn’t listen to you after all. Defying your claim was defying his credibility and he sent the lucky ones away and the rest suffered a more undesirable end, much to your dismay. Last time it happened was now a full moon ago, but you could still see the face of the man amidst the fire like it was yesterday.

It might have started some fights, but you knew who the man you loved was. It was no surprise and you never expected to change him.

\--

_Three months ago_

_The silence was heavy. It was hard to bare, impossible to follow. His eyes were glassy from the alcohol, but he was entirely here. He didn’t spoke, his jaw clenching before looking away. You were sure he was about to tell you to go but then he grabbed your face with his hands and pulled you in for a kiss. His left hand went to the back of your neck and it made your entire body shiver._

_Your knees slid on the mud and you got closer. He pulled back and you leaned your forehead on his. As you closed your eyes you felt his thumb on your lips._

_“Please don’t go” he said._

_Tears went down your face and there was nothing to stop them._

_“I love you, please don’t go.” You looked into his eyes and you knew, right here and there that he was sincere._

_“I love you too” you replied in a breath. “I’m not going anywhere”_

_A smile crossed your lips in between the tears and rain started to fall from the dark sky. The cold drop mixing with the mud that had stained both of you._

_“Little mary…” he didn’t finish his sentence that you already were kissing him._

\--

You sat down in the warm sand, watching the waves, while a woman was braiding your hair. Her fingers were gentle, and she made sure not to make them too tight so you wouldn’t get a headache at the end of the day.

“May I ask something my lady?”

“of course!”

“Could you tell me what the gods are thinking of this day?”

Silence. There was nothing to say.

“If you must know they’ve been very quiet for a little while now.”

She gave no reply, but you could tell your answer worried her.

“They don’t always talk. Sometimes I go days without hearing anything, I wouldn’t worry about it, sweet girl.”

“Do **you** worry about it? It’s an important day”

“For me it is. Doesn’t mean the gods have to rejoice at all I get.”

\--

_A week ago_

_“Are you worried about me being here at all?”_

_Ivar rolled over on the bed to face you, his face leaning on his hand. “What do you mean?”_

_“In your bed I mean”_

_He frowned. “Why would that worry me?”_

_“People might think…”_

_“I don’t care what they think”_

_“Ivar… I know you enough to say that you do care. Besides, some might think you’re using me, or the other way around.”_

_“How would I be using you?”_

_“I don’t want to be your whore.”_

_“Don’t say that about yourself” he got angry, clenching his jaw. “I love you, there’s nothing more to say”_

_“I love you too.” You looked at your fingers, still unsure about it._

_“well… there is one more thing.”_

_“What?”_

_“There’s one thing I could do that would stop your worries.”_

_“I’m not really worried Ivar… it’s more that I think people won’t listen…”_

_“Marry me.”_

_His question hit you like a brick in the chest. You stopped breathing for a second. “I…” you couldn’t talk._

_“Marry me, become my queen little Mary”_

_Slowly a smile drew on your lips and you jumped on his laps, kissing him so quickly your noses bumped into each other._

_“Yes! Yes, I will!”_

\--

There were flowers everywhere. Some you’d never seen on this soil. Some on the ground, some on the walls and some in your hair. The sun was shinning, and you were happy that for once something was going well.

It was a woman dressed in white that was to marry you both. Ivar looked happy; you’d never seen him this calm in your life, a smile stuck to his face. There was no malice in his eyes, no double meaning in his words, not a bad intention in sight. Just two lovers making the best of what they had.

In this case, it was a lot.

It seemed that everyone in Kattegat was there, surrounding you. In the crowd, as you interchanged the rings your eyes met Floki’s and you smiled at him.

She might have opposed it, but you wished that Margery was there.

When Ivar kissed you, every worry, for that short moment were gone. He then raised your hand for all to see and shouted: “All hail your new queen, Queen (Y/N)!”

A loud cheer shook the crowd and you held your head high, smiling in your flower crown.

\--

You got drunk during the supper, maybe a little too much, but so did Ivar. You couldn’t keep your hands off each other and he kept stealing kisses from you every time you got a little too close. There was music and you wanted to dance but you also didn’t want to leave his side.

“Come (Y/N)!” Ubbe screamed at you, dancing next to his wife.

You looked at Ivar, both for approval and to make sure there was no jealousy growing from this invitation. “My brother asked you to go!” He didn’t look bothered at all. “Go wife.”

“Are you sure?”

“It’s your wedding too, go have fun”

You kissed his cheek. “I love you, husband”

When you got up, you almost fell, the alcohol making your movement a little too wobbly. But, Torvi took your hands and you started to dance with more confidence, following her movement. You kept looking at your feet, trying to keep up with the fast instruments. Laughing every time you tripped a little.

When the music stopped you were sweaty and out of breath. A new pair of feet had appeared next to you and you traced them to the face attached to it.

“I see you’re enjoying yourself”

“Floki!” you hugged him, and he took your hand.

“You mind if we talk a little?”

“No, let’s go” you joyfully followed him outside, happy to feel the cold breeze of night on your skin. “What do you want to tell me?”

“You look happy”

“I am”

“are you sure?”

“Yes”

“I know Ivar, I basically raised that boy. I know he can be a difficult…”

You took his hands and looked deeply into his eyes.

“I know him too Floki. I know how bad it could get but I love him, and he loves me. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine.”

“if there is anything, I want you to tell me.”

“And I will”

Slowly he hugged you. Resting his head on top of yours while you pressed yours on his chest. He was holding you in a familiar manner, you had felt this warmth before, this energy. Like a father.

Back to Ivar’s side, you couldn’t stop smiling.

“What did he want?”

“to make sure I was happy.”

“Are you?”

You stole a kiss from his lips and whispered slowly the truth “Yes. Very much so”

It wasn’t long after that ubbe and Hvitserk grabbed you and held you up in their arms, leading you to your chamber. The chant of the crowds so loud it made your head spin.

Sitting there, next to your husband, it was surreal.

You’d been in this room many times; you’d been with him even more times but not like this. Not bound in holy matrimony, not with a ring on your finger and wine on your tongue.

“We’re married” you said, looking at the wall. You heard him get on the bed but couldn’t look at him just yet.

“You’re the queen of Kattegat now” he pushed the hair on your neck slowly and placed a kiss on your skin.

“I can’t really believe it.”

His hand shifted slowly to your lower half, placing itself on your inner thigh, almost touching where you needed him to touch you but not quite. You were about to turn around, but he stopped you, now one hand on your thigh and the other one to your neck.

You felt yourself tensing up, your breath louder.

“I can”

He licked the skin of your neck with a kiss and started to unbutton your dress just enough that he could put a hand on your left breast.

“You do look like a queen tonight.”

“It’s only because you make me feel like one”

“stop being humble.”

His grip got rougher and he dug his nails just hard enough to make you wimp. He then threw you on your back and placed himself in between your legs.

He bit the inside of your thigh lightly. “Iva…” he pushed his mouth right there on your clit and you couldn’t help yourself. The words stuck in your throat. His flicked his tongue slowly at first but he quickly listened to you beg and went quicker, stopping right before you could…

“Why did you stop?” you let out in between two breath.

“Because this night is far from over, and I want you to hurt before you can come. I want to hear you beg so loud the whole town wakes up.”

“Game on Boneless”

A smile formed slowly on his lips and those eyes became a mix of lust and torture.

\--

You caressed his hair with your finger, watching him as he looked outside the window. It had been an intense night and you were just cooling down, naked and wet. His brows joined and you followed his gaze outside.

“Is someone burning something?”

White specks were falling out of the sky. You got up and you reached a hand outside, trying to catch it but it melted in your hand.

“I… I think it’s snow.” You were confused and stepped out. Your barefoot feet against the cold mud. You felt the cold speck in your hair and when you looked up you saw the snow falling like in winter’s night.

It wasn’t the time for snow. You thought.

Then the gods answered, standing all around you all at once: “ _it wasn’t the time for a wedding.”_

And they disappeared.

Cold would be the first born of this union and then will come sickness and atrocities that will all help raise death. Many would die, many would suffer. Mary in the sky was weeping and soon would all the people of Kattegat.


	22. cold, sickness and wild things

[Day 300 winter]  
  


1 month.

1 month of unbearable death filled cold.

It took three day before the first one died; a little boy just old enough to walk on his own. The whole town searched for him and, two days later, they discovered his corpse completely frozen in an old shed, hidden under old blanket. His last moment where probably passed too cold to move but free enough to try to survive.

After that they all fell like flies.

In one week, Kattegat looked like a ghost town, everyone had gathered in their homes, the ones brave enough to go out to get food or water had to kiss their wives of children goodbye in fear they might not come back. Hands of corpses would stick out the tall snow, frozen in a desperate position, the ice making sure it was perfectly preserved.

Most families reassembled in mass inside the same houses, trying desperately to keep each other warm.

That was their first mistakes. 

The next week, a man courageous enough to get out, found a house empty of life. The ten people habiting it had all died. Their mouth black and contorted in an horrific expression, the men, women and the children, all of them, dead as could be.

When he came back in his home, ready to start the tale of what he just saw, he coughed.

Then the next day it was their turn to fall. In three days, they had all died and the same thing happened multiples times to multiples innocent family before panic struck and everyone in the town was hiding from this black death.

You hadn’t told anyone, not even your husband about it but you knew why this was happening. The real problem wasn’t that it was your fault, it was that it was too late. The gods were furious that you had the audacity to be yourself, to do something for (Y/N). They were going to make everyone pay for it.

“What are you thinking about?” Ivar’s voice made you look up from the fire. He was shivering back in the doorframe, trying to warm himself under a wolf pelt.

“Nothing really.”

“Have the gods said anything?”

“No. not a word, not since the wedding. We’ve been completely alone.”

He limped to sit next to you and wrap his arm around your shoulder.

“You need to leave.”

Surprised you almost step out onto the fire. “What? What do you mean leave?”

“If you stay, you’re going to die. Cold, sickness, both. Doesn’t matter you need to leave; I don’t want to lose you.”

Your chest lifted and you knew you had to say something but couldn’t. If someone was to leave it wasn’t you.

“Ivar, I won’t go.”

“I’ve already arranged it. You’ll be safe, I trust my…”

“The water’s frozen, even if I would want…”

“There’s other ways.”

“Stop it. I wont leave.”

He didn’t answer, closing his eyes to take a breath, gathering patience. You kneeled in front of him, taking his hands in yours.

“Its not going to work.”

“(Y/N)…”

You inhaled, trying to stop the tears from falling. In a whisper you let out: “It’s my fault” his silence was answer enough. “I know you know Ivar. Don’t deny it.”

His eyes opened to reveal his frozen gaze, red from anger and sadness. Despair.

“Almost half the town is either sick of dead, I don’t believe it’s you.”

“You don’t **want** to believe. There’s a difference. The gods are punishing everyone for **my** mistake. Whether I leave or not it wont change what’s happening.”

“What can we do?”

No answer. You didn’t know and it wasn’t a failure to ask, no one was answering, you could beg, cry, scream, it didn’t make a difference.

“My mistake cannot be erased.”

“What mistake?”

“You.”

He sniffled and his back straightened while he took his hands out of your grip.

“So, you regret marrying me now?”

“I could never. They could kill all of us and I still would love you, I still would think of you everywhere I go, I still would pray in your name and think of your voice before I fall asleep. But I angered them, I ruined their plan for me and now they’re making us suffer for it.”

He looked at the fire and you joined him under the fur, next to him it was almost warm.

\--

That night you were peacefully asleep, Ivar holding you in his arms, the fire cracking a few feet away from the bed. Someone barged in and Ivar without hesitation turned, an axe from under his pillow raised. You, it was a different story, you jumped, sure, but it felt like Ivar had been awake for years before you.

“My King, it’s… You need to come please.”

He lowered his axe, but you could tell he wasn’t convince that you were out of danger. His bare shoulder still tense and eyes locked on the guard.

“What is it?”

“It’s your brother.”

Ivar started to put on his coat and his braces. You did the same, grabbing the boots next to the bed but the man at the door looked at you with worry in his eyes.

“Which brother?”

You followed him to the hall, leaving the warmth of the small room, you felt a cold wind hit your face and almost regretted being out.

“Bjorn”

“What has he done?” he groaned.

“Oh…” you stopped, looking at the scene.

Blood.

More than you’d ever seen. Just so much blood. Red, deep, spread all over his face and his chest.

Bjorn was standing behind the man, his gloved hands caked in the dead stranger’s blood.

“Who is that? I’ve never seen him before.”

“He’s one of mine”

“What happened to him?” you approached with hesitation, one of his hand was raised upward, frozen in place, his fingers already blue.

“Found him like this right in front of my door. He’s the third one today.”

“Take off his coat, one of you bring me water” Ivar motioned to the guards also in the room.

As they did, red snow flew out.

Now that he was almost naked you could clearly see the open wound on his neck all the way to his heart.

“Do you have any idea what happened?”

“a bear.” As Bjorn said it, he looked right at you. It was like he knew this whole thing was your fault.

“There’s a bear in the gates? Can’t be.” Ivar shook his head, still concentrated on the man on the table.

“The first man we found only had his head remaining. We didn’t know what to believe but, as soon as the second one was killed and I saw the print in the snow, I knew. As I walked here to see you, I found him also. He was killed in his own home, the bear destroyed a wall, entered and savaged him.”

“We need to find it and kill it.” You said. Ivar raised his head to you and you found comfort in his gaze that you didn’t in Bjorn’s.

“I’ll give you ten men tomorrow; I believe you can manage the task brother.”

“With this cold I frankly don’t know”

“well… did you bring me here to tell me that there is nothing to be done?”

“No. As your brother, I wanted you to see what was happening in your town, before others did.”

“And as your king I’m asking you to deal with it.”

The tension in the room was palpable.

“You’re no k…”

“I’ll do it.”

Both brothers and the guard turned to you. Small as you were, quiet as you could.

“My love you can’t…”

“I can”

“You’ll die!”

“I won’t.” your breath was shaky, but it didn’t sound like it when you spoke. “Tomorrow morning, before the sun rises, give me ten men and I’ll find the bear and kill it.”

“What could possibly give you the impression that you could kill a bear?”

“You once told me that gods like to disguise themselves as animals when they come to earth, particularly in bears.”

“Yes but…”

“I’m the one that gods are talking to am I not? I might not know how to kill a bear if I come face to face with one but what if that bear is not just a bear, then I’m the best chance.”

“it’s just a bear (Y/N).”

“Bjorn! When in your _years_ of living in Kattegat have you seen a bear inside the gates?”

He didn’t answer.

“(Y/N), I’m not going to let you hunt a fucking bear in this cold.”

“And I’m not asking you to let me either. I’ll do it on my own account, no more discussion.”

You could tell he wanted to be angry at you but instead he turned his eyes at his brother, pointing a finger at him. “If she dies, I’ll kill you.”

You went back to bed without saying more. Alone in the bed you knew Ivar was preparing your war and you couldn’t be more petrified.


	23. Thor and the bear

[Day 301 Winter]

The silver armor was glistering in the light of the flames. You were watching the bright reflection, hypnotised by it.

“WHERE ARE THE OTHERS!”

It was Ivar, screaming at the top of his lungs, making everyone in the room jump except for you.

“There’s no more my king.”

“What do you mean no more? I asked for twenty men and there’s what? Five?”

“The others wouldn’t come. They’re afraid of the cold and the…”

“And **where** are they?”

“In their homes”

He laughed, then knocked on the table.

“Burn them.”

“What?”

“You heard me. Burn their homes, then maybe some nearby will be able to get warm with their corpses”

There was a silence in the room, they knew him, but they were still hoping it was a joke, only, Ivar the boneless didn’t do jokes. Not when something so serious was at play. Not when you were in danger, not when he was angry.

“GO!”

The five men ran out, a freezing breeze came in the room for a moment and the chills that were generated by it made you question everything about your decision.

You wondered how the armor would protect you if you were wrong and it was only just a bear. It probably wouldn’t. Even if you were right, what was an armor to a god’s wrath?

“You can’t go, not until I can find…”

“Don’t worry about it, Ivar”

“Don’t worry? DON’T WORRY?” he threw a cup on the ground and it exploded in tiny pieces.

His anger was only annoying to you right now. You took the armor and put it on over the leather coat that was given to you earlier.

“I’m going.”

“As you king I…”

“As your wife!” you walked toward him. “As your wife I command you to stay away from this. I’ll do it, ten men or none. I’m gone.”

It was anger, but also worry. It was violence but also love. It was everything you needed him to be and yet it was nothing at all. You took his face and kissed him beside his hesitation, not even looking at him when you broke away to walk to the door.

Cold took you in like a violent mother. Her arms slashing your face, cutting through the fur and leather, feeding on the metal of your breastplate. But you kept going into this ghost town. The fire from the five burning home the only color in this white land.

You didn’t know where to go but your instinct was telling you to follow the trail away from the fires. You didn’t have much time, if your estimation were correct, you had maybe less than an hour before you would freeze to death, but even less before your muscles would give out.

Walking against the clock.

You tripped on something and before crashing down you managed to see the red and black figure. It was another victim of the bear, a young boy with curly brown hair. His jaw had been eaten off and his eyes were stuck in the direction of the fires. On the ground next to him was a spilled bucket of grain.

You helped yourself get up with the axe, studying the blood mixing in the trail that the bear had made in his path. Snow started to fall from the grey sky, the wind blowing it directly in your face, freezing your eyelash and nose.

“Stupid fucking gods” you muttered, the rage managing to warm you for a second.

Behind you, you heard a low grunt and a hot cloud was blown on your right ear. You turned around; the axe held high to face the largest bear you had ever seen. His fur white as the ground, his eyes black as the moonless night. The only color coming from the blood caked on his chest and nose.

He stood on his hind leg and you knew you had no chance of winning. You still tried to strike him with the blade but to no avail, he hit you on your side with his large paw, his nails easily piercing trough the leather, barely making it to your skin, grazing the metal, ripping into it. You fell and got to your knee.

You regretted it all.

He growled loudly; his fangs impressive in his open mouth. When he got up again, you hit him on his belly, but the skin was too tough and the creature too fast. You got separated from your only defense and he struck you again, this time ripping a hole in your armor and into your shoulder, you screamed in pain and got thrown again on your knees.

“STOP!” you screamed.

His mouth opened and the foul smell almost made you gag. As he got on top of you, crushing your body with his weight, you couldn’t breathe. And then, he bit you, bit your stomach and the pain was unbearable. Maybe it was a god, but this god was only a bear for this second. A savage, cruel bear.

What was a bear to a fearful child, begging for her mom.

You didn’t die, you probably wouldn’t. When you stuck your finger in its eye it got away, shaking its head, blood came out of his pierced eye. Slowly, you got up beside the pain, holding your wound with your left hand and yourself with your right.

You didn’t even had time to look up that he was charging again, this time one of his paw ripped your face and you stopped seeing with your right eye. The blood flooded your mouth and nose, before the pain took you, you wondered if you would drown in it.

You had no chance of winning.

None.

“I’M DONE!” you screamed, the bear stopping to look at you. “Kill me” you whispered.

He growled and got on his back legs.

“KILL ME!”

A large gush of wind came and as you closed your remaining eye to shelter it the bear disappeared, in his place was a simple man, his hair the color of thunder, his eyes red with anger.

“Four years.”

“KILL ME!” you screamed again, the pain mixing in the tears.

“You have four years and then none.”

He disappeared.

You cried and cried but then nothing else happened and you had to get up. The wounds were bleeding excessively, and it would leave traces in the snow. As you walked to a house you knew, you took off your coat and your broken armor, almost naked in the cold and the hurt.

You fell in the house, looking at the fire burning calmly in the fireplace.

Floki turned you around and his face changed when he recognized you. Panic struck him but he still had the mind to take you in into the bed.

“I killed the bear” you whispered, feeling a fever already taking over your pained body.

“What happened to you?” his tone was frantic.

“I killed the bear” you repeated, chocking on the blood that had dripped down your throat.

“We need to stop the bleeding” he talked to himself, pushing down on your wound with what he could find.

“Floki…” some blood came out of your mouth as you spoke.

“Don’t speak, it’s okay”

“I did it”

“Yes! Yes, I know you did” he didn’t fully understand but he still played into it.

“It hurts…”

“I’ll go get someone, don’t move”

When he got up you grabbed his hand and you saw that his eyes were red.

“I’m not going to die… Stay”

You trusted what you thought at first. But the pain… the pain was bad. It might be your belly that was bleeding the most but the pain from your left eye, now that was the worst of it. It burned as if someone had pushed your face in hot coals.

“I can get Ivar”

“Not now. Now sit down and stay with me, just a moment.”

He did. He looked even more hurt than you.

“I should have…”

“You would be dead if you had helped me, anyone would”

His thumb was stroking the palm of your hand.

“You were…” you sighed, closing the eye that was left to think away the pain. “You were right”

“About what?”

“I’m the seer”

“Yes, you knew that, you said that”

“I’m **only** the seer.”

It took him a little bit to understand but when he did, he couldn’t find the words.

“(Y/N) will die.” A tear fell down his face and mirrored the flames from the fireplace. You wanted so much to comfort him, but you needed someone to know today, before lying could be the only good thing for the ones you love. “Not now, but she will.”

A scream from outside made you both jump. Floki opened the door and a hot breeze came inside the cabin.

“SUMMER IS BACK!” screamed a man from far away.

You smiled.

You cried.

The fever got worse, but you didn’t die.


	24. The time we could lose

[Day 366 Autumn]

The cut on your belly healed nicely and without any thing to be done about it except to give time.

The eye, it was a different story.

For a couple of days, you just tried to keep the wound clean, wondering if your eyesight would come back. A week after, a horrible infection started, puss coming out of the cut and you didn’t even have the time to make peace with it, that it became clear that the only solution was to take the eye out all together. It was painful, horrible. But cauterizing the wound with the burning knife was worse than getting the eye out. Beside it being less bloody, it was the worse pain you’d ever experienced.

Months after you still thought about it, waking up in the night with the image of the red blade closing in on you. But today it didn’t hurt no more. It was ugly but you didn’t care, an eyepatch would cover your side and if you worried about Ivar’s reaction at first, he proved you many times that he didn’t care either.

Now that you only had one eye to see it was clear that you would be completely blind before the four years would pass. To console yourself about it, you spent most days watching beautiful things, watching the peoples, the ocean, the sky, the flowers, the jewellery, everything.

Ivar was angry when you left, but after you got better, he was furious. He cursed your bravery and you cursed him back. He eventually apologized, but you knew that deep down he still cared about what happened. He was overprotective of you now, almost to a fault. You reminded him many times that it was no use and the worse was behind you, but he didn’t stop.

On the last night before Bjorn was to leave, there was a council with many important men and woman, including Lagertha and all the ragnarsons.

“skol” everyone raised their glasses to the announcement that Hvitserk would join Bjorn next spring to raid to places farther in the east.

“And you Ivar, are you planning any raids this summer?”

You thought you knew the answer and smiled thinking of the next hot days you’ll spent by his side.

You thought.

“Funny you should ask, but I’ve recently been thinking about Paris, try to put some sense into my uncle.”

The news got you like a punch in the stomach. _4 years, 4 years, 4 years._

“And why haven’t you talk to us about it?” Bjorn’s eyes were dark.

“We’ll that’s what I’m doing right now, am I not?”

They began to argue but you couldn’t ear them anymore, the buzzing in your head making you nauseous.

“You’ll have to excuse me” you muttered, getting up and leaving the room seemingly unnoticed.

You walked into the hallway leading up to your chamber but started to feel so dizzy you had to sit down. Ivar was looking on as a man, large as a bear, was fighting a war and winning beside the numbers. Water washed a boat and a man fell inside the ocean, sinking to the bottom without anyone to help him. A horse stomped on a bloody beach. A woman…

“Are you alright?”

It was Torvi, looking down at you with worry in her eyes.

“Yes, I’m fine.”

You’d never really spoken before beside brief acknowledgment of each others presence. There was no real reason for why, it just was that way.

“I was feeling a little dizzy inside, would you like to walk with me for a minute?”

She led you a hand and you took it, appreciating her lie.

The weather outside was nice, the sun almost gone behind the hill leaving beautiful colors in the horizon, illumining the red trees.

“Will you go with Ivar on his raid?”

“I don’t think he would let me”

“You don’t need his permission”

It was true but the reality was more complicated. Even if he let you, you wouldn’t be able to go, wouldn’t be able to leave. Four years was all they gave you, not to be able to leave, not to be able to fight, maybe not even to survive, be happy or sad. Their kindness was also a curse, a time to reflect on what you were losing day by day.

“Will you?”

“I don’t know, Probably not. My heart belongs to Lagartha and Ubbe not revenge or Ivar.”

Her answer made you smile, the simplicity of it. She was a complicated woman with contradiction and hurt but she was loyal, and no one would ever take it away from her.

“How is your eye?”

“Fine, it does not bother me anymore. I’m kind of starting to like the look of the eyepatch, I don’t know why, its kind of making me look…” you were looking for a word but not finding it.

“Dangerous?”

“Yes!”

she smiled at you and you felt a warmth in your heart in return.

“Tomorrow morning why don’t you come with me and Lagertha to train, we’d love for you to join us”

“Train? As in combat?”

“Yes, of course.”

“I’m not very good at It I’m afraid. Floki tried to teach me but besides his best effort I’m still not very good, I have many scars to prove it”

“It’s because Floki fights like a man, women, we fight differently, there’s something more in what we do, and he does not know it because he’s not like us.”

“More? What do you mean?”

“Mmm… it’s difficult to explain, we’ll have to show you.”

You bit your lips to contain your excitement. It wasn’t the fighting part that interested you, it was the fact that she was treating you more than what you were used to.

“I’ll come”

You went back to the supper not too long after and you almost succeeded in not thinking about the news that Ivar broke down a couple of minutes ago. 

As you settled in the bed, you couldn’t stop smiling to yourself.

“What happened at dinner?”

“I felt little dizzy, I went to take a walk and it helped.”

“Did you see something?”

It got back to you, this scary vision, the time left.

“No.”

He knew you lied. Every time you did you would look at your hands, he’d pointed it many times before.

“Why do you hide things to me?”

“Why do you want to leave?”

He frowned, not even considering the idea that it was the reason you were upset in the first place.

“To take revenge on my uncle, he betrayed my father and his kingdom, he needs to be punished. Not only that, Paris has a lot of wealth to profit from.”

“I don’t want you to go”

He sighed and looked at the ceiling, rubbing a hand in his face.

“Well it’s not up to you”

“I’m your wife, I should have a say in this”

“When my wife went to hunt a bear in the worst cold in out history and I asked her not to go, did she listen to me?”

“Only difference is that your wife can look into the future”

“So, you did see something!” his eyes were now back on you.

“Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t. I still ask you, for our sake to not go, not right now.”

“So later?”

You could feel your heart beating in your chest.

“Yes.”

Not a lie, nor the truth. A way to have more time.


	25. Flash of light

[Day 367 – Autumn]

It was grey again.

It was always grey.

Even with a coat on you were shivering under the armor. Moving was helping but not nearly enough. If you had expected the women to go easier on you than Floki, you’d been proven wrong many times in a short amount. Lagertha would hit with more force but she was more forgiving with your blow, making sure you knew when you were right. Torvi was less strong but every time you would, by miracle, touch her, her response was one that would leave dark and inflamed bruises. Ivar would probably have thoughts of murder later.

“You’re good!” Lagertha was looking at you as you were trying to catch your breath, your hands on your knees.

“Good enough for war?” you joked.

“Maybe if we fight only children”

“Small children” added Torvi, laughing at her own joke.

“Don’t worry (Y/N), nobody’s is good at first, I’ve been fighting for longer than you were alive, of course I’m better than you, but if you keep at it, you’ll be a good warrior.”

You knew that four years wouldn’t be enough to make you good, but her answer still made you feel better.

“Ok, I’m ready again” you straightened up, raising the wooden sword.

Forgetting your eye, Torvi struck you in your belly from your right and since you didn’t see her you did nothing to stop her. The blow cut your breath short and you fell, holding your lower abdomen with your arm.

A cramp took you. Then another.

“Are you alright?”

Only a result of the hit, nothing more. Then it started again. and you moaned in pain. You felt something dripping down your leg and you took a finger to see what it was and uncovered some blood. It Staining through your pant leg. Lagertha kneeled in front of you with worry in her eyes.

“Are you pregnant (Y/N)? you didn’t tell us you were!”

“I’m not!”

“How long ago have you bled?”

You couldn’t remember, it had been a while but the thought of being pregnant had never crossed your mind.

“Torvi help me, we’ll get her to the healer” they took, one on either side. The cramps would hurt every step and you worried about too much.

Were you loosing a child you didn’t even knew you carried? Were your four years a lie?

The healer’s house was a placed you’d visited many times and she now knew you by name. She was an older woman, always wearing heavy eye makeup and feathers in her hair.

You laid on the table and she arrived with her usual calm.

“What is it?”

“I don’t know” you held yourself as another wave of pain took you.

“I think she’s pregnant and loosing the child”

You panicked and your eyes crossed the blonde woman’s.

“Lay back” she said and as you obeyed, she lifted your skirt and started to touch you inside, you hissed as her finger penetrated you deep.

“She’s not” she went away to wash her hands in a bucket.

“Pregnant?” you asked.

“Losing the child”

A nervous smile formed on your lips.

“I am pregnant?”

“Congratulation my queen”

“What about the pain and the blood?” Torvi’s concern was heartwarming.

“Well, it’s normal when you hit a pregnant woman in the belly that her body reacts, but she is not miscarrying. Take this” she handed you a bread with some herbs on it and you ate it slowly. “For the pain and the cramps, and I want you to rest for the rest of the week”

“Can she go back to her bed?”

“Yes, come back if you need anything else”

“Thank you” the news was starting to hit you in wave, almost silencing the cramps. “Thank you” you simply could not believe it, someone was growing inside of you, someone that you would love from this day to your last.

Outside Torvi excused herself in repetition, and even if you forgave her from the moment she hit you, she still felt too bad to not help you to your bed. “Are you okay” You smiled at her

“Yes Torvi, don’t worry, it doesn’t hurt as much, go, fetch my husband please, I have some news for him” she went with a head bow, bitting her lips. You hoped for her sake that she would not tell you the first reason you knew your pregnancy.

“I’m pregnant?”

“You are” Lagertha took your hand, “You will be a good mother”

“I hope so”

“I will go now, make sure Ivar doesn’t see me in his room”

“It would be wise.” Her eyes made you think it was okay, it was all going to be okay.

Waiting for Ivar you tried not to get carried away. Bleeding on your pregnancy was a bad sign, no matter what the healer said. But you still would get thoughts of life as a mother, of little baby fingers in your hands, of laughter and love. None were of the gods, it was all you, only you.

And Ivar. Out of breath, eyes full of worry.

“I’m pregnant”

“what?” he slowly walked to the bed, sitting down next to you.

“I’m pregnant”

“Of…” he pointed to himself, his mouth opening just slightly, not able to truly believe the news.

“Of you, we will have a child”

He slowly approached you, your face pressed nicely on his chest and he kissed the top of your head. You could feel his heart beating and, slowly, it was all calm, all good.

\--

A week later you heard the news that Torvi and Ubbe were soon going to leave with Lagertha to her land. They would come back next summer and until then it was goodbye.

You knew that it was the right time to make sure he would be back because you trusted him.

“Ubbe, can I speak with you?”

“Yes, but quickly I told torvi I would be back right away”

His expression changed once he saw your face.

“This is not a quick talk is it?”

“It could be”

There was a pause where you thought about ending it. Lying, making an excuse. He would be the first you would tell the truth of you condition to.

“You want to go back to England?”

You smiled and sighed. “No, that’s not it.”

“Then what is it?”

You looked around, making sure you were really alone.

“I’m dying”

“No… you are…” he laughed a little but stopped when he saw that you weren’t.

“I am not the seer.”

He shook his head, ready to start an argument but you stopped him.

“I didn’t lie to you all, don’t worry, the seer is in me and it’s power are flowing through me, but I am not the seer. Me. Me I’m a girl from England who became a slave in a Viking country. Slowly but surely, I am disappearing in my own body and soon enough I will be entirely gone and only the seer, the ancient one as you said you used to call him will completely take over.”

“But you’re okay now”

“It’s subtle but it’s real. I still have control over myself, I don’t believe it will happen over night but if it does and when it does, I need to know the ones I love have someone to be there for them, to explain what happened.”

“I can do that”

“Thank you Ubbe.”

On your way back home, you cried.

Holding your belly, trying to feel this new life growing under your finger, you cried again.

But you stopped when Ivar joined you in the bed, when he made love to you with tenderness and love in his eyes. When he told you how glad and excited he was of the news.

You were stroking his cheek, wondering how a man that looked so violent at first could be this calm. Could make you feel so loved and appreciated. He hugged you closer to his naked chest. You closed your eyes and for a moment, the warmth and softness in your heart made you feel like you’d reach heaven or Vallhala or anything of equal. You loved him with every inch of your soul.

“I love you” you whispered in his ear.

He answered something you couldn’t understand but he quickly added: “I love you too little mary, I love more than anything…”

And you stayed there, holding each other for as long as you needed. Him not knowing your true faith, was the only comfort in this misery and you would hold on to it for as long as you could.


	26. Building a nest

[Day 555 – Spring]  
  


Time was passing by at a speed you couldn’t keep up with. Everyone planning and moving so fast you felt dizzy most days. As the news of you being the seer made its way to the people you started to get more and more sought after.

Mother would come to you for the faith of their children, father for the glory of their family. You did your best to answer them but deep down you knew it wasn’t the time to answer any of it. You didn’t **have** the time to answer any of it. Their family was a priority for them but as the life inside of you grew, yours was to you.

Your time was almost there, a moon later you would give birth to the first child of this union. This baby was giving you a hard time, kicking you so hard it would make your nights shorter and your walks painful. You could tell he or she took after Ivar, fiery and hard.

“My queen, I beg you to answer my prayers”

The man was old, his back curved by the years and his beard grey and sheer.

“And what are they?”

“I want the gods to grant me a place in Valhalla.”

You couldn’t answer his prayers, a nervous smile took place. He was old, too old, the gods were ruthless, they didn’t care about his prayers.

“Have you fought in this life at all?”

Gods knew what you were getting at, finding a way to not lie nor to tell the truth. As usual when you wouldn’t be direct, when you didn’t use the words or the visions, they gave you, the thick black liquid would rise at the back of your throat. If it had ever happened a few times before your battle with the bear, now it was a regular occurrence. Sometime staining your lips and you would hide it the best you could. Given that no one had commented on it, it seemed to be working.

“Oh yes! I went with Ragnar on his second voyage to Wesex. I was also there when we helped queen kwenthrith to get her land back.”

“And have you fought recently?”

“I am an old man, I cannot hold a sword anymore, but I am still a warrior at heart!”

“I am sorry sir…” you sighed, knowing what you had to do. “The gods do not seem to be opening their gates for you, no matter what your heart desire, or mine if it is any consolation”

“It’s not what I desire, it’s what I deserve!”

“The gods have halls with many places, they need you elsewhere, but I am not granted this knowledge.”

“But… I’m a warrior, it’s my destiny, I was told long ago that it was!”

“Not anymore”

He started to spit out more implorations and you asked to have him escorted, biting your tongue as to not feel pity for him.

“How many is there left?” You wouldn’t be able to endure many more, the day had been long and stressful and how awful was it to announce atrocities to man who didn’t deserved it. How horrible to tell mothers of their sons’ death, of children of their disappointment.

“Only one”

You sighed, holding your head high once more. “Alright, send him in”

He was a stranger, never to be seen before in this hall by you. Given the drawings on his face and the crown on his head you’d thought that you would recognize him, but it was ringing no bell.

“Ancient one is it?”

“I prefer queen (Y/N), if you don’t mind” You answered between pinched lips. You had been called it many times but it bothered you now that it was between this stranger’s lips for some reason.

“I’ve heard people saying that Ivar had a new wife and that she claims she’s in contact with the gods”

“I don’t simply claim it, I am.”

“I’ve had no proof so far”

“You are a bold man to walk into my home and say those things. What is your name?”

“Harald, if it please you” he bowed, his eyes never lowering.

“You’ve been here before have you not, Harald?”

“I have. With your husband and his father before.”

“And why is it me you reach to now? Why not go directly to the one you claim to know?”

“Because I have a question for you”

“And what is it?”

“Will I succeed? Will I become the king of all Norway?”

“A bold question from a bold man.”

Usually the visions were faith, the whispers almost inaudible. But it was loud now and bright. So bright that even under your closed eye it was too bright to see. Battles fought and lost, women dying and crying. A little boy holding on a door with a tight grip.

“Twenty reasons why you won’t”

“Twenty men to kill then”

“Twenty to find, but greatness will never come under your name if you don’t.”

“Are you always this vague?”

“Only when it’s important.”

He smirked at you and you asked to have him escorted to Ivar. Going with the guards he gave you one last look and you felt shivers down your spine.

“He’s a dangerous man this one.” More of an affirmation than a question but the guard that stayed by your side answered.

“Oh yes, if I was you, I would not see him alone, only if you really must.”

When the other guard came in, followed by someone else, you wanted to stop them, having already decided that it was enough for today.

“Please, no more, I am…”

But you recognized him, and a genuine smile arose.

He looked tired but calm and happy, following him was Torvi.

“I thought you only got back in summer”

“I heard of the good news and Torvi had one too, we thought it was a good idea to come back now”

“Good news?” she walked in and as she unveiled her coat you saw the baby bump. You applauded.

“If I wasn’t this huge, I would run down to embrace you two, I am very happy for you.”

She walked closer. “Don’t say that, you look lovely” she kissed your cheek and you blushed at her compliment.

“How was the voyage?”

“Brief, we had good wind”

“Then you must supper with us tonight, I am sure Ivar will be glad to see you too”

“Will he?” Ubbe wasn’t born last night, your politeness was seemingly stupid at this moment.

“No… but I am so, will you?”

“Of course, we will”

Torvi had someone draw a bath for her and Ubbe and you were sent off, with an ever stopping smile on your lips to announce the news to Ivar.

“My love” he raised his head from his board game and so did Hvitserk in front of him.

Ubbe followed you soon after and Hvitserk immediately went to great him with a warm hug.

“Hello brother, it’s a surprise to see you so early in the year”

“Other matters led me to come now instead of later”

“Torvi is pregnant!” you didn’t let him the time, maybe you should have but having her here again made you feel too light to think correctly.

“Congratulation!” Hvitserk hit him with his palm on his back and Ubbe’s respond was with a head nod. He looked reluctant, more than usual.

“They’ll have supper with us tonight”

Their silence was answer enough. You didn’t have the patience nor the time to play in their inability to get along. To know that his brother was accompanying the woman who killed their mother was offence enough for Ivar, you didn’t need to be reminded of it tonight.

“I expect everyone to be on their best behavior” as you said it your eyes went to all of them but especially to Ivar, knowing if someone was to bring discomfort tonight it would be him.

The two brothers left the room for you and your husband not long after. You were happy to see them, but you were so exhausted of your day that sitting down felt almost as good as wine on a summer night.

“Has Harald come to you?”

“briefly, how do you know?”

“He came to me before”

“Did he?” he looked surprise by the news.

“Yes, he had questions for me”

“Of course, he did” he sighed.

“I don’t trust him, neither should you.”

“Why, he’s an important ally.”

“He’s too ambitious for an ally”

“You think I don’t know that? You underestimate me wife.”

You weren’t sure what to add. Your visions had become a crutch, one too blurry to explain to those it did not personally concern but one nonetheless. This time though, it wasn’t about being the seer, it was about you, a gut feeling not influenced by anything you’d see.

“What is your plan with him then”

“Harald has good ideas for the battlefield, he plans his raid very well when nothing is bringing him down. I’ll learn from things he has to say and then…”

“Then what? Kill him?”

“That or… He’s unmarried, from what I learn a marriage is always a good plan to assure alliance.”

“What are you saying?”

“If we have a daughter…”

“Are you kidding me, are you saying that you want to marry our unborn child to this man? I won’t let you!”

“Not him! Of course not. But if we manage to marry him and he has a son OR a daughter, we could ally our two family. And so, he’ll be happy to have, at least, a chance at having a great name.”

“the idea doesn’t please me Ivar.”

“It’s not done yet. Besides, Harald could still die before it results to this”

You sat, holding your belly in your hand. It felt so large, you could barely see your own feet. You rubbed your temples, wondering how a moment that filled you with so much happiness was now already stressful.

“You look very pretty today.”

The compliment made you blush, but it did not make you smile.

“I’m still not happy about it, Ivar.”

“Then I won’t do it”

It was so simple you turned your eyes to him, waiting for a ‘I’m joking’ or anything of the same nature but it didn’t come.

“Just like that?”

“Yes. If you don’t want it, I won’t do it”

“Why did you change your mind?” So easily you wanted to add.

“If making you happy mean I’ll have to find another ally then so be it. I prefer to lose a battle than to lose your happiness”

For some reason, maybe you, maybe good plans, maybe anything in the world, he was happy and giving. Oh, you loved him, if it wasn’t for the damn gods, you’d die for him and today you were sure he would for you too.


	27. Visions of a normal man

[Day 630 - Spring]

Harald never left. His presence a constant reminder of a threat your child may have to face one day. You believed that he really told you the truth when he said he wouldn’t do it, but things change all the time, who knows what could happen at the end.

He would be here when there was a large dinner and you couldn’t help yourself in looking side eye at him. He was jovial, his charm indisputable but still, he was dark for you. Too dark to understand. His smile was lost on you and he knew it, it didn’t stop him from drinking in your honor, make toast in your name during the night as people cheered, and he enjoyed the frustration in your face.

Ivar would tell you that it was all in your head, that he wasn’t as dangerous as you thought but his judgement was flawed, filtered by Harald’s involvement in Lagertha’s demise at one point. Ivar looked to be more stressed about something else. He was distant in the previous week, sleeping less and leaving early each morning.

One day you managed to catch him before he would run out.

“Why are you leaving?”

“I have a meeting with Ubbe to talk about trades with the east”

“No you’re not”

You knew that Ubbe went on a hunting trip yesterday and wouldn’t be back for another day or two.

“I’m not lying”

“You’ve had meetings every morning for a week now? It’s a busy time.”

“It is”

“Why don’t you stop bullshitting me and tell me what’s your problem?”

He sighed but his body was still facing the door. “Come sit. Please.”

As he did, you placed a hand on his shoulder, anticipating seeing something but it was empty. He was a mystery.

“What is on your mind? Why do you avoid me now?”

“It’s not you I’m avoiding…”

“You haven’t even had dinner with me for the past week.”

“It’s something else”

“Then tell me!”

His eyes went to his legs and you understood. You let him stay silent for a moment, to not disturb his sadness.

“I won’t love him or her any less”

“But maybe **I** will.”

His answer broke your heart for a second.

“You won’t… This time, it’ll be different.”

“I don’t want to see myself in our child, I don’t…”

“Don’t say that. I thought you were happy about it, for nine months…”

“I am happy, happy of having you, happy for our future. But I don’t want my child to suffer like I did”

“You don’t think I’m afraid of it too?” You’ve thought about it, often even. You’d love him or her regardless, but you knew how, even as a king, even as a man you loved, Ivar suffered because of his deformities, how it kept him from grander things he wanted.

“So, you’ve seen it? You’ve kept it for yourself?”

“No. I haven’t seen anything not about me and not about this. But… I have seen your past, I have seen your pain and as a mother, I don’t know what I would be able to do to help”

“Me neither”

“We’ll have to find out together then, no matter the cost, I want us to make sure it will be all fine in the end”

You pressed your forehead against his, wanting so much to prepare better, to reassure him. But you knew no matter the pain, no matter the fear, you would care for them until your last breath.

\--

Your scream pierced through the rainy night, losing itself in the thunder. The pain was unlike anything you ever felt before and there was blood, oh so much blood. You’d seen your mother give birth, but it had never looked like this. You’d seen cleaner murders. The pain had lingered for so long now, it seemed like you’d seen every color of the sky through the window. As if the gods were laughing at your misery the thunder was almost in sink with your pain, every contraction a lighting bold in the night.

You saw two women whispering to each other in the corner of the room, while another one was putting a wet cloth on your forehead. Their faces were worried, more than they should be.

“What is it?” you asked in between two breath.

One of them left and as you screamed again, one who stayed took your hand.

“You have to breathe my queen, don’t forget.”

Following her advice, you tried to do so but it felt like a knife was carving your inside. “Get it out of me, please!”

Once again, the look that they shared was full of worry.

When the door opened, it was the healer, she was holding something in her hand, but your blurry vision was preventing you from understanding what it was. She kneeled on the bed and lifted your skirt, looking at the source of this miserable night. Soon after, she took your hand.

“You’ll need to push, **hard**!”

You did so, screaming at the top of your lounges, trying to find some strength in your voice. Taking a break, you realized how exhausted you were.

“My queen, it’s not over yet, please, push again”

“I can’t” you started to cry.

“Yes, you can”

“It hurts too much”

“If you don’t, the child will die and so will you”

The push you gave in respond was weak even if it was all you had. Your vision was blurry, blurrier than it was in normal days. But the knife she was holding was now clear. The inevitable conclusion was made quickly in your head. Gods had left and you would die.

“I don’t want to die” you cried.

“Then you need to push”

You just wished your mother was here.

You just wished your sister was here.

You just wished Ivar was here.

“Where’s my husband?”

“Who?”

“I need him” you sobbed, the tears mixing with the sweat on your face.

“You have no one (Y/N).”

Suddenly, the room was empty, and the pain was gone, only a hole was left where you heart used to be. You watched yourself from above and the knife was in your hand. There was no child.

“(Y/N)!”

You gasped for air as you woke up, your husband holding you by your shoulders. Your face was wet from tears and sweat. You were hot, incredibly hot and his eyes were full of worry. But you were alive, and you weren’t alone.

“Where, I don’t…” your voice was panicked, more than you were.

“You just had a bad dream. You’re okay!”

“I am” you crept your hand to your belly, scared of what you would find but everything was normal. “I am”

“I’m right here” he held you close to him and you laid your head on his chest, trying to fall asleep as you concentrated on his beating heart and his calming breath

\--

“He was ugly, and cryptic…” Hvitserk said, his eyes focusing on the piece of wood he was carving.

It was rare, those moments. You’d spoken to him often, sure, but alone, rarely. Today, you happened to be the only ones in the hall, and even if you’d finish to eat breakfast for an hour now, the conversation you had didn’t. He brought you a perspective on the one before you.

“But you respected him?”

“Of course, everyone did. He was almost like a god for most people.”

“Like me” you raised your eyebrow in a joking matter.

“Didn’t say he was for me.”

You laughed and he smiled at you. His smile reminded you that he used to be weary of you, used to be ready to end you in an instant if only Ivar had ordered it. I guess not anymore.

“Is it better? easier I mean?”

“A little, visions are clearer, and I’m not as confused as I used to be.”

“But?”

“There’s no but”

“You’re telling me that after being mauled by a bear, this is only a blessing?”

If only it was.

You managed to smile, did your best not to look at your hands but there seemed to be a glimpse of doubt behind his eyes.

“Fortunately” You caressed your belly, finding comfort in this lie.

“I, for one, think you’re doing a good job. People love you, more than the last queen and in some ways more than the last seer. I know I do” it was the best compliment he ever gave you.

“Hope you’re not just saying that, so you earn favor from the gods.”

“I’m not that stupid.”

You chuckled and it became calm. The ambiance was so soft, like snow in a hot morning. As most things are, it wasn’t eternal, and the snow became blood. It was dripping down your leg and when you looked down and felt a cramp in the lower half of your abdomen you knew that nothing would be calm anymore, not for a while.  
  



	28. Stained

[Day 631 – Spring]

Pain like a wave or thunder. Like hale and hot oil on the skin. Quick or lasting, few pauses in between, flashes of warmth in the body like a fire burning in hot summer. A battlefield of the organs, a bloodbath of creation, pain like Jesus Christ himself dreaded, like the three days Baldr laid in, unable to move, doomed till the end.

The bear was easy, he was quick.

This was long, hours, days, weeks, years. This felt like an eternity laying in this bed, the only feeling was one of suffering and loneliness in it. People trying to make you feel better, overwhelming caring and making it worse. Caressing your arm, dropping wet towels on your forehead. Ivar anxiously waiting in the corner, looking from time to time at you and seemingly lost in his inability to act.

“Breathe (Y/N), calmly now” her voice was calm but not calming. A spiced tea that burned your tongue before drinking. You wanted to scream away the pain but the only thing you would get out of it was a sore throat and a quiet room.

At least it wasn’t like your nightmare, not yet anyway. The weather was good, and the women were still looking hopeful. Just to be sure, between two contraction you asked them for him.

“Ivar, I need my husband”

He rushed by your side and with his fingers brushed the hair stuck to your forehead. He then took your hand and you tried to find comfort in his eyes. He looked like the day he saw you after the wolves bit you. Worries and love.

“It hurts…” you whimpered; he squeezed your finger ever so lightly.

“You’ll be okay” The crack in his voice was the furthest from comforting.

There was a knock on the door and one of the women went to answer, opening the door just a little, you tried to see who it was but you were pushed back by another contraction and you held yourself, containing your screams.

“My king…”

He hesitated but eventually walked to the door, he was whispering with the man. The conversation turned more intense, he looked angry.

“What is it?”

Ivar was silent, his hand was on the door, he gave you one last look before running out. You wanted to scream at him to come back.

“What is it? Where is Ivar going?” The two women gave each other a look and you could feel your skin dissolve. They were worried now.

One of them went to the window and pushed out the blinds so that some wind could come in and refresh you. At the same time rain started to slowly pour out of the grey sky. You screamed at the wave of pain, letting the frustration blend in.

“You’ll soon be ready to push, don’t hold back, you need to be strong!”

“I can’t!” you tried to get on your feet, thinking how bad of a moment it was, how scary it would be if your nightmare was to come true, if it was a vision, if it was a prediction. A knife was to cut open your insides and you’d lose everything. No, no you couldn’t.

“Sit down my queen!” they pushed you back by your shoulder and the tears started to drop. The rain outside was getting worse.

“Please, let me see my husband, Please!”

“He’ll be back soon, do not worry yourself, there’s only you to care for now.” As the woman tried to comfort you the younger one had the truth splattered on her face. Her anxiety was showing, she was an open book and you could understand everything.

“You” you looked right into her eyes. “tell me where’s he’s gone.”

She stayed silent and you raised your voice “Tell me!”

Her mouth opened but she was stopped by the strict gaze of the older one. Intimidated she went back to the water, to wet the towel for your head.

Your head flew back to the pain. One of them went to explore your lower half and she said in an excited voice: “It’s time to push now, as soon as you feel like you need to!”

And she was right, and it was now, you screamed, almost relieved to know it was over.

Because if it wasn’t a nightmare, it was almost done. Pushing was the last thing to do. As a thunder strike roared, you pushed the hardest you could, feeling an immense pressure at the bottom of your belly.

“Good! You’re doing so good!”

Even if her encouragement was welcomed, it was the face of the younger girl you were searching for, the truth It hid, the power it held. She was still anxious and avoiding your gaze. As another thunder struck, she jumped.

“Again!” you pushed, one of the three holding your feet as you did.

You took a breath, a pause to gain strength. A scream from outside disturbed you all and now the worry had grown in all of them.

“Can someone tell me what’s going on!”

“Don’t worry yourself, push!”

You pushed and the screaming got more intense, the thunder roared with the people’s fear and your agony. You never wanted your visions more than now, to know what was this outside.

“There’s the head!”

The younger one took your arm and rejoiced. “It’s almost over my queen! One last push!”

A loud knock on the door, one that couldn’t possibly be made by someone with good intention made her turn her eyes with fear.

You pushed, she was right, the baby slipped right out, but the knocking made it hard to rejoice. You breathed out, exhausted and hot, sore and burning. You extended your arm for your crying miracle, wanting so much to hold it for the first time.

The door went flying and the younger one screamed out of fear. The older woman was holding on your baby close to her chest, its crying piercing in the room. A man entered, an angry look on his face. You felt too weak to ask anything, all your strength concentrated on your newborn in another woman’s arm.

“You!” he pointed at you with a dark look on his face. “Come with me!”

“No. She’s not” Your view got clouded by her figure, and you couldn’t ear anything else. But, even behind blurry eyes you saw that he was holding a knife. Normally a bad man with a knife was a given but this was Viking land. They usually had swords or axe, not knife.

“Take her” the younger one took your child with careful hand and gave it to you. You couldn’t even appreciate its warmth, the tension in the room keeping your gaze from moving.

“She is not leaving this room with you”

“Which one of you is going to stop me?”

“I …” he charged into her and ripped in her belly. Her guts splattered on the floor with a watery sound, the shock had your mouth open, looking for air. The other one screamed loudly, louder than your child, covering her eyes by turning to you.

You wanted to ask him who he was, by what violent way he was raised to act like this. What was his motivation, why did he ask for you, not Ivar, not Ubbe, not Hvitserk not anyone else? You wanted to thrust into the years the gods gave to you, to their protections, their importance but the hope was gone. Only fear. No words. Only shock.

“I don’t want to kill you but if you stop me, I will”

She was petrified, seeing her whole life before her eyes, all her decisions and the next. She was a slave’s daughter, a couple of years ago, one of the pig farmer’s daughter had took a liking to her and bought her freedom. As a free woman she found joy in midwife work and had become an apprentice to the now deceased Auki.

You wondered later If her decision had been simple.

Seeing as she didn’t move, the man pushed her aside and her head hit the wall with a loud noise. Of which made your child scream loudly.

“Who are you?”

He did not answer but his eyes were full of tear. When he touched your arm, the visions were black and tasted like iron.

A boy burning and looking directly into your eyes, you remembered him. He wasn’t looking at the seer, he was looking at you. his pain transcending the guilt you felt. he wasn’t alone, they were three. But it was him who caught you off guard, unlike the others, he seemed to be pleading for you to do something, for you to stop this misery.

The worst part is that you probably could have.

But he burned alive and his screams blended in with your newborn’s. He was his father and he asked for nothing but to let him leave the town, but Ivar refused, he only cursed his insolence and executed him without any mercy. All of it in your name.

He took your kid and you went back to reality. He unveiled the blanket keeping her warm and his eyes got even sadder. You wanted to jump out but feared what he would do.

“It’s a beautiful little girl.”

Your hands were shaking, and you grabbed the mattress to keep them from moving.

“Please, give her back.”

He was cradling her with confidence, he’d done it before, there was love in his touch but while one arm was holding her tight, getting her to calm down, his other was holding a knife.

“Give my baby back” your voice cracked, it was all black in your mouth and you knew that your tears must be too.

“I need to do this.”

“No, no you don’t” as you moved on the bed, he gripped his weapon with more strength, and you stopped. “Ivar will kill you if you do”

“And I’ll kill myself if he doesn’t. It’s not death I fear, All I want is to hurt him.”

“Then take me! Leave my little girl alone, I’ll give my life gladly for her”

“I could kill both.”

He took no joy in saying this. He was no murderer; he was a simple man. Known for his woodcarving skills and gentle voice. His wife had died at childbirth and he had no family left. Only his son, and now Ivar had burned him alive, and you remembered too how you tried to ignore that the man you loved smiled for most of it.

“Let me at least hold her before, I’ll tell the gods a good word for you”

He contemplated your offer and ultimately gave her to you. You stared at her blue eyes and kissed her little forehead. Hugging her to your chest, covering her eyes from the brutality of the scene, you starred at him. You would not die looking at the ground.

He fell, an axe in his back.

Rooinn cried but you couldn’t.


	29. Rooinn

[Day 631- spring]

It wasn’t Ivar who saved you, it wasn’t Ubbe, Hvitserk or any of your friends. It was one of the shieldmaiden from Ivar’s army. She had no emotions on her face when she saw you, no sympathy, no empathy. Your body was hurting all over, your face white and your mouth black. Your remaining eye would not stop starring at the dead man, at his pain and his desire to cause more.

“She’s okay!” she screamed, and more people went in. Maybe you would have thanked her, if you didn’t know better. But you did.

Someone who was here before came in and she wanted to look at you, at your child, at the things that remained to be done. But you refused. She had to cut the cord with a knife further away because you wouldn’t let her be closer. It was misery like in that church not too long ago.

The empty bellied woman laying on her chest, the blood a pool near the bed. Her mouth was open and so were her eyes, one of them was soaked in red, making her look what she wasn’t, evil.

The other girl had left, after he hit her on the head, she crawled out but there was still blood on the wall.

And the man had an axe in his back. An axe that looked like every axe, a banality in the face of sadness.

You saw every dead person, every sacrifice, every pain.

Down your legs, there was a lot of blood, too much. It didn’t seem to be stopping and yet your child was already here. There wasn’t supposed to be this much blood. But you ignored it, you didn’t want to know why it was still bleeding, why you weren’t okay.

“The work’s not done (Y/N)”

She looked angrily at the many men and women walking around the room, without any respect for you or the deceased.

“There’s more to push out” she sighed when she saw that you still wouldn’t give Rooinn to her. As she lifted your legs back up to study the massacre between your thighs, it felt as thought they were all locking eyes on you.

_You did this._

_You did this to us._

_You did this._

“Push!”

You did and cried, sobbed. Like a little kid whose toy had been taken away. Rooinn wasn’t crying anymore and her warmth, her little finger looking for your face, her pale little hair on the top of her head, were all that was keeping you from dying right now.

The woman tossed in a bucket the placenta. She wanted to leave; she knew she was no help anymore.

“Please. Before you go, cover them.”

She did, took a blanket and covered them, the blood still staining the fabric little by little.

“Your husband will come to you shortly.”

“Tell him her name is Rooinn”

Bloodstained, red.

“Tell them all.”

As she nodded, she left with one last look to the blanket that covered the woman.

\--

“She’s gorgeous”

Dangerous, strong.

“Are you disappointed she’s not a boy?”

He frowned, his fingers caressing her head softly.

“How could I be, she’s my little miracle.”

She’s healthy, neither deformed nor stillborn.

The removed the corpses and changed the sheets. Washed you and her, and calm had come back. They explained to you that the man burned a large portion of the winter’s crop and killed a guard and that’s why Ivar had been called out. They believed that it was the work of a rival village, but the lone man was just a father.

“How are you feeling?”

The question took you by surprise and it felt like a buzzing sound had stopped, one that you only noticed in the absence of.

“I’m fine.” But your eyes were dead and your voice low.

“I’m sorry I left, I thought…”

“It wasn’t your fault today. Your fault was months ago.”

“What do you mean?”

You took back Rooinn and got her closer to your breast, having her feed on your left side.

“Your burned that boy alive and his father had to sit there and watch”

“Are you kidding me? He defied your name; I did this for you!”

“You did this for yourself, you did this because you thought that cruelty is the only thing that they would hear. And I let you, that’s the worst of it.” Your distain was coming through your pinched lips.

“I won’t sit there and do nothing when people talk about you this way”

“Maybe you should. Because she almost died because of it, me too.” But you knew that you wouldn’t have died, not like this, not for a man and his selfish desire.

He had no answer for you.

“Where are they? The dead.”

“I have his head on a spike and send some of my men burn the rest. For the woman I don’t know…”

“Stop them. I want them to have a Viking’s funeral.”

“The people…”

“No. Not the people. It’s you that wont like it, if you love me, if you love her, you’ll do it.”

His patience was tested more than his love. When he went without a word, his fingers slowly letting go of yours, you were still unsure if he would listen to you.

In the empty room you now were able to breathe and for the first time you felt like a mother, she was suckling on your breast, one hand pressing on your chest. You smiled at her, observing that little child in your arms.

“Don’t forget me my sweet girl, I’m your mother and I always will be. I’ll love you in pain and happiness, in good and bad, in your love and hate. Wherever you end up, wherever you decide to go, whoever you love, whoever you hate, I’m there.”

\--

It took three bows to burn the boats. Ivar missed the first time and you knew that it was purely out of spite. You’d seen him shoot with an arrow before, he would’ve never missed this shot. The judgement in your eyes made him reconsidered and the man’s boat was set aflame soon after, he didn’t miss the woman’s boat.

With Rooinn in your arm, you observed as their souls were guided to the new world, transported by the black smoke. It was the first time she was out to the world, presented to the others and her being here while the man that attempted to murder her was being given one last kindness in death was telling a lot to the people. Rooinn would forever be associated with the bloodstain on her heart and those that come close to endanger her. She will be kind, but she will be ruthless if need be. A slave’s daughter, a king’s heir, a gift to the wounded, a danger to the fearless.

You were the first to leave the cost to go to the central place and like a calm river, the people followed you. A wave of silence and mourning behind you, stuck inside their own fear and mortality. The sun crept up behind the grey sky, as the wind pushed the clouds aside, its rays shone in the face of those who wept alongside the gods.

You turned to the people, observing their patience. They were waiting for you to say something. **You**.

“Brave people! You’ve grown from hating me, to accepting me and for this, I will forever be grateful. I have let horrible things happen in my name and I want to tell you that it will never happen anymore, not whilst I’m alive!” you had their devoted attention and for the first time since you arrived, you were the one responsible for your destiny in this. A small gift of power and independence. “I have sat right here, in this spot, while people were burned alive and I will never blame a father for wanting revenge. But I am still alive, and I am still your queen today. Do not confuse my kindness to weakness, as is my daughter’s name, those who hurt us will know the color of their blood, we will bathe in it if needs be. And therefore, after we’ve made sure the one who sacrificed themselves are closer to the gods, I present her to you all.” You lifted her little frame to them all, their eyes following with admiration. “All hail the king’s daughter, Rooinn the bloody!”

The people screamed and rejoiced. Men and women both empowered by the knowledge that their kingdom had a new beginning.

In the crowd, Ivar was looking at you in silence, overpowered by the sea of people just waiting for a chance to catch a glimpse of her. He loved you, he would die for you, but the sheer realisation that as their admiration for you arose, their distain for him also did, was soul crushing.


	30. A future for someone else

[Day 685 - Summer]

Rooinn was probably the calmest baby you’d ever known. She didn’t cry, only when she was hungry, and she didn’t complain. It was so easy being her mom you almost thought you were doing something wrong. She was such a pride to have and to show, her full cheeks and round face a joy for the morning and the night.

But you weren’t happy, not as you should.

And you weren’t sad.

The nothingness and the black inside your throat were more intense than before, as if her presence in you had stopped most of it, and now, it was coming back with a violence. You knew what to do, what to feel but it wasn’t has instinctive as before. Scenes that should make you feel warmth and love still did, but not as strongly and that was a misery.

“You’ll be a fighter now that’s for sure”

Coming in the room after a bath Ivar was holding her on his lap, her hand grabbing his finger with the strength she had.

“She’s strong, isn’t she?”

You smiled at him and her. Who could have tell that this man was scared of having a child just months before, and now, he was a wonderful father. He kissed her cheek and then you took her in your arms, walking to her own little bed.

“Time for bed now.” You kissed her forehead and crawled beside Ivar.

Both of you were looking at her from were you were, not a word needing to be said.

“Do you really think she’ll be a fighter?”

“With a name like that she doesn’t have a choice, she has to”

You chuckled and he kissed your neck.

“You’ll be too protective for her to be, I’m sure”

“I’m not so sure, I’d love for her to join me in the battlefield, it’s you that will try to stop me”

You were tired of lying. But you were afraid.

“I won’t. All I want is for her to do what she likes, no matter what it is.”

She could be anything at all, as long as she was happy. You knew Ivar had similar intentions, but he was a man, one with ambitions and care that might not align with hers. It would be your mission from now till your disappearance to make sure she was shielded from him if needs be. In no way she would have to marry, to fight, to kill, to hate, to love when it was against her will, that it was the promise you would give her.

He was the man you loved, he was the father she had but unlike you, if she chose to leave him, leave here, she will be able to. Because Ivar wasn’t easy to love and if given the chance earlier, before you were in love, you wouldn’t be here.

But he didn’t need to know that.

And you loved him now and for you, it was enough. 

\--

“Why does it have to be me?”

The figure did not move.

You saw a reflection of in the mud, being dragged beside your cries. Screaming as the men you’d see many times after were raping you. Your mother’s face being cut in half by Ivar’s axe. Your sister being punched in the face and crying with a bloody nose and broken cheek. False memories to make you want to leave.

“I hate you for what you are doing to me.” You tried to stay strong in his presence, but it was too much, it was all too much. You fell on your knees, the tears streaming down your face. “I don’t want to die”

The figure got bigger, but you did not react, only following him with your eyes.

“Please, don’t kill me”

Now it was true, you had a reason to stay, many reasons. Your home was here, and your love was here, now that you had to stay, you didn’t want to die, not now, not soon. To leave those you love and yet to be forced to stay, for your body to be forever a reminder of that person they knew until they themselves disappeared. Cruel, horrible.

As if the gods understood, Freyja appeared and dried your tears with her soft finger.

“They’re going to be okay.” She stayed there, her face a calm reminder that it was too late now.

A child began to cry for his mother, and you woke up from this nightmarish reality.

You picked her up, your hands shaking.

“it’s okay Rooinn, don’t cry” you kissed her little forehead and she calmed a little. “Mommy’s here”

You sat down and rocked her slowly, watching her blue eyes. She yawned and you smiled at her.

“In the grey night I will be the sun, in the hot summer day I will be the ocean. Don’t worry my baby because I’ll always be there to comfort you.”

Touching her you couldn’t see into her future, you couldn’t see into her past and a tear streamed down your cheek, but you stayed smiling. All you knew is that you wouldn’t be able to see it, not today, not even later.

The only comfort was knowing that her breath was calm and her sleep peaceful, even if it was just for tonight. Even if yours wasn’t.

\--

Now, you had a guard and a midwife present at the councils. She would pass you Rooinn whenever she needed to eat but most of the time, she would take care of her as to not let yourself be distracted from the gods talk.

Bad news wouldn’t affect you as much and when they did, you saw black and felt it ooze out your wounded eye. Even if no one would see it, you knew it was there.

She had a limp, and a scar on the side of her head.

When she arrived on the spot most stopped to best see you, she kept going, approaching Rooinn. Still, she was at a safe distance. “How is she doing my queen?”

“Very well. Thanks to you.”

She felt guilty about crawling out in fear, she felt guilty about not trying to stop him enough, she felt guilty about not being dead, about leaving her mentor bleed out on the ground.

“Would you like to hold her?”

She nodded, biting her lips. Shyly she approached and the midwife gave your kid into her arms.

“She’s beautiful”

“You don’t have to feel guilty about yourself. She is alive and so am I, at the end of the day it’s all that matters.”

“I hid…”

“For two days, I know. They know. They are proud of you.”

Her eyes were wet with tears.

“It is a courageous thing to be alive you know that? Your life is far from over, do not coward in fear for you have so many things left for you, so many battles and choices to come. You’ll be tempted to do nothing but, do not fear, in the end the gods will open up their walls for their places are warm when the earth is fire and the heart ice.”

“But I’m nothing, I’m barely a free woman”

“Then why did you come to see me?” You knew she didn’t really know. You knew it wasn’t only guilt but it wasn’t just curiosity. “Ragnar used to be a simple man, so did I. Rare are those like us and yet, the gods know. They met Solveig before you even knew your own name.”

Rooinn held her little hands to her face, almost as if she recognized one of the women that was in the room, the ones who gave her name. At the mention of her name the girl’s eyes changed.

“I wanted to see her… make sure she was alive.”

“Do not lie to me, lying to me in this place is lying to yourself and there’s no need for that. Now give her to me and go, I’ve already told you enough”

A light was radiating from her and it was strange, she was one of the first of her kind. Most people did not glow, most people did not make the gods scream. Her presence was refreshing in the silence of the last months.

\--

“I met back with the girl that was there when Rooinn was born.” You were carelessly unbraiding your hair, your back turned to him naked on the bed.

“Who?”

“She met me in the hall, during the councils.” you didn’t bother reminding him who she was because he wouldn’t have remembered anyway. “She’s special, this girl, you should keep an eye on her”

“Good special? Or bad special?”

“I don’t know, I’d say good but who am I to say good from bad.”

You could tell he was annoyed but you didn’t care for now. His ego was hurt way too often for it to make you care today.

“Make her be a caretaker for Rooinn”

“No! I don’t know her! Neither do you, I’m not letting my child in the care of a strange girl”

“You worry too much” you turned your body to him, and your breath was cut short when your eyes got caught in the outline of his muscles. The scars on his chest and arm and the candlelight dancing on it.

“I prefer to have her with me, on the battlefield, than with strangers”

His logic was extremely flawed, but you were a woman and right now the words where coming through one ear and getting out the other. You hadn’t been touched by him since Rooinn was born and you hadn’t felt how much you ached for it until this night.

When you got up you lifted your dress on top of your head, revealing your body to him. His eyes explored what you offered with the same hunger as the first time. Only now there was only time and no rage. Slowly, one foot in front of the other, you made your way next to him. Getting on top while he kept his hands away from your body, to make sure he would have it slowly, an inch at a time. A whisper slowly getting to a scream.

You licked his lip and he smiled, his fingers caressing your thighs. One of his hand moved to your crotch, two fingers touching the source of all your pleasures, smiling when you let out a moan. You felt him hardening under the covers and when you wanted to deliver him, get him out of his misery, he slipped the two fingers inside of you. Curling them toward your belly, your breath stopping as to not scream in pleasure.

“Please…”

“Not yet.” He turned, having you on your back, his face at your breast. He kissed your nipples, biting into one just a little. He left a trail of wet kisses on your belly, stopping then, going again on the inside of your thighs.

“I missed this”

He licked your clit slowly. Painfully slowly. “If I could, I’d stay here forever, between your legs” His eyes alone looking up at you were enough to make you so wet it was dripping down his chin.

His tongue did the work you’d forgotten. It felt so good now that you missed it, the pleasure sending waves inside.

Usually, in moments like this, when his body was the only think you could care for, you wouldn’t let yourself finish until he was inside of you, as his manhood was what you were aching for. But this night he was determinate to have it his way, his forearm pressing down your belly while the other hand was holding your thigh in place.

Over his shoulders, as he liked it.

When he finally went faster it was so quick you got surprised by it, you curled your head back into the pillow, your whole body shaking with pleasure, a muffled scream escaping your lips.

He then crawled back to your face, a satisfied look on his. He planted a kiss on your lips, you tasted yourself on his tongue, a proof of what he could do and what he will do again.


	31. Cursed Happiness for the History of Men

[Day 1103 – Autumn]

A year had pass, the nights were darker and the days greyer, your eyesight was better than you would have thought it would be beside the situation. Rooinn was still sweet but her temper started to grow now that she was a little older. The people felt a connexion to her and would sometimes come to you for council only to have their attention all directed toward her sleeping body.

You’d made the girl your nanny.

Solveig was wonderful with Rooinn and you could tell that she carried her task with pride, protecting your daughter as fiercely as if she was her own. The aura only got stronger with time and light would blind you when she came into the room, shielding Rooinn from even being seen by you, only calming down once she was in your arms.

For a couple of weeks now, you felt different, more vibrant, the emotions were stronger. Love and sorrow more in one in your head and your heart. You held Ivar more closely when you slept and watch Rooinn with more love in your eyes.

You had a feeling of what it could be but you didn’t even want to believe it, because if it was it, there would be no way of hiding what was going to happen to you, you wouldn’t be able to bare it alone. You needed an old friend and that was why in this day you walked to Floki’s cabin, Rooinn carried on your back with something Solveig fastened for you. The walk was long, and it felt weird to do it alone completely out of your own free will.

When he saw you, he was so happy he drowned you with love, holding you close and in the process saying hi to your daughter. Almost as if he was her own father she felt at peace in his arms and he would watch her with so much calmness in his eyes.

“How are you?”

“I’m Floki, how else could I be” You chuckled and lowered your eyes. “How bout’ you?”

“If I’m being honest, I’m not doing too good.” There was no use keeping an act, it would end up in the same place anyway.

“How so?”

“I think I might be pregnant again”

“And why does it make you sad?”

“You know why…” And he did but thinking about it was too painful for him, so he hid what he knew, even to you. “I have so little time already with her… If I’m right, I won’t even get to know my child before I’ll disappear”

“Did you tell Ivar already?”

“No. I’m afraid that if I tell him one thing the other will come out.”

“Do you prefer him knowing when it’s too late?”

Too late. When was that? When would be the moment where everyone could say it was too late? Would it be when you wouldn’t talk on your own? Would it be when you will be blind? Would it be when the black bile in your throat would burn your words?

When will you know when the four years will be through? Even you couldn’t answer that.

“What do you want me to do? I’m lost.”

You sniffled, finding joy in the face of Rooinn playing with Floki’s beard.

“I can’t have what I want so why do you ask me?”

“Because you’re one of the only one who knows, and I love you and you care for me.”

“Do you want this child”

“Should I?” you did. You wanted a big family, one to drown with love and to carry the name of the man you loved. One to feed and to take care of. But you had four years, that’s all. And more than half of it was already behind you.

“Yes.” He sighed. “Or no. But it’s the gods and they’re not always just. But they’re right, and if you are to deliver this child there is a good reason”

“I just wish my children could know how much I love them before I’m gone” There was a ball at the back of your throat and when Rooinn moved a bit it was like a string was pulled out your eye, tears flooding on your cheeks.

Floki approached and with a finger whipped them, the black liquid staining his fingers.

“They don’t even let me cry without reminding me who I belong to” you wanted to scream and curse but it was only sadness that weighted you, too heavy to fight.

“They will know. And they will be great. Rooinn will be the best shieldmaiden this world will even know and will run Kattegat after her father. Your other child will be a conqueror and will take over Paris like Ivar and Ragnar wanted, destroying the Christians and taking all.”

It was nice of him but that wasn’t the future you wished for them. Great men and great women aren’t happy, they aren’t loved or loving. Most of them suffer for their greatness, only good for a minute before the weight of what they had to pay for what they have crushes them.

“Floki?”

“What?”

“Will you promise me that you won’t let Ivar hurt them?”

“Why would he?”

“Just promise me”

He nodded and that was the comfort you took out of this.

\--

You knew it was time, the thing you dreaded as soon as you were touched by that damn bear. A second burning knife to your eye, only this time, it was sharper and far hotter. That’s why you were looking down at your finger even before he entered the room.

“Hello, my love” he gave you a quick kiss on the temple after laying himself on the bed. Working on taking out his braces without more thoughts. “I’ve met with someone to help me with the attack on Paris.”

“who?”

“A soldier who fought with my father many years ago. He stayed behind in Paris because he was wounded and promised to one day come back with knowledge of the place. Well, it’s now.”

“That’s…” Actually good. For him at least, you hated to think of wars and such but from his stand point, this was the best thing to happen.

“Which mean that once winter is through, I’ll go and win the town.”

“Not now Ivar.”

“What? Again? You’ve never even told me why I shouldn’t go, I’ll stop listening to you if it’s that way, everything is at the right place right now, there’s no reason to wait for an attack!”

“I’m pregnant again.”

His chest raised as air filled him without getting out. A smile was drawn as if he’d already forgotten the frustration he was expressing just seconds ago.

“Are you sure.”

“Most likely.”

He took you in his arm and you couldn’t react in the right way. You couldn’t rejoice as he did because it was the time to end it all, to reveal what he didn’t know he would fear.

“You don’t look happy?” his disappointment was closer to confusion than sadness.

“I’m happy… believe me”

“what is it? this is an amazing news! you should be excited right now!”

“I should, I know!” your tone was angrier than you’d hope.

“We should scream the news…”

“Ivar you don’t understand. It’s not that I’m unhappy, it’s that I’m sorry. Sorry for our children, sorry for you, sorry for me.”

“Sorry? Why do you feel sorry? It’s a wonderful thing and you’re angry…”

“I’m dying.”

His eyes got dark and, unlike those who you told first, he didn’t seem to take it as a joke.

“Not right now but too soon. I won’t be here for his second anniversary that I’m sure of it.”

“When did you know”

“the bear. I knew then how long I had and now all I have is to wait.”

“Why wouldn’t you tell me” his voice cracked at the last part and your heart did too. His pain was what you were dreading the most, more than yours.

“Because of all of it, because it was no use. All it would bring is your pain and mine to see you so.”

You could tell he wanted to be angry, to smash his fist on the ground to kill whoever would dare to do so, to explode. But he did not.

“You can’t leave, you can’t leave me, I wont…”

“You’ll be fine, so will our children. You’ll have to be fine, for them.”

“Not you too” he cried, sitting on his spot, looking as scared as he was when his father died, when his mother died.

“Promise me Ivar…” you sniffled, holding his face in your hand to make him look into your eyes. “Promise me that for our children you will be fine…” the hardest was to admit the last part “For me, please.”

He agreed, but still, he cried and you too, your forehead pressed together until it was time to leave.

\--

Some days after, you went back to Floki and you told him that the deed was done. Now it was his time to go, you knew it. His work was done but he didn’t know.

Today you were grey and there was no use letting (Y/N) talk, fight, be.

“Thank you Floki. For everything you did for me.”

“And I’ll do much more!”

Your heart broke a little hearing that, there was nothing else to do for you. Soon, you would be completely gone and there was nothing you could do about that. Nothing he could do.

“You’ve already done more than enough. More than you even had to do.”

“I showed you the way and I could tell you more about the gods. Even if I don’t talk to them, I know them”

“It’s time for you to do what **you** want to do.”

“But… I don’t want to do anything”

“Yes, you do. You want to feel the ancient ways, to discover new places, god filled places.”

“Maybe but…”

“You did more than you had to do Floki.”

“What do you mean”

“You loved me. You didn’t have to, but you did and for that, I, not the gods, not the seer, Me, I am grateful”

“I don’t want to leave you.”

“I don’t want you to leave me either.’’ You had to take a breath before continuing, scared to start crying. ‘’But I prefer you to do it than you to see me disappear. You deserve that at least.”

You got on your knees in front of him, your eyes at his level.

“Maybe I’ll take a boat and go to another place, like you said.”

“You should.”

He looked sad, his eyes down. You wanted to comfort him, to tell him things that would help him but there was no truth better than the words you’d already spoken.

But some lies help.

“I saw Helga and your daughter, Angrborda.”

He lit up. “You did?”

“Yes, I had a vision last night. they’re so happy Floki and they can’t wait to see you again. But not right now, for now, they want you to be happy and there so much left for you.”

“I should then, be happy I mean.”

“Yes, you should” You squeezed his hand and walked toward the door.

“Helga would have loved you so much.”

You had to take a hold of the door. His words cutting right into your heart.

“She would love you like her own… Like I do”

Maybe it was the humanity of it that you dreaded so much because soon it would be gone and Floki would never know how much his words meant to you. How much it hurt to know how he felt.

“I love you Floki, we’ll see each other soon. Just not too soon.”

“I love you too”

Almost as if his words were black, you were blind to the last image of him, only having your imagination to make you believe what he looked like the last day.

Three days later, Floki left to find the land of Ice and volcanos, rocks and green. Lands of gods that come from cuts in the hand and the words of the fools. He only came back sometimes later to bring a couple of willing men and women to make the town he wanted.


	32. Sisters

[Day 1732 Spring]

_(One year and a half later…)_

__

“There’s a woman who wants to talk to you my queen”

You looked up from Sichfrith to meet the eyes of one of the slaves of your husband.

“Who?”

“I don’t know, she said she needs to see you, she’s at the docks.”

The slave was new, she’d just arrived from the east and she didn’t know anyone really. Solveig took your boy for you. You nodded at her and made the walk to the docks, a smile drawing on your lips when you imagined that it was Torvi or Lagertha coming to you again. You missed them, the friendship they gave you.

The moment you saw her, your heart stopped.

“Hi”

“Hi” you answered. She looked older, her hips wider and her face rounder but it was her. No doubt crossed your mind.

“How are you?” Margery’s chest lifted, and you understood that she was as stressed as you were, as overwhelmed.

“I’m good. How… How are you?”

“Good…” She bit her lip. “I’m pregnant.”

“Oh” You frowned but also smiled. “Who’s the father?”

“George, my husband. We met soon after I arrived back in England”

“I’m happy for you.” You wanted to hug her but was afraid that she would back away.

Rooinn ran up to you, hugging at your leg. “Mommy mommy! Come see what I found”

“Rooinn, go show your father, mommy is talking to someone.” You gave her a smile and she ran away to the hall to meet Ivar.

“You have a child now?”

“Two” You wanted so much for her to know more. “Rooinn is my little girl and my boy’s name is Sichfrith”

She smiled and you recognized her. You recognized the baby you helped raise, the little girl that would try to make you play with her every night, your sister that you loved.

“I missed you, so much”

Her eyes got wet with tears and you had to hug her.

Even if she was a woman now, she felt as small as the last time you saw her. You held her face in between your hands, looking at her, studying her. She was gorgeous, her hair cascading her shoulder shielded from the wind by the scarf she wore.

“I missed you too big sister.”

You stayed there, both smiling wide until Solveigh walked to you.

“My queen, you’re expected in the hall, Sichfrith needs you.”

“I’ll be right away, thank you”

Margery gave you a puzzled look. “Queen?”

“Yes. There’s a lot to talk about now. Come, I’ll introduce you to my family”

You took her hand and she followed you. “It has a nice ring to it. Queen (Y/N).”

“You think so?”

“Sounds weird, but I like it”

“Oh, believe me, it sounds weird to me too”

Inside your home, you took the little boy in your arm, and he stopped crying instantly. His sweet eyes reflecting the fireplace.

“Do you want to hold him”

“Of course!” she approached and took him.

She a natural. You remembered how she used to hold Philip, how she kissed his little forehead goodnight before giving him back to mother.

“How long are you staying”

“How long do you want me to stay?”

“You know that if it was me who decided, it would be forever! But I can’t ask you that”

“You’re a queen, are you not?”

“Yes, but not yours.”

You smiled at each other and she gave you back Sichfrith, you kissed him and sat down to rock him back to sleep.

“A month or two. I had to see if you were alive before I could continue the rest of my life” as she said it, she looked at her belly.

“I’m sorry I left.”

Regret took you in, thinking of how painful it must have been for her to be alone.

“I’m not angry with you”

“You should be”

“I mean… I was, but not anymore, not for a long time. Now I’m just glad that my big sister is alive” you were glad in return, glad that she didn’t curse you because she probably should have. The seer had to do what the seer had to do but (Y/N) was and is a sister, a mother, a wife before she is anything else.

“Tonight, have supper with us, we’ll talk about how everything you and I should know about each other.”

\--

_“I can’t do it anymore!”_

_Dimittri rolled his eye and took the ram back, continuing to paddle in the water._

_“You’ve almost done none of the work, I’m the one doing everything”_

_“I’m just a child”_

_Margery looked at the ocean, wondering how long it would be till they would see soil again._

_“How old are you anyway?”_

_“Thirteen”_

_It was silence again in the little boat. She broke it because she needed him to know: “Thank you, for helping me.”_

_He looked to be contemplating an answer, but none came, and the water stayed calmed for the day and a half that took them to find England land._

\--

“How is he now?”

She sighed, putting down the cup.

“He died not too long after we arrived.”

“it’s a shame. How did he die?”

“I’d love for it to have a great ending, him dying fighting, with courage and pride, that’s what he deserved. But no, a fever took him, and I think, even if he didn’t tell me, that he was truly terrified of dying.”

“I’m sorry”

“It’s okay, it was hard because he was all I had but, we managed to find a village before it happened, so I was safe, somewhat. But I did, in those few months, had just enough time to love him you know?”

“I’m sure he’s at peace now.”

“A reformed priest who sinned more as he free man than he did as a slave… I’m not so sure.”

“Maybe not then… but he can find peace knowing you are alive.”

“Maybe, maybe not. I have more to worry now. There’s my husband, my little one and you.”

You weren’t sure if you would find the courage in you to be truthful.

\--

Holding your knees between your arms, you looked at your sister, playing with your daughter from far away. Solveig was not far, rocking Sichfrith slowly in the sunlight. The thick liquid in the back of your throat felt almost warm now. There was no use fighting it anymore. Any human emotions would bring it inside you and would flow as you expressed it. You heard Ubbe approaching and he took place without a sound.

“How are you feeling today?”

“Not better, but not worse.”

He rubbed your back in a comforting gesture. They all knew now, even if Ivar never explicitly told you that he spread the news, you could see their sorry gaze every time you crossed path. 

“Have you talked to her about what’s going to happen to you”

“No, and I don’t want to.” You sighed. “I already did her so wrong, I don’t want to hurt her again”

“She deserves to know”

“I know”

He looked at her direction.

“I want you to make sure she’s safe. Either you or someone you trust, I want you to go back to England with her, make sure her husband is a good man and that she has everything she needs.”

“I can do that”

You laid your head on his shoulder, closing your eyes at all the images from his life filled you.

“Can you see something (Y/N)?”

“I see everything.”

“Is it nice, does it feel…” he didn’t know how to ask about your pain, and you didn’t really know how to answer, so you did your best.

“It is not meant for me, my body… I am becoming less and yet; I can still see and feel all what the new one does. It hurts but at the same time, it’s weirdly becoming calmer, almost comforting to feel this pain, as if it was an old friend that I don’t recognize anymore, opening his arms to me. Neither very painful nor sweet.”

“Can I help?”

You turned your face to look at him. “You had always a gentle heart Ubbe, more than most.”

\--

_“Why did you help me?”_

_“Because you asked”_

_“You didn’t have to”_

_“I was a slave and you were a free woman, I had to do what you asked”_

_“That’s all?”_

_The light of the fire was dancing on his face. Margery could see, in the darkness of his eyes all the sorrow of this broken man, all the doubts that led him right here and right now._

_“If I told you that you could do anything you wanted right now, anything at all, without any consequences, what would you do?”_

_“I wouldn’t do anything because I’m not free.”_

_“Oh please, there must be something. I don’t believe you are as empty of dreams has you say”_

_“I’m not empty of dreams, I’m empty of ambitions, it’s different”_

_“Not to me”_

_“That’s because you are a child”_

_“I would go to a small town and breed horses. Sell them to voyagers and such. That’s what I would do”_

_“Why don’t you”_

_“Because I am a child still… And, I am poor, and I have this old crook who keeps weighing me down with his sad temper”_

_“I am the one keeping you from your freedom’s dream?” as he said it he rolled his eyes._

_“The least of it but one thing nonetheless.”_

_“Then kill me.” His face was stern, his expression unfazed._

_“Why would I?” the thoughts of it more violent than the act itself._

_“I am your slave; all you need is a sharp knife and hard hit and I wouldn’t stop you”_

_“You are not my slave”_

_“Am not?”_

_“You are…”_

_My friend._

_My protector._

_All I have._

_“You are Dimittri, nothing more and nothing less. A free man, a reformed priest and an old crook who’s always grumpy”_

_He smiled at the last part and she realized it was the first time she’s seen him smile since they met._

And how did it hurt when his soul left, and she was alone.

How she wished so much to thank him today.

\--

“What happened, the night you disappeared?”

You sighed, trying to find an answer that would make even an inch of sense.

“I don’t know…”

“Where did you go?”

“I found a man in the forest, his name is Floki, he helped me in a way that… I can’t explain.”

“I must meet this man then!”

It hit you now that there was no coming back. None, she was completely gone for you, soon you’ll be a memory, nothing more. Your children will have Ivar, Ivar will have his brothers but her, here, her past, there was going to be, once again, no one.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea, he’s not too keen on…”

“Christians?” You sighed but rejoiced when her smile didn’t fade. “I didn’t expect to even see you when I came here, and I told myself that if I were to, I wouldn’t even recognize you. But I do and that’s all that matter, so don’t be scared to tell me things, good and bad, I’ll take them.”

“You were always too mature for your own good”

Her shy smirk made her look younger.

“Can I ask something else?”

“Yes?”

“What happened to your eye? From what I recall it was there last time I saw you”

You laughed and braced yourself to reveal more than what she bargained for.

“A bear.”

“A bear?”

“A huge white bear, attacked me and took my eye with him.”

“What the…”

“I killed him!”

“What?” she almost screamed.

“Well… not really, but it’s more fun to say I did. The truth is more complicated.”

“It always is.”

You didn’t want to break her smile, to tell her what she was to know. Ubbe was right, she deserves to know but maybe not today. Maybe tomorrow, maybe on the last day. But not today.

\--

_“Do you think, if she’s alive, that she misses me?”_

_He dropped the wood he found for the fire and a dust cloud elevated from the ground._

_“Why does it matter what I think…” She rolled her eyes, helping him place the wood for the fire. “If you were in her place, would you miss her?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Then she misses you”_

_She wanted so much to believe it, to believe she was alive and thinking of her as Margery did, hoping to be reunited and close again._

_Maybe she would be and then life will be better._

_Maybe._


	33. The deathbed run

[Day 1754 - Summer]

  
The days were almost through. You could feel it in your chest, feel it in your guts. Black bile and visions, touches were you only contact with the world, as were the feelings. But the fear of leaving everyone behind was far greater than any else. Not love, not happiness.

You’d spent many nights arguing about it with Ivar, as if any of you could change the way things were.

“It’s starting to get hard to see what is real and what the gods are wanting me to see. My vision is almost gone…” You took a pause, trying not to cry. “I can’t really see you right now. But when you talk, I can see bits from your story.”

You knew he was curious, but he didn’t ask further. Seeing was not telling, telling was not caring.

“Please hold me and make me feel home because I can’t right now. I need to feel like myself before I go, like I am loved and I’m still at the farm before you ripped my life apart.” Because anger was less and wouldn’t burn your throat as much as sadness did. Because Thor allowed those talks and those frustrations.

“(Y/N)…”

“No, Ivar, please. This is me. Please, let me have this truth and let me lay it in front of you. You can hit me and shut me, but it will always be real. It’s too late and I love you with all I have left, but nothing of this would’ve happen if I was back with my family.”

Or if you’d killed me in the church.

Or if I’d drown in the boat.

You crawled to him and he hesitated. You wanted him to move, he would in his time, and you were ready to give it to him. You wiped a tear from your eye, and he finally laid both his hands on your back as you let yourself melt on his chest. Feeling all the warmth you needed. He stayed there, letting this moment be yours and all yours.

His slow breath rocking your body into dreams. For now, he was completely selfless. When you closed your eyes, you remembered that sweet boy from the village and the way he stroked your back after you let him make love to you in the farm. A memory you’d kept hidden from all, including the gods, but they knew. As if Ivar read your thoughts, he did the same and for a moment, just a small moment, it all felt real. Home was where your thoughts were.

Ivar was passion and love but for that girl from England, he would never be home. You needed to help her die. You needed to let go but his arms were so warm and his love so inviting.

“I love you, Ivar. Even when I’ll be gone, remember that I said that, remember that I mean it for now and forever.”

“I love you little Mary” Little Mary was the girl that tried to kill him in that church, that gave birth to his daughter and his son, that made him see the path of kindness and little Mary was going to die in a week.

An empty vessel in her place, with black bile around her mouth and two empty burned sockets for eyes.

As for anger, it wasn’t something you’d let yourself be often. Frustration was green but anger was red. It was the fire of a home, the burns on a wounded man’s skin. The irritation in between your thighs after a long ride, the rock that cuts your foot and the horse that kicks at the man who hurts him.

“Please Ivar you need to learn how to be kind, it is my only wish”

“Kind? What good is kindness in a world like this”

“Kindness is the only reason why most of us are alive. Love and kindness are the only reason why you are alive here today Ivar. Don’t deny it.” He didn’t, but he was boiling everyday. He was a burning candle around dry wood and leaves, just ready to fall if someone touches it. “But in this wish, there is an exception”

“What?”

“If anything, any harm at all befall on my children I want you to make sure the one responsible perish with the worst pain one could endure”

He looked at you confused, not smiling. He found no joy in this, but he still kissed you, pressing his forehead on yours while you looked in his eyes.

“That I can promise, for as long as I’m alive nothing that happens to them will go unpunished.”

Because you knew that this was something he could do, that justice would be made and more in their names. If they are too kind, at least their father wouldn’t be.

You would talk to them; tell them stories they didn’t understand. Making sure Solveigh could tell them again later, when they would be old enough to care. You didn’t tell her anything but felt at peace because she was white in this grey land, that was the only thing you could tell with your eyes.

And your eyes, or your eye. How unusable, how wasteful. It will be cut out as soon as any sense of self would be lost, it will be cauterized and, like an animal that forgets their pains and lives them in silence, it would be the way.

“Mommy, why are you sad?”

You took her on your knees, playing with her fine hair.

“I’m not sad”

“Then why don’t you smile?”

Because I’m not happy.

“One day you will understand.” She seemed to already have forgotten what she wanted to tell you. Her innocence a shelter from the lost she will have to endure. “I love you”

“I love you too!”

And Margery, poor Margery. She was leaving soon; she’d tell you how excited she was of the future and all there was to offer to this woman exploiting her freedom to bring more happiness.

“When my child will be old enough, I’ll come back here, present her to you. Who knows? Maybe yours and mine will be friends!”

Your sigh was too deep to not be noticed.

“What is it?”

“I need to tell you something”

Her eyes were looking through you and the girl was frightened. A hand on her belly and the other one ready to reach out to you.

“What’s wrong? Did I do something?”

“No, no it’s not you. But you won’t be able to see me again.”

She breathed out, it felt like a joke. It was sheltering her, but it was short lived. “Where will you be? Why do you say that?”

“I’m not leaving this place, ever.”

“Your family is here; I’m not expecting you to…” Of course, she couldn’t understand why you said that. How could she, she had been gone for longer than it took you to transform and accept the way it was going to be.

“I will die before you leave.”

“You’re fine! You won’t die, what makes you say that?” She was franticly looking for a solution to a problem that had none.

“When I left that night, Loki the god protected me from the cold until I found Floki”

“Gods…”

“When I fought that bear, the one that tore my eyes out it was Thor”

“What does it…”

“When we prayed in that cabin…” now she was listening, because she remembered it like it was yesterday, and she remembered how she knew it wasn’t just the wind and it wasn’t just thunder. “and the tree fell a foot away from us, it was the gods that wanted to punish me, because I prayed.” At last her sister was a witch, but what about it? no one would prosecute her here, they even made her the queen. How would it be dangerous, the tree didn’t touch her?

“Why would you die then… if Gods are here, wouldn’t they protect you.”

“I’m a vessel for them and they gave me four years. Now they are almost through.”

“When exactly?”

“I don’t know but… less than a week I’m sure of it.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? I could’ve helped you; I could have…” done nothing.

“You did everything already, you are alive, and you are happy, and it is the thing I will hold on to until I’m dead.”

Dead. Not disappeared, not transformed.

Dead.

Like ashes, like dirt.

“I don’t want you to die.” You would have done everything for her, but this was a gift that was forbidden. That was locked in time and in place. But her eyes were still dry and her head still high because she was strong, and she was alive. “what will happen when…”

She couldn’t bring herself to go further in fear to explode.

“I don’t know yet. Like anyone who is to die, that is something I can’t see.”

And then she hugged you, her fingers digging into your back as if it was now the time for you to be gone.

For the first time, you saw things of her life. A christian’s future and destiny and it was colorful. It was a field of flowers and a blue lake in the warmest day of spring. A table full of children with round bellies and smiley faces. But also, a bit of adventure and a wolf stuck in wire, biting the hands of the kind soul wanting to help it, a kitchen with bloodstain and a boy with a big tree branch held like a sword.

“Margaery… do you want to know something about the future?”

“Will I be able to change it if I don’t like it?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Then no.”

Because it wasn’t her blood in the kitchen and her hand in the wolf’s mouth it was ok for you.

\--

They asked for someone to sacrifice themselves for the gods and the new godly creature that will soon walk amongst them. A cow and a goat were also given as sacrifice.

A ritual that would’ve turned your stomach and send you into a psychotic fit was now eared and watched through colorless eye. No tears were shred, no anger spilled. Margery witnessed it with horror in her eyes as the blood was put into the round bowls and spilled on your body. Your children clung onto Ivar while he seemed amazed by your poise. He wanted to think you were finally Vikings, like he saw when you tried to kill him with that axe in the church.

But also, he knew.

And Margeary knew.

And everyone knew.

That you weren’t the same woman. The town had changed you, sure, but this wasn’t about that. The circle of life that make us who we are had been broken and violated. You were dissipating and your opinions, joy, sadness, had all been replace by visions and the knowledge to serve and only serve. Laughing was Loki’s will, Mercy’s was Freyja.

You then sat down on the table they killed the animals on, and, with the knife, you took your other eye out, throwing it on the ground and feeling the warm blood drip down your face. Everyone watched in awe as you didn’t let a single emotion out, a single hint that you were in pain.

The people’s respect was earned, and you were, almost, no one. They would still come to you for answers to their questions, but the answer will only be the seer’s, uninfluenced by one of that girl from England.

The tiny bit of yourself left was all about the small circle of people you would’ve drown for. Ivar, Rooinn, Sichfrith and your dear sister.

You wished that it wasn’t this way, but the next goodbye would probably be the last and the last kiss the end of a love that would’ve made you ache with misery a couple of weeks ago.

Because it’s so cold outside and the rain feels like ice on your skin, you can feel that you only want what’s best for them and now there was only so much time to make sure of it. Maybe you will be able to do enough but maybe not.

She knew that the gods would feast on their sacrifice and would be glad that a proud warrior was now in their hall, but you hoped that it wasn’t true. Because she was a Christian girl in a small town with a happy family and a boring comfortable future, ripped off to be touched by holy ones.


	34. The end

[Day 1761 - Summer]  
4 years and 300 days

_“Could I just stay here, always?”_

_Schifrith was sleeping next to Rooinn. Their sleepy breathing bringing a comfort in the room. Ivar was drawing circles on your back kissing your shoulder occasionally to then lay his head down of the bed. A fire was burning not too far away, and the furs were soft and warm._

_“I love you”_

_You took his fingers and kissed them._

_“When are you thinking of going to Paris?”_

_“Why even think about that now?”_

_You sighed, knowing the answer and the outcomes. “So, are you ready?”_

_“I am…”_

_“You should go the next moon.”_

_“But… I can’t, not now.”_

_“Yes. You don’t want to see me going away, I don’t want you to.”_

_The air was now heavier and his skin colder. He gripped your chest, getting you closer to him. “What you’re asking of me is torture.”_

_“I’ve endured enough my love, please leave before my final day.”_

_He agreed without saying anything. Preparing his last day with you without any joy, dreading the last glimpse at your hair, the last touch of your skin, the last kiss goodbye._

_\--_

When his boat left, the rest of your heart was broken into a million pieces and the waves that took him away felt like the tears that you shed.

“Where is father going?”

“He’s going to war.”

“Why?”

Why did men go to war, for riches and fame, for lands and women? For his name to be remembered for centuries and stories written about him.

“Because he has to.”

“When is he coming back?”

“In a while sweetheart.”

Schiffrith was beginning to fuss in your arms and so you went back to your room to lay him down to sleep.

“I have a story for you my sweet.”

She sat down on the chair in from of the bed. “Is it about father?” She was a curious girl and the tales of what Ivar had accomplished were her favorites.

“No, this one is special, it’s a new one and no one has ever heard it before” She was listening with a spark in her eyes. “There once was a girl that came from a village far away…”

“How far?”

“Almost as far as where your father is going! And one morning, that girl was boiling water in her house to help her mother make dinner, when she heard a loud sound. Like when a tree fall! Then everyone in the village started to run away, they ran so fast some of them were dry under the rain.”

“Fast like me?”

“faster! The girl was scared, and she wanted to follow the others but, when she saw a hundred giants coming her way, she froze in place. The giants took her, and she was sent to their homes. One of those giants liked her very much and he would talk to her and try to get close to her, but the girl wasn’t fouled, and she tried to run away. The giants caught up to her and she was a prisoner once more. The girl then decided to like the giant, slowly but surely she fell madly in love with it and she even gave him two beautiful children as a gift.” Your eyes were watering, but no tears were spilled. “After that, Odin, all father, he wondered how this human girl could’ve bred with a giant and so, he got curious and took her with him and so, she was a prisoner once more.”

“Then what happened?”

You bit your lips. “Now, every year, because she loves her family so much, her giant and her two children, she descends into the world and kisses their cheeks before going away again.”

Schiffrith was asleep now and Rooinn was tired too. It was her time to go to bed for a bit. So, you laid her down and kissed her cheek, whispering how much you loved her, making sure she wouldn’t know the rest as to not be hurt.

Behind the door, Solveig was waiting. She knew what day this was, and she shyly looked at her feet, because she wasn’t sure if she should be sadder or not. You pressed a hand on her shoulder and went on your way.

\--

_“Tell them I loved them Ubbe. Tell them that I died because they won’t understand why I’m leaving. Tell them their father was a good man, even if you don’t believe it. Love them as I would have because I would give anything for this to be false, for my life and my faith to be a farce but it is true. Show them what is like to be kind, don’t let them hate like their father has learned.” It was exhausting, to be this panicked, this sad for something you didn’t control. Holding his arm to make sure he was seeing the desperation in your eye, hearing it in your voice._

_“Ivar can manage this.” He might have meant it as a way to calm you down, but it didn’t._

_“No.”_

_Ubbe didn’t understand at first but seeing your cold expression was enough. He new you had seen more than you wanted._

_“Oh… Did you tell him?”_

_“No one deserves to know their death. It is a cruel thing, nothing else.”_

_“My father knew how he would die.”_

_“And your father suffered because of it.”_

_Ubbe bit his lips. You knew that Ubbe didn’t have too much love for his brother, but he was still his brother and death was so final…_

_“Is it soon?”_

_You had no reason to answer him. You’d heard gods telling you that this information was trouble, it would lead to worse outcome._

_“I will, don’t worry about them, they’re safe today and tomorrow, I’ll make sure of that” if he knew how good it felt to hear this from him, he would get tears in his eyes too._

_You slowly put a hand on his neck and kissed his cheek, you gave him a smile that he would not forget and left him alone._

_Because the day Ivar left no one said a word, it was the last time that (Y/N) would talk to a son of Ragnar._

\--

She was standing in the middle of the way, her eyes already full of tears. (Y/N) was completely out of control over her body, her soul disappearing slowly into the abyss.

“please…”

A tear fell down Margery’s cheek. You knew who she was, who she was to the person you used to be, but you were too weak to fight for that person. None of your movement were really yours, when they were it was painful and hard. For her, (Y/N), it was impossible. Every fight would result in defeat until there would be none left.

And yet, fighting she did. You could feel knocking in your chest, pounding in your head. She wanted to see, to help. Kindness was nothing anymore you were vessel for knowledge, for the gods to do as they pleased. (Y/N) would soon die off and Margery would be there to witness it.

“Talk to me (Y/N). You know me… I…” she broke down in a sob because she knew there were no reasoning left.

You could see times spent at the farm, parents and brothers. The love of a place you’d never been in. Gods allowed you to see their closeness and their warmth.

_I won’t let them do anything to you Margery, never._

The boat rocking their cold bodies. The body of Philip slowly sinking to the bottom of the ocean, his eyes opening once Rán took him in her arms. You knew it was you that you were looking at, but it wasn’t really true, because you were no one now. The black liquid in the back of your throat thickly coating every word you’d say.

Nothing and everything, imprisoning an old life and its soul in your body. Part of you wondered if it would actually die off. It was a knowledge you’d never thought about twice but maybe that soul was doom to forever be a spectacle, without the power to move or to talk, to be or to act.

I AM HERE. That voice screamed. I AM STILL HERE. You felt a sadness from above, from gods who knew someone was dying for them.

They allowed one last trick. A mercy they tried to keep to themselves usually.

Light appeared and your hands started to shake. You felt incredibly weak and vulnerable, but you were you. Entirely you. A white flash of light appeared, and you could see everything as you once did. Your sister was on her knees, bawling.

“Margaery…” you whispered. She raised her head slowly. She jumped on you for a hug and you fell on your knees slowly, holding her, cradling her.

“I love you...” Her hand was shaking on your neck. You had been stuck inside your body for so long you’d forgotten how small she was still. “Please don’t leave me…”

You kissed her forehead, rocking her till her breath found a steady pace. You didn’t want to lie to her, you knew that your faith was not in your hands anymore, nor was it in hers. You might not know when but soon, you might not know how but intensely. You would soon disappear, leaving her alone.

“You’re going to be great…” You wanted to cry but she deserved more. “You’ll go with Ubbe, and they’ll built you a farm, a beautiful farm with tons of horses…” You pushed a tear in silence. “You’ll take care of them and maybe your husband too, or maybe you’ll be too stubborn to let him.” She chuckled in between her sobs. “But you’ll have to do it alone.” She bit her bottom lip and turned her face to you, that you took in between your palms.

Words wouldn’t leave her tongue. “You are strong. You are beautiful. You don’t need me.” talking was starting to get harder as if your breaths weren’t yours, and they soon wouldn’t be. “Besides… I’ll always look out for you.” You hugged her closer, rocking her back and forth slowly, trying to stay. “I love you… I love you… I love you” trying to stay.

Trying to stay.

Stay here, for them.

“my sweet little Margaery” stay.

Trying.

The black liquid slowly took place in your throat and this time you didn’t fight it off. You let yourself wash off into a new emptiness, happy that you had the chance to say goodbye.

(Y/N) had left and the Christian girl was crying but it felt alright to pretend, even for a little bit.

[Day 1 - Summer]

The walk to the seer’s tent was short, too short. As she touched the wood and sat down, it felt completely unreal. Like a newborn, her skin was soft and fragile. She placed her finger on the wounded skin covering her eyes, wondering how they looked like right now, completely useless. The skin felt drier. Maybe they would heal one day, and it would be a little less red.

Someone opened the door to the tent, and she saw all his victories and defeat, all at once, like a language without word. Unlike (Y/N), the seer knew he came back as soon as he was gone because he couldn’t bare to think his love was going away without him to witness it.

“It’s been a long time Ivar the boneless, now, what do you want to know?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it’s finally over. This was a freaking blast to write and I can’t really believe I’m done with it. I worked almost everyday for a little over 5 months and it’s weird to let go. Thank you so much for reading, you can’t believe how grateful I am for those who laid eyes on my writing, even if it’s a stupid fanfic.   
> See you next times <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading, comments are always appreciated and if you have any suggestions for short fics don't be shy, it would make my day and there is good chance that I will write it!
> 
> P.s This one is already 60 000 words into writting so I really, really hope someone will read it :O


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